Re-Introducing Colonel Bob (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)

I’d never been in a plane, had no desire to, but pilots! They turned out to be great. At least these pilots were. They had a cool lounge beside the runway, with a grill out front. And what was cooking on the grill? Burgers, burgers by the ton! Not sure what by the ton meant, exactly, but anytime it had to do with food good things happened.

“A burger lover, aren’t you, Chet?” said the driver, who maybe was a pilot, too, possibly even the boss; everyone called her Major. And, yes, I was a burger lover, no denying it. “Room for one more?” she said.

What a question.

I had one more, plus part of another I split with the major. After that, someone found a rubber ball and we had a  game of fetch. One of the guys, Colonel Bob – who may in fact have been the top boss, hard to tell, what with the whole pilot world being brand new to me – was a pretty good thrower, his arm almost as strong as Bernie’s.

“Got a set of wheels on you, huh, Chet?” said Colonel Bob.

Wheels? What was he talking about? But I liked Colonel Bob, especially his big red face and short gray hair, cut flat on top. He gave me a nice pat. So did the major. And some of the others. After some more fetch, I got tired – not like me at all, getting tired in the middle of fetch – and lay down in a shady spot overlooking a strange black plane on the runway, scary just to look at. My eyes closed.

“He’d be fun to have around,” someone said.

“Who could afford to feed him?” said someone else.

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35 Responses to “Re-Introducing Colonel Bob (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)”

  1. B. Stover
    4:25 am on February 20th, 2010

    Okay…….

  2. Melanie
    4:46 am on February 20th, 2010

    Chet, please know that we love you know matter who (whoops, I meant how) much you eat. You obviously work all that food off.

    Keep up your strength!

  3. Lexi
    5:35 am on February 20th, 2010

    Chet, another reason that you're luckier than I. Megan said if I take ONE bite of a burger, I'd be full, cuz one bite is enough to fill my stomach,since Im so small!

  4. AbbietheKitty
    5:50 am on February 20th, 2010

    Ahhhhh,

    I liked the Army. Chet felt safe there.

    Maybe Col. Bob's son is someone he didn't know about until 'To Bark, Perchance to Bite'. Maybe that is why they have to go to the Caribbean to 'rescue' him.

    Maybe we have to wait until the book is out to find out.

    Drat it all.

    AbbietheKitty

  5. Siberian Husky
    6:08 am on February 20th, 2010

    There is a great review of Thereby Hangs a Tail and a mention of Chet's blog in the Feb./March issue of Bark magazine.

  6. Wookie of Chevy Chas
    6:18 am on February 20th, 2010

    Rio. Thanks for the clever cover story last night, it certainly helped keep my escape route clear down the entire Jersey Turnpike. I'll have my full report to you later but suffice to say that I can report mission accomplished, although I am still a bit fuzzy about exactly how that mind control device we planted actually works. It may take a bit longer than we thought, but I am confident that more details about book three will be forthcoming shortly. PFC W

  7. Gus & BooBear
    6:25 am on February 20th, 2010

    Sounds like Chet is getting ready to start writing about THE CASE again and was just prepping all of us for the history on Col. Bob. I like AbbytheKitty's explanation of how a son may have appeared! And, of course, Chet wouldn't know Col.Bob's family dynamics.

    Apolo is racing again tonight!!!

  8. Gus & BooBear
    6:35 am on February 20th, 2010

    Where is Cosmo??

  9. Lexi
    7:02 am on February 20th, 2010

    Cosmo was abducted!!!!!!!Help him!!!!

  10. Mollypop
    7:28 am on February 20th, 2010

    What do we do now? Cmdr. Rio has gone missing too!

  11. AbbietheKitty
    8:00 am on February 20th, 2010

    Now don't go blaming Alice Johnson. She is a good friend of Cosmo's and would never abduct him. They might go off together for a good time and a little something to eat, but no abductions.

    Commander Rio is just watching the Olympics. We all know that. Probably more curling.

    AbbietheKitty

  12. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:44 am on February 20th, 2010

    Wha!?…I wonder if it was Spence’s idea not to show the part where Colonel Bob says, “Two girls here—twins. The mom got custody.”….snort!…page 132 in the hard cover.

    A-Kat!…nice to see you on a Saturday afternoon!…Grunt!…We just turned on the Olympics…snort!…and damned if curling isn’t on again!…Growl!…All that Mopping!…wheeze! …Maybe I can catch a glimpse of Alice riding on one of those rocks….heh heh..

  13. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:50 am on February 20th, 2010

    Wookie!… Sweet!…(wink wink, nod nod,…say no more) … Grunt!.. (for now anyway).

  14. Rio - The Evil Pug
    11:35 am on February 20th, 2010

    Snort!…After a full week of grueling determination and clever deception, Wookie along with the outstanding technical help from Siber-H, successfully accomplished the “Mind over Matter” mission on Cape Code….Grunt!…Wookie has just finished filing his final report.

    Ahem!… Here is what happened.

