Posts Tagged ‘Chetspeak’

Chetspeak on Sunday

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November 19th, 2017 Posted 8:49 am

Continuing in our beginnings series, here’s SCENTS AND SENSIBILITY:

Home at last! We’d been away so long, first in swampy country, then in a big city – maybe called Foggy Bottom – that confused me from the get-go. Is there time to mention the air in both those places before we really get started? Soggy and heavy: that sums it up.

Where were we? Was it possibly … home? Yes! Home! Home at last! Our home – mine and Bernie’s – is on Mesquite Road. Mesquite Road’s in the Valley. Quite recently I might have heard that the Valley’s in Arizona, but don’t count on that. What matters is that right now I was inhaling a nice big noseful of Valley air. Light and dry, with a hint of greasewood and just plain grease: perfect. I felt tip top. Bernie opened our door, kicked aside a huge pile of mail, and we went in.

“Ah,” said Bernie, dropping our duffel bag on the floor. I did the first thing that came to mind – just about always my M.O. – which in this case meant sniffing my way from room to room, zigzagging back and forth, nose to the floor. Front hall, our bedroom, Charlie’s bedroom – mattress bare on account of Charlie not being around much since the divorce – office, with the circus-elephant-pattern rug, where I actually picked up a faint whiff of elephant, even though no elephant had ever been in the office. I’d had some experience with elephants, specifically an elephant name of Peanut, no time to go into that now. The point was: somehow I was smelling elephants in the office. Had to mean I was on a roll. Chet the Jet!

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Chetspeak on Sunday

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November 12th, 2017 Posted 7:08 am

We’ve been doing beginnings. Here’s PAW AND ORDER:

We blasted out of bayou country, Bernie behind the wheel, me in the shotgun seat. Our ride’s a real old Porsche, the oldest we’ve had in our whole career. The last one got blown up; the one before that went off a cliff. And who can remember the one before that? Not me, amigo, except for how loud train whistles turn out to be from up real close. The point is old Porsches are how we roll at the Little Detective Agency, just one of the things that makes us so successful, leaving out the finances part, where we’ve run into some hiccups I won’t go into now. And don’t get me started on hiccups, which is the annoying thing about them, namely that you can’t stop. What else do you need to know? Bernie’s last name is Little, which is how come we’re the Little Detective Agency. I’m Chet, pure and simple.

We came to a crossroads with a roadhouse on one corner. Bernie slowed down and read the sign: “’Ti-Pierre’s Cajun BBQ.’” No surprise there: for some time now barbecue had been in the air, impossible to miss. Bernie tilted up his face – no need to describe his face, the best human face in the world – and took a sniff. “I can almost smell it,” he said. Yes, the best human face, not at all like those tiny-nosed human faces you see so often. Bernie had a nose that looked capable of doing big things. So why didn’t it? I turned to him, gave that nose a good long look. He gave me a good long look back.

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Chetspeak on Sunday

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November 5th, 2017 Posted 8:08 am

We’ve been doing beginnings. Here’s THE SOUND AND THE FURRY:

“One thing’s for sure,” the lawyer said, handing Bernie our check, “you earned every cent.”

Bernie tucked the check in – oh, no – the chest pocket of his Hawaiian shirt, just about his nicest Hawaiian shirt, with the hula dancers and the trombones, but that wasn’t the point. The point was we’d had chest pocket problems in the past, more than once. And possibly more than twice, but I wouldn’t know, since I don’t count past two. What I do know is that checks have a way of falling out of chest pockets.

“What’s he barking about?” the lawyer said.

Bernie glanced at me. “Just wants to get rolling,” he said. That wasn’t it at all: what I wanted was for Bernie to put that check in his front pants pocket where it would be safe. But then I realized that I did kind of want to get rolling. Wow! That was Bernie, knowing my own mind better than I did. And I knew his exactly the same way! Which is just one of the reasons why the Little Detective Agency is so successful, especially if you forget about the finances part. We’re partners. He’s Bernie Little. I’m Chet, pure and simple.

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Chetspeak on Sunday

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October 22nd, 2017 Posted 11:13 am

We’re doing beginnings. Today – A FISTFUL OF COLLARS:

 

“Heard you drove another one off a cliff,” said Nixon Panero. He spat a thin brown stream of chewing tobacco into an empty paint can, or maybe not that empty. Yellow paint, the yellow of egg yolks, now with a brown swirl in the middle: there’s all kinds of beauty in life.

“You heard wrong,” said Bernie.

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