Smithereens

“Nice and friendly, Albie leaving his door open like this,” Bernie said as we entered the house, a cool breeze of air-conditioning flowing in our faces. I’m not a big fan of air-conditioning. It makes me sneezy sometimes. But not now. Now I was more interested in this huge, quiet house of Albie’s. And was he really nice and friendly? Not that I remembered. Plus he smelled of old cheese, a smell I wasn’t picking up at the moment. So Albie wasn’t home. In fact, no one seemed to be home. Houses feel different when they’re empty, hard to explain why. So I won’t even try.

After a while we were in the kitchen. It kind of reminded me of the kitchen at Max’s Memphis Ribs – one of my very favorite places – except it was way bigger. I sniffed around for scraps, found none. That hardly ever happened in kitchens. Meanwhile Bernie was gazing at the table. There was nothing on it but a wine glass, lying on its side. Bernie took out the .38 Special. Always glad to see the .38 Special, of course, but why now? For a moment I thought Bernie was going to blow that wine glass to smithereens. Did that make sense? Kind of, at least to me.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 9th, 2010 at 9:48 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

84 Responses to “Smithereens”

  1. Melanie
    5:10 am on June 9th, 2010

    Ohhhh, WOW! Be extra careful Chet. Of course, you're not smelling anything so it may be okay and Bernie won't have to shoot the wine glass. A wine glass on it's side . . .hmmm, a hasty retreat?

  2. Barb & Maggie
    5:13 am on June 9th, 2010

    Hey, I can't believe we are the first today. Usually it's Stover. First of all, to answer Wolfie, yes almost everything is going to be covered by insurance, after the $500 deductible, whatever that is. However, they will only pay for 2/3 of the roof, because 1/3 is not damaged. Barb doesn't want a mismatched roof, since the barn is right in our back yard, so she will have to pay for that part.

    Next, someone yesterday thought the shower was on Thurs. the 10th, but that is June, not July. The 10th of July is on Saturday.

    Melanie, we had a great book several years ago about Newfies. It was written by a woman who came from So. Africa, we think. She lived on the east coast in a big house, and raised Newfies. Can't remember her name or name of book. Do you know the one we are talking about? It was well written and very touching.

  3. Barb & Maggie
    5:14 am on June 9th, 2010

    By the time we pushed submit we were 2nd. Darn!

  4. Riö - The Evil
    5:15 am on June 9th, 2010

    Empty!….Does Albie even drink wine?…. snort!…Well, wine and cheese do go together quite nicely….sniff!… Empty house, door open, wine glass on its side…. wheeze!… This is starting to look like a real mystery finally…heh!

  5. Riö - The Evil
    5:18 am on June 9th, 2010

    MagPie!…Are you sure it wasn’t Melanie who wrote that book?…. snort!… Wait, what am I saying?… wheeze! heh!

  6. Riö - The Evil
    5:24 am on June 9th, 2010

    Gun!… Something Bernie saw made him pull out his gun ….snort!… I doubt it was just the empty glass. I bet there is something else on the table that Chet can’t see…grunt!…Not blood, or he would have smelt it, maybe documents? ….sneeze!

  7. Siberian Husky
    6:38 am on June 9th, 2010

    Sigh of relief..Bernie has his gun. What is a kitchen without scraps and crumbs…a kitchen cleaner than my mom's, tee hee. The kitchen is suspicious.

  8. Lexi
    7:03 am on June 9th, 2010

    Rio! Grr! Puppies aren't puppies anymore at the human year age of 2. Okay? I looked it up, just to please you. Stop yelling at me! Sob.

    Okay, tell me this: Why would Bernie want to pull out his gun? This is a scary movie moment. Have seen lots of scary movies myself. With Megan, especially. At least she doesn't scream. Mommy does. Well, that one time…watching Paranormal Activity…gah.

