The Fairness Question and Other Existential Problems

” … There’s also Garwood Mickles, the nephew, over at the Indian Hills precinct. We could even take a chance, try a direct route, get into a pissing contest with Brick himself. Or … “

But don’t rely on me for what came after that. Because … because … pissing contest! There were pissing contests in this life? How was it possible that I’d reached my age – whatever it happened to be, exactly – without knowing about them? I knew about all kinds of competition, like baseball, football, basketball, lacrosse – great balls, each and every one, lacrosse balls bring my favorite, just a wonderful springy resistance when you’re chewing on them – as well as boxing, wrestling, and even hockey, where I’d gotten onto the ice once, the slipperiness of ice being the biggest surprise in a night of surprises, and actually tasted puck, very odd, kind of like tires, but forget all that. What I’m getting at is that I’d never once encountered a pissing contest. How crazy was that, especially since – and this is the whole point – who was going to beat me in a pissing contest? Go ahead. Name anybody, and I’ll take him on. Two at a time! More than two! I was born for pissing contests. Pissing contests were my . . . how would you put it? Calling? Yes, that was it. Pissing contests were my calling. So why had I been kept away from them? I had a thought I’d never had before and hope I never have again: Life was unfair.


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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 25th, 2022 at 7:45 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

11 Responses to “The Fairness Question and Other Existential Problems”

  1. Herd of Hounds
    8:39 am on January 25th, 2022

    Good day everyone!
    We are ROFL with the mental picture of Chet in a pissing contest.

  2. Kimberly
    10:50 am on January 25th, 2022

    Priceless, and one of my favorite bits in this book. 🤣

  3. Wose-The Small and Meek
    11:00 am on January 25th, 2022


    What Kimberly said! :^)

    Good day to all!

  4. B. Stover
    11:22 am on January 25th, 2022

    An existential problem….

    Good day to all.

  5. mlaiuppa
    1:01 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Chet is oblivious to taxes as well.

  6. Hobbit
    4:30 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Sadie re-injured her hind leg so we are back to not being able to walk. We are both very sad. No more checking pee mail every day. Poor Sadie

  7. Wose-The Small and Meek
    5:47 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Hobbit: Hope Sadie is back to tip-top soon. How is your foot?

  8. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    8:00 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Hobbit!…Did you know Bob Ross when he lived in the North Pole for many years??….wheeze!

    Piss!…I could take Chet on in a pissing contest especially after a dunk in a big ole Vat O’ Beer!…SPLASH!

  9. dawson
    10:21 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Pissing contest, heh! But can Chet piss while standing on only his two front legs like Beau did? Acrobatic pissing contest!

    Hobblin’Hobbit and Sadie: Sure hope your paws feel better real soon.

  10. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    11:35 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Dawson!…OHHH!.. Now Beau was an expert at pissing doing cartwheels!…snort!snort!…He amazed us all and the back fence was proof of his “circles”…heh!heh!…We were all in awe when we first witnessed his athletic ability…yark!…No, Chet has nothing on Beau in that regard…heh!

  11. Beau - The Black Pug
    11:38 pm on January 25th, 2022

    Sneeze!….I still enjoy making circles!…sneeze!…It’s an artform I still enjoy given to me by the grace of God…chuffle!

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