Chet The Dog

“Much better,” said Professor Bogdan. “You might even say Yo, it’s me.”

“Yo?”

“On my last trip I heard a lot of yo. Even my brother says it.”

“Your brother in New Hampshire?”

“No P sound. And sher, not shire. But yes, my brother.”

“The brother who is owning a business?”

“Who owns a business. Bogdan Plumbing and Heating.”

Professor Bogdan opened a drawer, took out a T-shirt and tossed it to Dinu.

Dinu shook it out, held it up, took a look. On the front was a cartoon-type picture of a skier with tiny icicles in his bushy black mustache, brandishing a toilet plunger over his head. On the back it said: “Bogdan Plumbing and Heating, Number 1 in the Granite State.”

Dinu made a motion to hand it back.

“Keep it,” said Professor Bogdan.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. New Hampshire is the Granite State. All the states have nicknames.”

“What is nicknames?”

“Like pet names. For example, what does your mother call you?”

“Dinu.”

Professor Bogdan blinked a couple of times. Like the skier, he had a bushy mustache, except his was mostly white. “Texas is the Lone Star State, Florida is the Sunshine State, Georgia is the Peach State.”

“Georgia?”

“They have a Georgia of their own. They have everything, Dinu, although – “ He leaned across the desk and pointed at Dinu with his nicotine-stained finger. “Although most of them don’t realize it and complain all the time just like us.”

[Coming July 25, pre-orderable]

“My point,” Professor Bogdan went on, “is that no American says it is I. They say it’s me. The grammar is wrong but that’s how they say it. You must learn the right wrong grammar. That’s the secret of sounding American.”

“How will I learn?”

“There are ways. For one you could go to YouTube and type in ‘Country Music.’ Now begin again.”

“Hello, it’s me, your grandson, insert name here,” Dinu said.

[Mrs. Plansky’s Revenge is available for pre-order.]