This One’s For Cosmo

Note from Admin: Please don’t read if you don’t want to know ahead of time. This is the biopsy scene (actually two scenes, the end of Chapter 1 and the beginning of Chapter 2 of book 3, called To Bark Perchance To Bite until someone says different).

Note from Spence: Boy, is he in a bad mood today.

The phone buzzed just as Bernie started up the car. Bernie had the phone rigged so the voice came through the speakers. “Bernie? Amy here.” I knew Amy. She was the vet. A nice woman, big and round, with soft hands, but I never liked going to the vet. “I’ve got the lab report on that lump.” Bernie leaned forward.

Chapter Two

Lump? There was Lumpy Clumpinello, of course, a truck-hijacker from South Pedroia, now breaking rocks in the hot sun – I could still remember how he’d squealed when I grabbed him by the pant leg, which is usually how we closed our cases at the Little Detective Agency – but other than that no lumps came to mind. Meanwhile, out on the street, I saw one of my guys, on a leash – I’d hardly ever been on a leash, the last time being in court, when I’d been Exhibit A and Exhibit B was a .44 Magnum I’d dug up out of some perp’s flower bed – lifting his leg against a fire hydrant. I wanted to do that, too, lay my mark on top of his, and right now. Was there any way I could somehow jump –

“And?” Bernie said, at the same time putting his hand on me, in fact around my collar.

Amy’s voice came through the speakers. “And – the results were negative.”

The blood drained from Bernie’s face. All at once he went from looking great to looking terrible, like this sick old guy who sometimes goes past our house in a wheelchair. “Oh, God,” he said. “Negative?”

“That’s good news, Bernie,” Amy said. “The best. Negative is good.”

“Negative is good?”

“It means no malignancy,” Amy said. “It’s just a benign growth, may shrink and vanish on its own, and easily removable if not.”

The blood came rushing back to Bernie’s face. It turned bright red – I had no doubt about that, no matter what anyone says about me and color – and he smiled a smile so big his eyes practically disappeared. What the hell was going on? “Thank you,” Bernie said. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Amy laughed and said goodbye. Bernie patted my head, kind of hard, actually. “Good boy,” he said. “Way to go.”

Nice, but what had I done? Was this about taking down Lumpy Clumpinello, or something else? The Lumpy Clumpinello case seemed like a long time ago, but maybe it wasn’t – time plays tricks on you, Bernie says. I didn’t know, didn’t really care, but Bernie was excited about something so I started getting excited, too. At that moment we came to a stop sign. Looking back, I could still see the fire hydrant, part way down the block. Have I mentioned that the Porsche is a convertible, in fact has no top at all? The next thing I knew I was lifting my leg against that hydrant, marking it from top to bottom and then back up again, doing a proper job. The air filled with soft splashing sounds, kind of like a fountain. I love fountains. One of my favorites is in the lobby of the Ritz, this fancy hotel in Beaumont Hills, the nicest part of the Valley, where Bernie and I once worked a case, although that particular fountain had actually led to problems with the management, too complicated to go into now. A woman in a passing car gave me a look, maybe not friendly. I gave her a look back, not friendly or unfriendly, just this polite look I have for when my mind is elsewhere.

Admin: No tags on this post.


This entry was posted on Saturday, February 6th, 2010 at 8:31 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

38 Responses to “This One’s For Cosmo”

  1. B. Stover
    4:21 am on February 6th, 2010

    Wonder why Spence is in a bad mood. Also, why doesn't admin want a tag on this post.

    Here is my response to the "peek" so stop reading those who don't want to know. Whew!

  2. B. Stover
    4:28 am on February 6th, 2010

    Oh…I see….that note is from Spence and the "he" who is in a bad mood is admin since he lost. YES!

  3. Gus & BooBear
    5:41 am on February 6th, 2010

    Way to go, Chet !!!! And yeah for Spence for overruling Admin who wanted to keep the news from us. Admin with just have to get happy again regardless.

  4. Gus & BooBear
    5:44 am on February 6th, 2010

    And we love the title of the post "This One's for Cosmo"!! We have become quite a tight group here and thanks to Chet for acknowledging our previous worry over Cosmo!

  5. Rio - The Evil Pug
    6:08 am on February 6th, 2010

    Wow!…Nice work everyone! Great Intel! Our devious under-handed ways worked. I knew he would spill his guts! heh… and even an added bonus Intel. 'She's' a 'He'. I imagine most of you already knew that and didn't have the heart to set me straight.