  9. Riö - The Evil
    7:22 am on June 9th, 2010

    Lexi!… So we’ve got a full year of you being a Puppy … crap!… I didn’t yell at you! In fact I haven’t yelled at you in quite some time now… snort!… This is a scary movie moment on the blog….grunt!… Bernie doesn’t pull his gun very often, does he? ….gulp!

  10. B. Stover
    8:45 am on June 9th, 2010

    I don't think it's a scary movie/blog moment because Chet doesn't smell anything–so no body or anyone lurking. Let's see….what could Bernie have seen on the table. Rio said documents, but why would that bring the gun out? Unless…..maybe it's a message written in lipstick…on the tablecloth. I like getting more action like this.

    I've been to the dentist getting my crown. Half of my mouth is numb.

  11. Sam
    8:50 am on June 9th, 2010

    Crowns, root canals, tooth screws, yuk!! When I was 1 year old I have to have some extra fangs pulled. The better to bite you with, I said. But then I took a nap and they were gone.

  12. Riö - The Evil
    8:54 am on June 9th, 2010

    AbbieTheKat!… The Rockies play the Twins next Tuesday night!… snort!… Will you be watching the game with Alice Johnson?…grunt!….Wow! So far the Twins are leading their division….cough-uh oh!

    Stover!… I had a feeling you were at the dentist this morning. You poor thing!… groan!… This whole thing with Bernie pulling his gun out is really puzzling me….grunt!

  13. B. Stover
    8:58 am on June 9th, 2010

    There has to be something that Bernie can see but that can't be smelled. I don't think Bernie would take his gun out just because the front door was open or because of the wine glass on its side. Wish I could turn the "page" and read the next part.

  14. Melanie
    8:58 am on June 9th, 2010

    Lexi, you can be a puppy as long as you want. We all just woke up from a nap! It was great. We have one pup who was crying and crying this morning. Turns out she fell asleep during her crew's eating time and was hungry! She was UPSET which made GRACE upset. Whew. Zoë did some supplemental feeding and then the little one got to be with her mom on her own. That settled both of them down and we were able to get naps after the little one finished.

    Can't remember who asked about drool? Maybe 3 or 4 months. I remember when we were so proud of Ellie (now 11 years old now) when she had her first drool! She's a champion drooler now. Can go 11 feet no problem.

    So Chet doesn't smell anything interesting, I think Riö is right that something visalbe that Chet does not understand is what made him pull his gun.

    Riö, you have now made me wonder where the rip is.

    Magpie and Barb, are you thinking of In The Company of Newfies? We have it around here somewhere. Good book. The author also wrote a play called "Eleanor" about Eleanor Roosevelt. We have met that author.

  15. Melanie
    8:59 am on June 9th, 2010

    B Stover, I'm not sure the next page is written yet!

  16. Riö - The Evil
    9:10 am on June 9th, 2010

    Drool!… Eleven feet of Drool!!… snort!… You have got to be kidding, right?… ugh!… That’s just disgusting and slimy … ick!… For some reason I really like the puppy that was complaining so much about not getting fed… heh!

  17. B. Stover
    9:12 am on June 9th, 2010

    According to amazon.com, In the Company of Newfies: A Shared Life was written by Rhoda Lerman (2002, $27.95 hardcover).

    Melanie: I think you're right about the next page not being written since this is our blog story. I'll bet the ideas are there though.

  18. Melanie
    9:22 am on June 9th, 2010

    Riö: sorry, the drool was not 11 feet long, she can toss drool 11 feet.

    B. Stover: I think you're right. I wonder if SQ ever gets the story mixed up with one that he is actually writing. I know the other night that I went to bed looking forward to finding out what was going to happen next, but I had no way to know, because I was reading a different book!

  19. Riö - The Evil
    9:27 am on June 9th, 2010

    Gag!…. She tosses her drool Eleven Feet!!!?… snort!….So you could be an innocent bystander and get hit with a gob of slimy drool at any time ….ugh!… I’m sorry, I have to go outside for awhile and eat some grass…. burp!

