Posts Tagged ‘Trimmer’

Facts Breezing By


September 15th, 2009 Posted 8:14 am

Yes, how did Bernie know all that? When was Metro PD coming to take all these perps away? It was crowded in our front hall, and the air was getting a little stuffy. I like nice fresh air. Also, I’d smelled all the smells available, and there were plenty rising off Trimmer alone.

In fact, Bernie seemed to be talking to Trimmer at that moment. “The whole history must have been one of those family legends, a legend your sister here let you in on – was that before or after her divorce from Kelo?”

“After,” said Trimmer.

“Zip it,” said Portia.

“Why?” said Bernie. “After just proves your marriage had something going for it at least.”

“Kelo’s a moron,” Portia said.

“How so?” said Bernie.

Or something like that. This was getting hard to follow.

Note from Admin: Great pics coming in to Friends of Chet!


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Posted in Chet The Dog



September 14th, 2009 Posted 8:00 am

“You were about to explain the case,” Suzie said, taking out a notebook.

“I can’t explain everything,” Bernie said. “And until then this has to be off the record.”

“Fine,” said Suzie. “But I want an exclusive.”

Bernie gave her a look hard to interpret. “An exclusive is what you’ve got.” That all zipped by me, but it seemed to make Suzie happy – she flashed a quick smile.

“Let’s start with Ezra Printz. He handled PR on the Greed shoot. Chet found a film can in Death Valley.” Hey! I’d almost forgotten that. And then I remembered something from that Death Valley cave: a skull. Uh-oh. “What are you barking about?” Bernie said. “Easy, boy.” I stopped. “The making and editing of Greed is a very fractious story. It led to bitter feelings between Erich von Stroheim and Louis B. Mayer. I believe they got into an argument in Death Valley and a bystander, possibly a script girl or something like that, was accidently killed. Somehow the whole thing got filmed, and I think Ezra Printz ended up with the film.”

Trimmer looked up from the floor. “How do you know all this?”

“Zip it,” said Portia.


Duct Ducks


August 27th, 2009 Posted 11:23 am

“Sis?” said Bernie. “Meaning this gentleman – ” He pointed with his chin at Trimmer. Love when Bernie points with his chin. He has a very nice chin. Some humans have almost no chin at all. I never like the sight of that. “Meaning this gentleman,” he was saying, “is your brother?”

“He’s no gentleman,” said Portia. “I want to make a deal.”

“Portia, for God’s sake,” said Trimmer.

“Make a deal and it’s the last thing you ever do,” said Freddie Dancer.

Bernie’s face got hard. A minute or so later, Freddie Dancer had a strip of duct tape over his mouth. We can be tough, me and Bernie. Also duct tape has nothing to do with ducks; that confused me for a long time. Once a duck nipped at me, maybe a story for another time.

“What kind of deal?” Bernie said to Portia.


A Tiny Taste of Blood


August 25th, 2009 Posted 8:52 am

Suzie came back. “It’s a blonde with a tiny gun in her hand,” she said. “I think you’d like her.”

“What’s she driving?” Bernie said.

“Audi,” said Suzie. “Tomato red.”

Bernie grabbed the door handle,  jerked the door open, and there was Portia Peters, ex-wife of Kelo, our missing client. The next moment I had her wrist in my mouth and the tiny gun was on the ground. We were a good team, me and Bernie.

“Ow, he’s biting me.”

“I wouldn’t say biting,” Bernie said. “It’s more a clamping thing he does. Chet?”

I let go even though I didn’t really want to. I don’t say no to Bernie.

He pulled Portia inside and closed the door. She took in the sights, namely Freddie Dancer and Trimmer, cuffed and lying on the floor. “You stupid jerks,” she said.

Trimmer raised his head. “Aw, Sis, don’t be that way.”

“Sis?” said Bernie.


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