    Snort!….Oh, and I'm really relieved to find out, that Admin is in a bad mood and not Spence. I was sorta thinkin' he might be mad at me for some reason and it was bugging me. Thanks for clearing that up B.Stover.

  6. Mollypop
    6:46 am on February 6th, 2010

    Now that we have our answer on that one, I want to know how Wookie is doing in Chevy Chase. Does he have a nice warm Snuggie like Cosmo has? Cosmo – you look very handsome in that Snuggie!

  7. Cosmo
    7:36 am on February 6th, 2010

    Wow, thanks for that personal touch Chet, you really made my day!!! I can't wait to show all my pals here in CT!!! Thanks to Spence too for having the heart that Admin seems to be having a problem with. Get over it! After all, as you said so well yesterday, this is a democracy! I'm guessing there are no tags so people can't find this post easily. I won't say anything about the post in case the "no voters" want to read mine. While Chet was posting this I was at the vet AGAIN, I'm really getting sick of that place! I'm really happy that he said there was no problem this time, I just have to start taking something called probiotics, whatever they are. Hopefully it'll be a long time before I have to go back.

    It's so much fun talking with you guys! Thanks SH for the search help, Mom will do it later today. Thanks Rio for the show info, looks pretty cool! We saw Patsy Cline's pic, looks like she has a great time in that truck! Wow Gus & BB, 17 cats!!!! Your Mom is awesome! Thanks Molly for the kind comment, I hope Wookie has a snuggie too, they make them for your guys size I think. Eventhough I can't walk to well in snow, I still like it and we're so jealous of all our friends who live in PA, NJ & VA who are gettin' pounded right now! We also looked back to the older posts, what a hoot! We also saw MP & Megan's pics, great! Also there's a cute new hound howlin'away named Dena (and some other non-canine too)I hope she drops on by!

    Well we gotta get going, but Mom and I will be back later with another intel report on twitter. Now that this matter is resolved, we can focus on our other assignments! Tailwags, SA Cos

  8. Siberian Husky
    7:51 am on February 6th, 2010

    Note to Admin: You get to keep your job. Seriously, thank you. We promise that we will still be buying book number three the day it comes out. Spence is a good writer, knows dog lovers, and you need to trust his judgement. The suspense is not ruined. Get happy! I'm happy–Chet is ok, Cosmo is ok, Henry found a home–It is a great day even if it isn't snowing here.

    ps Rio: No, I didn't know that admin was a "he". I made an educated guess (read into that what you will), but mom says I had a fifty fifty chance of getting it right.

  9. Cosmo
    8:13 am on February 6th, 2010

    Siberian Husky – you said it all perfectly, thanks!

  10. megan
    8:19 am on February 6th, 2010

    Hey, Chet! Lexi here! Just wonderin' when the book is coming out! Catchaya later! Megan and mommy went shoppin, they always get me something.

  11. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:29 am on February 6th, 2010

    Gruff!… Chet is so impressive. I wish I could do half of what he is capable of. The way he can just jump out of the car and piss on whatever he wants is something I only dream about.

    Remember that time he saved Bernie’s life? How he pulled big ole Bernie up the cliff to safety?… Our guy is a bonnified Hero!….snort!

  12. Cosmo
    8:58 am on February 6th, 2010

    Don't forget the dog show tonight guys!

  13. B. Stover
    9:22 am on February 6th, 2010

    Whew! regarding Cosmo as well. I'm really glad there is no problem this time.

    Rio: Spence doesn't get mad at us. I like the way Chet saved Princess. (And I'm sure that if you found yourself in a similar situation, you would be a hero too…a very pugnacious hero.)

    All admins I've ever known are tough-skinned; they have to be since their job is the bottom line. He'll be okay.

    Now, back to Colonel Bob's son…….

  14. The Peis
    9:32 am on February 6th, 2010

    Wow!I am so happy I found this blog– just finished the second book and I was worried about Chet. Thank you for posting this except–I don't believe anyone would not buy the third book because of finding out the results of the biopsy. So a big raspberry (a nice well meaning one) for Admin!

    One of the shar-pei that live with me is Cosmo (the other is Pei-le) and I was confused for a moment. I wondered how my Cosmo had figured out how to use the keyboard. LOL Rio-there is a lot of snorting going on over here as well.

  15. Vinnie
    10:17 am on February 6th, 2010

    Thank you!!!