  20. B. Stover
    9:51 am on June 9th, 2010

    Rio, you are making me laugh so hard! Don't eat grass; it will make you vomit, or is that the point?

    Melanie: You're making me laugh too! I'm filled with awe at the way you and Zoe know how to handle dogs–knowing exactly what the puppy and Grace needed at that moment of crisis.

  21. Riö - The Evil
    10:24 am on June 9th, 2010

    Ugh!… My guess is Melanies keyboard looks a lot like this!…. snort!… I Googled ‘Newf Drool’ and there were some interesting photos… gag!spit!

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1276111467-keyboard_drool.jpg[/img]

  22. B. Stover
    11:19 am on June 9th, 2010

    Ewwwwww…

  23. Riö - The Evil
    11:27 am on June 9th, 2010

    Stover!… Hurry! Go eat some grass!…. snort!… It always helps me.

  24. Sam
    11:41 am on June 9th, 2010

    For goodness sakes, you two – just go get some kleenex.

  25. Riö - The Evil
    12:12 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Sam!… I’m not cleaning that slimy drool up… Hell No! I won’t Go! … snort!

  26. B. Stover
    12:19 pm on June 9th, 2010

    I think a glass of red wine would do the trick.

    Lexi: Please ignore this post.

  27. Riö - The Evil
    12:35 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Crap!… I could go for some bowl s of beer to sooth my upset stomach….gagme!

  28. BARB & MAGGIE
    12:38 pm on June 9th, 2010

    You guys are whimps! Newfie drool isn't any worse than a Pug burp or fart! Mom's daughter just keeps a towel handy for such moments. And they really can shake their heads and have the drool hit the ceiling!

    Melanie, In the Company of Newfies: A shared Life is the right book. Thanks a bunch.

  29. B. Stover
    12:46 pm on June 9th, 2010

    I think we should change the subject and I think this calls for an exception and that Rio should have a bowl of beer.

  30. Melanie
    12:47 pm on June 9th, 2010

    You guys really had Zoë and I laughing. Dan's come in to see why! Of course, since it's raining the Pack is asleep.

    Somewhere I have a picture of drool. Must find it!!!

  31. Riö - The Evil
    12:48 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Look!… Here’s some drool with hair in it…. ugh!… It was flung across the room and landed on the wall… gag!… Apparently, all the Newfie people call flying drool ‘floogers’, and they like to brag about how far their Newfs can fling their drool….(aka Melanie!)….gag!

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1276120077-flooger.jpg[/img]

  32. Melanie
    12:54 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Oh Riö, I couldn't find the picture of the drool that was hanging from the ceiling. It was great!

    Did find this one. It reminds me of what Barb and Magpie said about Barb's daughter's Newfs!

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1276120482-IMG_3003.JPG[/img]

  33. Riö - The Evil
    12:56 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Gaaaaaagh!…. Excuse me, I need more grass!!!…. OUT! OUT! LET ME OUT!…….ugh!

  34. dawson
    12:59 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Bernie: remembered his gun!

    Rio: Thanks for sharing that photo of Newf drool with us, NOT.

    Melanie:I had a picture of Melanie with a tape measure, measuring drool, "Yes, that's a record. 11 Feet!" I'm sorry I asked about drool but I love the Newfs almost as much as I can't stand drool. So I could enjoy the Newfs for 3 or 4 months and then I'd have to return them. Or…maybe I would get used to drool. Do you just carry around a cloth at all times to wipe up? I looked at Rio's picture again and there isn't THAT much drool on that keyboard. Hmmm.

  35. Riö - The Evil
    1:01 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Hey!… I like Stover’s idea of letting me have bowls of beer!…heh!… Now I’ve got grass in my messed up teeth…poooey!

  36. BARB & MAGGIE
    1:13 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Melanie, Love that pic of water shaking. I can make out an eye, nose and some teeth, what a cool shot. Did you take it?

    When Barb's daughter has a party, all the guest have slime marks right about pant pocket height, because Gus and Joe like to come up and check to see if there is anything interesting in there. By the end of the party everyone has been slimed.

