Posts Tagged ‘Bernie’s mom’

What’s In A Name?


December 15th, 2015 Posted 8:19 am

Mrs. Publicist: Fifteenth of the month and therefore time for What’s In A Name, where we discuss a character name from the Chet and Bernie series. I’m curious about Bernie’s mom, about whom we hear from time to time, but she only makes an actual appearance in the new e-short, Santa 365, where we finally learn her name.

Spencer Quinn: Which is Minerva. Did I ever mention that to get a name in any of my writing, a character has to have at least one speaking line?

Mrs. P: You did not. Do you have lots of rules like that?

Spence: Probably too many. Back to Minerva, Roman goddess of wisdom who sprang fully armed from the cloven head of Jupiter. I thought that sort of mom suited Bernie perfectly.

Mrs. P: And didn’t we discuss how Bernie’s ex-wife Leda’s name comes from  Greek mythology? What’s up with all this myth surrounding Bernie?

Spence: Isn’t the private eye a kind of figure from modern myth?

Mrs. P: Ah ha! Always up to something, aren’t you? See you all next month for another episode of What’s In A Name!



Chetspeak on Sunday


November 22nd, 2015 Posted 8:02 am

A voice came over the speaker, powerful and somewhat harsh. “Hi, kiddo.” Only one person in the world calls Bernie kiddo.


“You sound surprised.”

“Didn’t expect to hear from you, that’s all. Aren’t you and Hax on a cruise to Jamaica?”

“Antigua. And you can call the mainland from a cruise ship. This is the twenty-first century. But as for Hax, don’t mention him ever again.”

“Uh, why not?”

The back door opened and out came Bernie. He shot me a look you hardly ever see from him, a look that says Save me. I went over and sat on his feet.

“I caught him red-handed,” Ma said.

“Doing what?”

“Packing his Viagra on a business trip. A business trip that didn’t include me, if I have to spell it out.”

“Oh,” said Bernie. And then, “Ah.” Followed by, “I thought he was retired.”

“He still consults,” Ma said, “but is that the point?”

“Maybe there’s some explanation that doesn’t involve … you know.”

“Hell’s bells! What kind of detective are you? There’s no goddamn explanation that doesn’t involve you know. Probably not ever about anything, but I digress. Just come get me.”

– from SANTA 365 (coming in 2 days).



A Piece of Work


October 21st, 2015 Posted 8:50 am

Bernie’s mom: You’ll finally meet her in



No Post Today


November 8th, 2010 Posted 8:17 am

Why not? Because we just found out Bernie’s mom is coming for Thanksgiving. Bernie’s mom is a piece of work. For one thing she’s bringing a new husband, name of Lenny. “How many husbands does that make?” Suzie said. Bernie didn’t know, so that means it must be a big number. Bernie’s real good with numbers, except when the numbers are about money.

Here’s another thing: She calls Bernie Kiddo! What’s up with that?

So now Bernie and I are searching the whole house for the pot that we deep fry the turkey in. “How can we have lost a big thing like that?” Bernie says. A good question, as humans say. But what does that mean, exactly? I’m not sure I like questions of any kind. But I do like Thanksgiving, my very favorite holiday. Is it tomorrow?


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