Posts Tagged ‘snakes’

Shakira Comes Up Big


June 19th, 2013 Posted 8:08 am

“Rattlesnake vaccine?” Admin says. “Didn’t know about that. Anyone out there ever used it?”

Welcome goat-herding dude, Tor, Cassie, Sammie.


Car Repair Fun


February 12th, 2010 Posted 8:42 am

Did Melanie say something about flat tires down in the comments part yesterday? That reminded me of this. I think it’s from Thereby Hangs A Tail.

What was that? A funny little lurch?

“Uh-oh,” said Bernie. “Did you feel a little – ?” Then came a clunk, and another clunk, followed by a whole bunch of them, plus more lurching. The Porsche went all jerky, kind of stumbling to the side of the road like a human who’d had way too many.

We sat there, the engine going pop-pop, pop-pop. The bike grew smaller and smaller and finally vanished. It got very quiet, except for the pop-pop. Bernie’s hand curled into a fist; he had big strong fists and plenty of perps, gangbangers and bad guys had seen what they could do. He raised his fist as though to punch the steering wheel, something I’d seen guys – good and bad ones – do plenty of times; but then Bernie paused, his hand relaxing, and no punch came. That was one of the very best things about Bernie.

Out came the tools, and not long after that the manual, too. Nothing good ever happened when Bernie had his head deep in the engine. The wind fluttered the pages of the open manual, Bernie trying to still them with an oil-stained elbow, a tool in each hand. After a while, I couldn’t bear to watch, and took a little – what was Bernie’s word? – recon, that was it. I took a recon around the area, smelled the scent – froggy, toady, fishy – of a snake, but very faint. I followed the scent, lost it, circled around and picked it up again, and there, in the shadow of a big rock, I found – what? I wasn’t sure; some kind of strange snake, very pale, with no eyes at all, just nasty holes where eyes should have been.

“Chet! What the hell’s going on?”

I realized I was barking my head off and stopped. But then I caught sight of that eyeless head again, and maybe more barking started up. “Chet? What is it?” Bernie’s voice changed, stopped being irritated, not that he ever got irritated with me. “Find something?” He came over, saw the snake and laughed. Then – oh, no – before I could stop him, he reached down and picked it up. Snakes bite! Didn’t Bernie know about those fangs?

But this snake didn’t bite, just dangled in a limp sort of way from Bernie’s hand. “Only a skin, Chet,” he said. “Nothing to be afraid of – the snake got too big and shed it, that’s all.” For some reason I thought that was plenty to be afraid of, and hurried back to the car. I even considered lying underneath it, but then I heard something dripping from the engine.


St. Paddy’s Day


March 17th, 2009 Posted 7:28 am

Today is St. Paddy’s Day. It means that Sergeant McGinn and Detective O’Hara of the Metro PD have just dropped in for a visit, bringing a case of beer and a bucket of ribs. Even though these aren’t ribs from Max’s Memphis Ribs – I knew that while they were still outside in the cruiser – anything where ribs are involved has to be good. Bernie’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt with green flowers – at least I think they’re green, can’t be trusted when it comes to colors, according to Bernie – and they’re all out back. Bernie’s got the ukulele and they’re singing Whiskey in the Jar. I like that song but it always leads to Bernie feeling not so good the next day. Everyone’s happy – they don’t even know what I’m doing over here by the rib bucket – and I love it when everyone’s happy. “Here’s to St. Paddy,” says Detective O’Hara, “kicked the snakes out of Ireland.” Don’t know who St. Paddy is, exactly, but I wish he’d come here. We’ve got snakes out the yingyang, and they scare me, not ashamed to admit it. The way they slither around!


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January 24th, 2009 Posted 12:14 pm

No post today. Why? Because we’re going hiking in the desert, me and Bernie. What’s better than that? Might see a javelina or two – I’ve had run-ins with those nasty little tuskers, I can tell you. Is there something about that in Dog On It? Can’t quite remember. And then there’s the matter of snakes. Don’t like them, not one bit. They have a smell all their own, something like toad only with fishiness added in. When I pick up that smell my fur rises right up. Once Bernie picked up this real big one, real careful, with a stick, just to examine its fangs. I almost went out of my mind! Tomorrow – Marley and Me.


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