    Also, they drool more if they are watching you eat food. And that's all I have to say about drool!

  37. Lexi
    2:25 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Rio! We don't need to see that drool picture! Yuck!

    Guys! Stop suggesting that Rio should have beer and wine and crap! Grr! You are mean doggies! Rio, don't listen to them! You're better than that!!!

    And this IS a scary movie moment! You don't know who or what is gonna pop out of who knows where and you're not SO prepared for it. To me, that's scary. And it's in movies. Put 2 and 2 together, guys!

    Tailwags and licks. Lexi-a puppy that needs to pee but Megan is ignoring me. Now: Lexi-a mad puppy.

  38. Siberian Husky
    3:00 pm on June 9th, 2010

    lol I have really missed an intellectual day here on Chet's blog. I agree with Barb and Maggie. A little drool never hurt anyone. Mom and I get slimed all the time at the dog park.

    Did you take the picture of the Newf shaking off water, Melanie?

    That's a good picture.

  39. Barb & Maggie
    3:04 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Rio, The hockey game between Chicago and Phily is starting. As previously mentioned, we are not sports people and dogs here, but we will be watching tonight. Do you want updates, or do you want to be surprised?

  40. Mollypop
    3:14 pm on June 9th, 2010

    MagPie! Thanks for reminding me about the hockey game! Oh man, I could have missed it.

  41. Riö - The Evil
    3:16 pm on June 9th, 2010

    MagPie!….OH! That’s right the Hockey game is on at the same time the Rockies game is on….snort!… Rocks don’t start till 6:40 or so I can watch Hockey for a bit… hmmm!… MagPie, please give me updates on the hockey, as we will be more apt to watch our Rockies… darn!…I want to see BOTH!… grrrr!

  42. Mollypop
    3:17 pm on June 9th, 2010

    My Mom is so silly. She just now cried watching Kate Smith singing God Bless America. I guess you have to be an OLD hockey fan to understand.

  43. dawson
    3:20 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Go Chicago!

    Melanie: Seriously. Is that all drool or did that Newf stick his head in a bucket of water before that picture was taken? That would take more than a cloth to wipe up – a turkish bath towel maybe.

  44. Riö - The Evil
    3:20 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Plus!… We have to be in and out watering because of that crappy sprinkler system… grrrroooowwwllll!… That Pepper better stay home tonight or else!…dammit.

  45. dawson
    3:29 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Yikes!

    Blackhawks haven't won in Philadelphia since 1996! I'd say they are due. a very fast-paced game.

  46. ÄbbietheKitty
    3:31 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Ha!

    ~The picture of Newf drool on the keyboard reminds me of my hubbies keyboard. He eats over his so I cover it with plastic wrap. He once poured a cola over our keyboard and had to buy me a new one. I got a new 17" monitor too, because they were between me and door after I had the new keyboard in hand.

    He he he

    That reminds me, I better go recover that keyboard he had punched through some of the keys.

    ~I'm feeling better. How are you BStover?

    ~Thanks for letting me know I was thinking June and the party is July. I can stop sewing like crazy and rest up.

    ~Riö, Oh NO! Tuesday is my quilting night! I suppose the game starts at 7:00. All my quilting buddies will be annoyed if I stiff them a second time…for some reason I wasn't there last night. HA! This will require tact and sneakiness. I will have to let Alice figure it out.

    ~Staff

  47. ÄbbietheKitty
    3:35 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Oh thank goodness. We play Colorado Tuesday, Wednesday and then Thursday afternoon so I feel like I can skip the Tuesday evening game. I know my hubbie will be watching it. He and Abbiethekitty like to watch baseball. Of course Alice has been known to help him watch TV too.

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1276130120-cat bed.jpg.jpg[/img]

  48. B. Stover
    3:39 pm on June 9th, 2010

    AbbieKat's Staff: I'm fine. Thank you.

    I like SH's comment about the intellectual day he's missed.