  16. Rio - The Evil Pug
    11:25 am on February 6th, 2010

    BS!….I thought we put Colonel Bob’s son to bed yesterday…mmmm…that doesn’t sound quite right…anyway, are you trying to get a rise outta me Stover? Colonel Bob doesn’t have a son. My friend’s dad was reading that exact page today. Quite a coincidence wouldn’t you say???…grunt!

    Two girls, twins.

    No son.

  17. B. Stover
    12:01 pm on February 6th, 2010

    In the post on January 6, "Back in the Valley" we first hear about Col Bob's son. In the post on January 8, "Doohickey" he's given a name: Ray. In the post of January 27, "Fetch" Chet and Bernie are on a case regarding Col Bob's son. So…the glitch has to be fixed.

  18. Rio - The Evil Pug
    12:38 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Wha!?…If what you say is true Stover, we may not get this mess resolved until sometime next year…mmmm…cause it sounds like Chet and Bernie are working on this case right now.

    Agents!… was there any Intel on Twitter about Colonel Bob’s so called son? Any clues at all hidden deep within Spence’s answers. Snort!….please try and find something!

  19. Megan
    12:48 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Rio, you r so right! In the second book, he says that he has twin girls, mom got custody. Now theres a son? I'm confused! Chet, help me out here!

  20. Melanie
    1:11 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Chet, congratulations!

    The Newf pack is sighing with relief. Well, actually they are snoring. And when all ten are in the same room snoring, it's really loud.

    Thanks for twisting arms Spence!

  21. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:35 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Agent Mel!… 10 Newfs all in the same room farting and snoring??…what could be better than that!?…now I am starting to get an idea of how they stole that ball…mmmm.

  22. Melanie
    1:46 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Yes, General Rio, When they start snoring, humans start yawning, soon all are asleep.

  23. Cosmo
    2:12 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Welcome to the Peis! Hey another Cosmo, how cool is that?! Wow, my head is spinning from all the confusion about Col. Bob's offspring. Maybe he had a son from another marriage? Chet we really need your help here! To Rio and all the other agents, been trying to infiltrate twitter and it's locked up pretty tight. Could not gather any more intel on this situation yet. I can report on the the way it's set up though and I don't like it! It's very confusing with the tweetchat, retweet, twitpic and tweetdeck and it's all over the place! Mom is handling four blogs, facebook and is trying something called photoshop (whatever that is) and says that this twitter stuff is the most confusing of it all. It would be one thing is it was all on one site, but noooo. So that's our report for tonight, sorry it wasn't more productive. But we'll never give up, have patience Cmdr. Rio and Agents! Please let us know if any of you can offer more info.

    ps – Thanks A-Kat!

  24. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:46 pm on February 6th, 2010

    We’ve been watching the movie, “O Brother Where Art Thou” …snort!…some guy named T-Bone Burnett wrote the music for this movie…snort!…what a great name!! And next is the Dog Show!…mmm…wonder if there are any pugs showing off their hot stuff tonight.

  25. Mollypop
    3:05 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Oh no! I'm in some crazy ski resort and Mom just came back from a party – some drinking going on – and she looks for the dog show on tv. They don't get that channel here. Please guys, please report on the dog show tomorrow. And Gus and BooBear, AbbietheKitty and Alice, maybe you're watching too. Rio – let me know about the pugs. I also have a cousin Pug named Emma. She had to go on a diet but she's still shaped like a football.

  26. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:10 pm on February 6th, 2010

    M-Pop!…The Pug was the first to go…mmmm… No Surprise There!

  27. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:23 pm on February 6th, 2010

    M-Pop!…when I said the Pug was first to go, I meant she was first to strut her stuff…the winner of the Toy Dog category is…mmmm…The Toy Poodle has won! This is the only category i am interested in, so don't expect updates all night long. gruff!

    Wha!?…so tell me more about Emma…mmmm…

  28. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:38 pm on February 6th, 2010

    M-Pop!…Good news for your guys gal. The Standard Poodle has won it’s category. Just had to let you know that…grunt!

    So Emma…what’s she like?

  29. Mollypop
    3:58 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Rio – Emma is a pug, so you know, and very spoiled. Her big brother is a black lab that weighs 120 pounds. He's one of the ones that can hold four tennis balls in his mouth. However, Emma somehow seems to rule the roost. I think you know all about that stuff.

    Thanks for the dog show updates. Now I need to know about the otterhounds, Sandy D'Andrea's malamutes, and then the precious maltese like cousin Samantha (and Princess). How could I be stuck in this ski place?

