Posts Tagged ‘aquifer’

Chetspeak on Sunday


December 27th, 2015 Posted 8:43 am

Old man Heydrich, our neighbor on the other side, was out watering his lawn. We have a desert-style lawn, me and Bernie, and so do the Parsons, but Heydrich has a golf-course-style lawn, or even greener. Bernie got a real annoyed look on his face. Now that I’d seen the aquifer with my own eyes, almost totally gone already, I was just as annoyed as Bernie. How hard would it be to snatch that hose right out of his hand? A piece of cake. Let’s leave out my thoughts on actual cake for the time being.

Old man Heydrich glanced over at us, through a tiny rainbow that hovered in the spray. “Parsons kick the bucket?” he said.

“Excuse me?”

“Happened to see the ambulance.” Heydrich turned the hose on a big flowerpot with one small yellow flower growing in the middle, and watered it until it slumped over. “Happen to know he’s been poorly. Added it up.”

“There’s one aquifer,” Bernie said. “One and one only. Do the math on that.”



Aquifers and Us


July 11th, 2014 Posted 8:12 am

We crossed the Arroyo Seco Bridge, not even a trickle of water underneath. “How many aquifers have we got, big guy? One and one alone.” And soon we were in Pottsdale, one of the nicest parts of the Valley, with big houses, fancy stores, and lots of golf courses. “So goddamn green,” Bernie said. “Green comes from blue, and we’re running out of blue. How simple can it be?”

Green comes from blue? That’s what Bernie called simple? Just another example of his amazing brainpower.

– from TAIL OF VENGEANCE, the new Chet & Bernie e-short, available now.

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Chetspeak on Sunday


June 22nd, 2014 Posted 9:00 am

Bernie had a burger and another bourbon; steak tips and water for me. His face returned to normal. Whew. Bernie worried about the aquifer a lot and sometimes when he got going couldn’t stop. All our water came from the aquifer – I’d heard him say that over and over, although I’d never laid eyes on this aquifer, whatever it was. I didn’t get it at all: there was plenty of water in the Valley – how else to explain all that spraying on the golf courses, morning and evening, and those beautiful little rainbows the sprinklers made? We had water out the yingyang. I got up and pressed my head against Bernie’s leg. He did some light scratching in that space between my eyes, impossible for me to get to. Ah, bliss. I spotted a French fry under the stool next to Bernie’s and snapped it up.

– from Thereby Hangs A Tail. (Number 2 in the series, but they can be read in any order – order them in any order you want!)


At Work, Me and Bernie


May 7th, 2009 Posted 8:07 am

We drove on past the golf course. “Martin Ramirez and Ezra Printz were both in the Stockton mental hospital at the same time,” Bernie said. “Ezra Printz handled PR on the Greed shoot. You found that film can in Death Valley.” Hey! I’d almost forgotten that. My tail started swishing back and forth on the seat. And then I remembered something from that Death Valley cave: a skull. Uh-oh. “What are you barking about, boy? You can’t be hungry.”

No, I hadn’t been barking about food, but now that he mentioned it …

“And in that film can do we find film? No – we find a painting by Martin Ramirez. But suppose there was film in the can at one time, maybe when Ezra Printz came the mental hospital in Stockton. See where we’re going with this?”


“The question is – ” Bernie began, and then suddenly stopped. He’d noticed the sprinklers spraying water all over the golf course. “What the hell? Don’t they realize there’s only one aquifer? Don’t they know it took millions of years for that aquifer to fill?”

I put my paw on his knee. The car swerved a bit. I took in the lovely scent of water.


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