Posts Tagged ‘golf balls’

Rube Goldberg Rides Again

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May 16th, 2010 Posted 8:53 am

Bernie’s in a real bad mood about this oil spill, fit to be tied, he says. Don’t worry: no one’s tying up Bernie, not while I’m around, and I’m around, better believe it. Not even Elvis gospel is cheering him up. Giant plumes? Plugs made of golf balls and old tires? Not getting this, myself. Repost from May 2:

“Bernie’s not happy today, something about an oil spill. Not sure what that is, exactly. Once on the freeway – we’ve got freeways out the yingyang in the Valley – we saw a tanker truck flip over and oil got spilled all over the place that day, but I think this is different.

“These BOP’s,” he is saying, “blowout preventers – they sure look like Rube Goldberg devices to me. And now it’s up to robotic subs to make the damn thing work? If they can’t do better than that they shouldn’t be allowed to drill so deep.”

Hard to follow, but Rube Goldberg had to be a perp of some kind. There was Rube Double X, of course, this rapper we once worked bodyguard duty for, but he was no perp, in fact a great guy who liked me and my kind, and to this day I have no idea what happened to that gold-nugget chain of his. No reason anyone would want bury it in a flower bed. Hey! Except maybe to keep it from getting lost. How come I just thought of that now? Life was funny sometimes.”

Elvis just sang Milky White Way, our favorite. Bernie tapped his foot a bit. Love when he does that. Can’t stop myself from pawing at his foot while it’s tapping. So why even try?

Happy Birthday, Dad.

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Fetch

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January 27th, 2010 Posted 8:05 am

Can’t beat fetch. We always play till Bernie says his arm is falling off, and then a little more. Here are my favorite balls, in order.

Lacrosse – bounces in a crazy way I like, and chewing on it – wow!

Tennis – especially fresh ones, right out of the can.

Baseball – lots going on inside these babies!

Golf – on the small side, but excellent for chewing.

Football – strange bounces, and you have to get hold of it at the end, but lots of fun.

Basketball – impossible till you bite through it. Then it softens up nicely to something manageable.

Are there any other balls I’m leaving out? Maybe, but we’re on a case, something about Colonel Bob’s son. First comes breakfast. Bernie says it’s the most important meal of the day, but the truth is they’re all very very important.

card

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Friends

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February 17th, 2009 Posted 8:52 am

I’ve got lots of pals, but Iggy is my best buddy. He lives next door with these old people, Mr. and Mrs. Parsons. This is on Mesquite Road. Have I mentioned Mesquite Road? It’s in the Valley. The Valley goes on and on in all directions forever, with housing developments out the yingyang – which bothers Bernie a lot, on account of the aquifer. Bernie worries about the aquifer. I’m not sure what the aquifer is exactly. Have I ever seen it? Couldn’t tell you. Something to do with water, but there’s plenty of water in the Valley. Drive by any golf course – and we’ve got them out the yingyang, too – morning or evening, and you’ll see water spraying all over that beautiful green grass, and rainbows everywhere. Golf balls are pretty interesting, by the way. More than once, I’ve happened to be on a golf course when one came bouncing by, kind of snatchable, really, and – 

But this was supposed to be about Iggy.

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The Books



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