Posts Tagged ‘chet’

I Vant To Sock Your Blahd


October 29th, 2010 Posted 8:59 am

Count Dracula appeared right in our house! Walking down the hall with his arms raised up high! He was way taller than I’d imagined. Of course I attacked him right away – homeland security is my job. But it was only Bernie – I found out just a bit too late – trying on his Halloween costume. No one told me Halloween was coming. I like all the holidays – Thanksgiving especially – but not Halloween. What gets into people on Halloween? You tell me.


Noir (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)


January 22nd, 2010 Posted 9:12 am

“Chill, Thurman,” said Crash. “You’re gonna screw up the whole – “

“No one tells me to chill,” Thurman said. And all at once he took a big roundhouse swing at Crash. I wouldn’t have thought Crash capable of moving real fast, but he was. He ducked, just like that, almost quicker than I could see. I’ve only had one encounter with a duck, and it didn’t duck at all, attacked me, in fact, so I don’t get the ducking thing; but that’s another story. Thurman swung. Crash ducked. And Thurman’s huge fist caught Disco square on the chin. He toppled over and lay still.

Thurman moved on Crash. Crash backed away, ending up against the RV, no place to go. “A hundred and seventy-five bucks or you’re next,” he said.

“Don’t have that kind of bread right now,” Crash said. “And this is a real bad time for you to – “

“Then I’m takin’ the dog,” Thurman said. He wheeled around toward me. I growled. I hated the choke chain and never forgot things like that.

“Not an option,” Bernie said.

Thurman faced Bernie. “You stay out of this,” he said. “The dog’s bought and paid for.”

Bernie moved slightly, stepping between me and Thurman. “When did this happen?” he said.

“None of your business. Take my word for it.”

“And where?”

“Don’t hear too good, do you, pal?” said Thurman.

“Anywhere near Red Butte, by any chance?” Bernie said.

“You lookin’ for trouble?” Thurman’s eye twitch got going.

“Trouble’s already here,” Bernie said. “Now the only question is how it gets handled.”

Down on the ground, Disco moaned and began to stir.

“You’ll get handled, you don’t get out of my way,” said Thurman.

Bernie didn’t budge. “And I hear just fine, by the way,” he said. Huh? Bernie really thought that? “Sharp enough to pick up the sound of a loser.”

Thurman’s mouth opened. All that black hairy beard and then a very red tongue in the middle: it had a strange effect on me, made me feel like scrapping. At the same time, I noticed Crash sidling toward the cab of the RV. I sidled over with him. He looked at me and mouthed some word. Mouthed, like with no sound. What was I supposed to make of that? I had enough trouble with ordinary sounded-out words; if you weren’t careful, you could get impatient with humans sometimes. I showed Crash my teeth, didn’t know what else to do. He stopped sidling.

Admin: to see the Little Detective Agency business card, please scroll down to January 16.

Also, to Megan and Lisa Trotter – no mailing addresses have come in yet, re sending out your pop quiz prizes.


Tennis Lesson (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)


January 21st, 2010 Posted 9:09 am

The tall blond guy took a ball from the bucket and hit it to Ganz. Ganz wore white shorts, had skinny legs like sticks. He swung his racquet and hit the ball back. The tall guy let it go by, took out another ball. “Brush up, Shermie, brush up. Spin on the ball, always spin on the ball.” He hit the ball over the net. Ganz swung, this time missing the ball completely. “Brush up but through, up but  through, up but through,” said the tall guy, sending over another ball. Brush? I knew brushes, saw none around. Maybe tennis was tougher than it looked, but I didn’t worry about that because a ball came bouncing over in our direction – we were now beside the court – and I snatched it out of the air, and who wouldn’t have, the ball being right there practically saying, “Catch me.” And then – this part was a bit harder to understand – I was on the court, racing toward the net. Up and over: not much of a challenge, tennis nets turning out not to be very high, but still it felt so great, being airborne and all, that I kind of twisted around still up there, if you see what I mean, and landed facing back at the net, and the next thing I knew I was jumping over it again, from the other direction, and, yes! doing the spin move once more, and when I landed this time, somehow with two balls in my mouth now – how had that happened? – I –


From Admin – for all those who requested Little Detective Agency business cards (see January 16 post) the process for getting them to you has started. Anyone who doesn’t have one in say, 10 days or so, please get back to Same email for new requesters.

Also, at Friends of Chet: some great new photos.


We Almost Have A Winner! (But Close Enough)


January 19th, 2010 Posted 7:58 am

Bernie says there are at least one hundred billion galaxies in the universe, and if that’s what he says I believe it. What it means is anybody’s guess. But that’s the only question Rebecca Rice and Megan, in combo, missed on the pop quiz, part two, and who cares, anyway? Did I make a rule about no combos? Or any other rule at all? So if each of them will send a mailing address to, a copy of Thereby Hangs A Tail, signed by Spencer Quinn and stamped by me, Chet, will be on its way.

Note from Admin: We’re working on the business card distribution idea. (Card appears on January 16th post.)  Also, everyone here is pulling for Cosmo.


The Books

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