    Lexi: I think that Rio needs one bowl of beer for medicinal purposes.

  49. Melanie
    3:43 pm on June 9th, 2010

    I'm not saying we're tired here or anything, but I'd comment a lot more if i remembered to hit the submit comment button. . .

    Dawson, that's not drool. But Barb's and Magpie's comment about the bucket and Newfs drinking got me going. That's either Franklin or Mac after they've gone down the rapids.

    Riö, do you floss the grass out of your teeth?

    Lexi, it is sort of scary that Bernie has his gun out, but why doesn't Chet smell anything?

    Staff, Alice is good for being sneaky, but why are you worried about Tuesday? I'm confused, but I am now going to bed. Maybe in the morning things will make sense.

    I hope that Wölfie's boys are okay.

    I think it was Dawson or Wookie that did this for Wölfie "WWWW" I think that's a good thing. It looks like a dog's tail wagging while he's running. Or blurring in Wölfie's case.

    Must sleep!

  50. Riö - The Evil
    3:47 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Stover!….Have I told you how much I love you lately???… sigh!…(btw, I ordered ‘Last of the Dixie Heroes’, should be here in 5 – 10 days. Will keep you posted…snort!…Big Smooch!! Plus Pug Nips on the Ear!…heh!

    Aaaaaaach!… She burned our nachos again!!!…. grunt!… We will be out of groceries soon, dammit!….wheeze!

  51. B. Stover
    4:05 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Enjoy your beer and nachos…if you get them Rio.

    Sleep well Melanie. You deserve it.

    Hope we find out why Bernie took his gun out tomorrow.

  52. Riö - The Evil
    4:15 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Goodnight! …. No Beer for me, Lexi put her paws down… crap!

  53. Riö - The Evil
    4:17 pm on June 9th, 2010

    MagPie!… Where are our updates on the hockey game??? …. Snort!… don’t tell me NOTHING has happened yet?….. grunt!

  54. dawson
    4:35 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Tied 2 – 2 Too exciting to give updates!

  55. Riö - The Evil
    4:42 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Oh!…Crap!…. Bases are loaded over here, can't leave NOW!…bugger!

  56. Riö - The Evil
    4:51 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Growl!… You know what really pisses me off? The sporting events channels have their commercials at the same damn time… snort!… So when there is a break in the baseball, I still can’t see hockey cuz they playing commercials too!… Rigged… Updates?? anyone??

  57. dawson
    4:58 pm on June 9th, 2010

    After two periods: Blackhawks 3, Philly 2.

  58. dawson
    5:03 pm on June 9th, 2010

    A very physical game although no blood…yet.

  59. Barb & Maggie
    5:03 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Starting the 3rd period Chi 3, Phily 2. More later. Mags

  60. Riö - The Evil
    5:08 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Rocks!…Its 2-1 here if anyone is interested… Astro the Dawg is ahead..grrr!

  61. Siberian Husky
    5:25 pm on June 9th, 2010

    2-2 now

  62. Barb & Maggie
    5:28 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Rio, 6:45 mins to go and score is still 3-2 Chi. They haven't won the cup since 1961!

  63. Mollypop
    5:35 pm on June 9th, 2010

    If they get to 1 minute before the end and it's still a 1 goal lead, they'll pull the goalie. They did that in 2 other games …

    Whoa – tie score.

  64. dawson
    5:38 pm on June 9th, 2010

    What a game!

  65. Barb & Maggie
    5:43 pm on June 9th, 2010

    1:20 and it's tied 3-3!

  66. Riö - The Evil
    5:44 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Wow!…. I'm switching over to hockey now for the ending!…Well, she is Not….snort!…So I am at your mercy with updates… this-sucks!….Our game is tied now too…whew!

  67. dawson
    5:48 pm on June 9th, 2010

    It's going to sudden death overtime.

  68. Barb & Maggie
    5:48 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Now we are going into overtime!

  69. Barb & Maggie
    5:50 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Dawson, You and I entered comments at the exact same time!