  30. Cosmo
    4:28 pm on February 6th, 2010

    We're popping in and out from the show guys! MP, the show is also on Discovery if you get that? Congrats on the poodle win! Rio, sorry the pug didn't make it, she was really cute though. The hounds finsished a little while ago, and some Italian hound I never heard of won first, I forget second, but the 15" Beagle won third! Sporting group is on now, will report back.

  31. AbbietheKitty
    4:41 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Missing the dog show here too. One of the staff is watching something historical on TV and so the other staff, who usually writes for me, is SOL. (We are a one TV household, we read mostly.)

    So Thanks Very Much Commander Rio for the snortin' reportin'.

    Cosmo, good news! Yes! I have lots of faith in you buddy.

    I haven't read the post yet. I am going to try to keep it a surprise. Not that I think it will be a surprise because I KNEW that Chet would be OK. Some things you just know in your heart.

    (Hmmmmmm. So if I know, then I can read the post maybe?) I have to think about that.

    As a side note staff, the writer, has a sister who lives way up north in British Columbia, Canada. She was turned into a Chet and Bernie fan when she was given a copy of Dog On It for the plane ride home from Minneapolis (which takes her two days and a minimum of 3 planes.) So she started checking out this blog and saw a picture which she said "Looked just like Abbie" Then she said, "Wait a minute, that IS Abbie!" he he he he he

    Staff told her I was BIG on 🙂

    [img ] abbie.jpg[/img]

  32. Rio - The Evil Pug
    4:45 pm on February 6th, 2010

    M-Pop!…Wha!?…I don't know who you are talkin' to regarding getting you this dog-show Intel, but its definitely not me. Maybe Cosmo will help you out.

    dude!…you are sorry to be stuck in a ski resort.. wow! what I wouldn't give to snowboard..or ride in Patsy Klines pickup truck!..

  33. AbbietheKitty
    6:07 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Mollipop Mollipop

    Oh molli molli molli

    Mollipop Mollipop….

    Call my baby mollipop

    Tell you why

    His kiss is sweeter than an apple pie

    And when he does his shaky rockin' dance

    Man, I haven't got a chance

    I call him

    Mollipop Mollipop

    Oh molli molli molli

    Mollipop Mollipop….

    Sweeter than candy on a stick

    Huckleberry, cherry or lime

    If you had a choice

    He'd be your pick

    But mollipop is mine

    Mollipop Mollipop

    Oh molli molli molli

    Mollipop Mollipop….

    Crazy way he thrills me

    Tell you why

    Just like a lightning from the sky

    He loves to kiss me till I can't see straight


    I call him

    Mollipop Mollipop

    Oh molli molli molli

    Mollipop Mollipop….

    And if that isn't enough I found the original video by the Chordettes and is that Andy Williams doing the 'pop'? Here is the link to song lyric search.

  34. Cosmo
    6:17 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Hah, great to know that whole song AK, and yes you ARE BIG here at Chetthedog! We're off to bed soon, can barely keep my eyes open, but here are the final winners of tonight's AKC show:

    Toy – Toy Poodle

    Non-sporting – Standard Poodle (Yay Molly! I think you look so much better than those weird shaves!)

    Hound – Greyhound (I got it mixed up earlier, an Italian hound won the International part), Beagle got third!

    Sporting – Irish Setter

    Herding – Ruff, I mean Rough Collie

    Terrier – Scottie

    Working – Boxer, and the Newf got fourth!

    Best in show went to the Scottie…nighty night blog dudes, tailwags!

  35. Rio - The Evil Pug
    6:24 pm on February 6th, 2010

    A-Kat…What the Phuq?… thats definitely 'the nuff'.

  36. AbbietheKitty
    6:35 pm on February 6th, 2010

    Rio-I have no clue. Not one. Is that good? Bad? I am a curious cat. However maybe this link will be better.
    So cool to have a nickname. Staff calls me 'the Abbster' sometimes.

  37. Janine
    4:41 pm on February 10th, 2010

    So glad to see this – I was worried about Chet! And glad to see that Cosmo is okay, too!

  38. ShelbytheChessie
    1:56 pm on February 17th, 2010

    Dear Chet,

    My 10 month old Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Shelby, hasn't learned how to type yet so she asked me to type for her. We both LOVE your books and can't wait to read the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and so on!! So please, get the third book on the shelves soon! We all can't wait!! Thanks for all the great books so far,

    <3 Shelby and Emily

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