  70. Riö - The Evil
    5:56 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Sudden-Death!… Is this for the Cup????? …. Woooo Weee!

  71. dawson
    5:58 pm on June 9th, 2010

    The cup is in the House!

  72. Riö - The Evil
    5:59 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Gasp!…. Its 2-2 here in the Bottom of the Ninth. Rockies up!!!….snort!…She will not change the channel… stubborn! Dammit!

  73. Riö - The Evil
    6:07 pm on June 9th, 2010

    OOOH!….Now my Rockies are going into over-time….yeeep!… 10th inning coming up!…grunt!

  74. dawson
    6:08 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Chicago wins the Stanley Cup!

  75. dawson
    6:10 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Go Rockies!

  76. Mollypop
    6:10 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Well, our local boy, Pat Kane, scored the goal. That means, as I've told you before, he and his family of young playful things will be tearing up the Elmwood Strip in a matter of days.

    But good for him!

  77. Barb & Maggie
    6:11 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Patrick Kane did it! Chicago wins the cup. Good night all. Rio, hope the Rockies win for you.

  78. Riö - The Evil
    6:13 pm on June 9th, 2010

    WOW!….WOW!…first time since 1961?…WHOOOPEE!… I bet my friend Rosie is going crazy right now!…He loves the Cubs and all things Chicago!…YEAH!….Back to the Rockies now…paws-crossed

  79. Riö - The Evil
    6:15 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Snuff!…Water running out the YING-YANG… we don't care…sniff..We do, but no one is moving to shut if off right now…heh!

  80. Riö - The Evil
    6:32 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Clap! Clap! Clap!…ClapClapClap!….We need a miracle right now!…snuffle…

  81. Riö - The Evil
    6:58 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Crapola!…. No miracle tonight….wheeze!… I bet it was because I clapped one time too many, I bet that threw them off…sob!sob!

    Tomorrow! …Is a big day for someone, she has to pack up everything at the busy season place and break down her computer and all extras and put them into bags…Wha???…. Hey, I’m just repeating what I hear in the kitchen before I finally get fed!…snort!… So after she gets all that stuff done, she can go do whatever she wants…grunt!… Then the moving crew will come in and move all her busy-season stuff to a brand new place closer to the mountains, which she LOVES!!!… grump!….But, all that is further away from me…dammit!.. She is all excited about it for some reason…Maybe because she gets a health club membership for almost nothing five minutes away from the new Busy Season place..Heh!… I am hoping she is way toooo tired after working out at that place to drag me along on her vigorous walks when she comes home…yeeeep!

  82. Riö - The Evil
    7:07 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Goodnight all!… I really must say, without you guys today my friend would still be feeling badly…snort!… She thinks you all are here for a divine reason.. grunt!.. And all things work together for good for those who believe. Good Night my friends!!…nip!nip!

  83. Riö - The Evil
    7:34 pm on June 9th, 2010

    But!… Then she remembered something ..snort!

    Sucker!…. For Kids insight, Lexi said put “2 and 2 together”… sniffle…two = Albie and Foster, 2 = Chet and Bernie…two = Astrid and Ray… odd man out is Col. Bob…hmmm…. For some strange Lexi-reason we now suspect Col Bob has more to do with it than first suspected…. Drat!… It is late and we are very tired and disappointed in the game, so off we go to the big soft bed… snort!.. I promise not to snore tonight!!!…heh!

    Stover help me…is it feasible??? tomorrow then..heh!

  84. ÄbbietheKitty
    7:51 pm on June 9th, 2010

    Goodnight Rio, BStover, Dawson, Mollypop, Barb and Maggie, Wookie, WWWWWWW, Siber-H, Lexi, Melanie, Sam and whoever I have forgotten. Er, maybe Chet and Bernie…heh heh heh

    I am glad Bernie remembered his gun. Hope he doesn't need it. I wonder who left the glass on the table……..

    Alice Johnson

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