    Grunt!… Once we knew for sure that Alice had lied about being in Audrey’s house posing as a body guard…Snort!… and was in fact traveling in an over-sized refrigerated box….[snicker]. We knew the Coast was clear for Wookie to make his way to the house on Cape Code…Gruff!

    Alice!… being curios about the link on my name played beautifully into our plan…Grunt!…One could even say, ‘Curiosity Killed the Kat’… Earlier Siber-H had cleverly created the bogus link with the very special GPS Kat tracking system attached to it. Grunt!!… At this point, we knew without a doubt she was on her way up North to hide out with a friend. Growl!

    In the meantime, Wookie with all his special gear, disabled the paw detection sensors which were installed by Spence himself in an attempt to keep ALL guys away from his precious Audrey….heh…heh!…His bad memory did not serve him well in this electrical exercise!…Wookie was able to find the bad wiring and shoddy workmanship in the Paw Sensor Set-up with no trouble at all…Snort!

    Calmly!…He put on his disguise and approached the front door… snort! snort!… His Paw was up and ready to push the doorbell, when suddenly the door opened and out bounded Audrey with a big blue ball in her mouth!!…Whoa!… Wookie thought fast and pulled off the mustache! Snort!…He knew Audrey must be starving for companionship, so he played the Chase and Nip game with her!… and then the Roll and Tumble game!…and then the Lick and Sniff game!… wheeze!…after that she was hooked!…Gruff!… because no female in her right mind can resist Wookie!

    Then!…Spence whistled for Audrey to come in…”Twitter! Tweet! Tweet”….Wookie easily snuck in with her…Gruff!…she gave him a tour of the whole place and even showed him where she sleeps at Spencer’s feet while he is writing…awwww.

    So!…while Spence and Bernie were having a heated discussion on how to fix ‘The Colonel Bob’s So-called Son Fiasco’…Snort!… Wookie was able to plant the Mind Control Device that Siber-H created, right under Spencer’s laptop…Hooray!

    Snort!… after another round of the Lick and Sniff game, …Gruff!…and a promise to come back one day, Wookie escaped out the back door with Audrey’s help…Gruff!

    Wow!… so now guys, all we have to do is activate the Mind Control Device and Spencer will never be able to deny showing us chapters of Book 3 (name to be determined) Gruff!

    Good work everybody!!! ..Snort!… No, GREAT Work!

  15. AbbietheKitty
    12:23 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Wow!

    Commander Rio!

    We await the activation with anticipation. Alice admits to being totally flummoxed by your amazing talents. Besides which she wouldn't have enjoyed those games with Audrey at all.

    Speaking of the lick and sniff game, did you hear the one about the guy who goes into the bar, sits down next to a buxom lady and asks for a beer?

    The bartender slides the bear down the bar and it hits the boobs of the lady and spills a little on her. The bartender pushes the beer the rest of the way and then licks the spill up (off the lady). Strangely enough the lady doesn't complain.

    A little while later the guy orders another beer, and the same thing happens. The bartender again licks the lady clean, and again the lady doesn't complain.

    So, curious, the guy orders a third beer, Which again hits the lady on the boobs. This time the customer leans over to lick off the beer, but the lady hits him over the head with her gigantic purse.

    While recovering on the floor the customer asks "Why can he lick you but I can't?"

    The lady replies, "Because he has a liquor licence."

    That is all,

    AbbietheKitty

  16. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:05 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Alice!…The Jokes on You babe!…Snort!

  17. Jasper the Poodle
    1:50 pm on February 20th, 2010
  18. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:54 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Alice!… I wonder what your next move will be??… Snort!…Now that you know we have the Mind Control Device IN PLACE, …Grunt!… there is no way for you to prevent Spencer from posting Chapter One of Book 3….Snort!… You know you have been defeated!

    Alice!… where does a Beaten, Flummoxed, Skinny Super Spy Model, go when she knows she has been outwitted by the good guys?… Snort!… Dawson can’t hide you forever blondie…[snicker]

  19. Barb & Maggie
    1:57 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Rio, Are you all pumped up to watch the big guys and gals tonight? I get to watch before you do! MagPie

  20. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:32 pm on February 20th, 2010

    MagPie!… I am sooooooooo….wheeze!… waiting to see if Apolo Oh!No! WINS Gold tonight!… I think it will be an all time Gold medal record?

    Snort!… I have kept myself insulated today and have no idea what the outcome is(was?)…so please no Spoilers MagPie!… Also waiting for Von to be On!.. and Shani Davis!…

    Big!… the Bobsledding finally starts!.. nothing better after the Luge! For high speed and death defying thrills!….Snort! Snort!!!

  21. Mollypop
    2:32 pm on February 20th, 2010

    The big excitement in our house is the hockey tomorrow. Our Buffalo Sabres coach is assistant coaching the Canadians and Sidney Crosby is on their team. He's a Hockey God. But the USA team has our Ryan Miller in goal and Pat Kane who grew up here in Buffalo. Me and Mom love this stuff! Mom and her magical tooth screw – maybe that will bring good luck.

    MagPie – we get to watch this when you do. Hee hee.

  22. Barb & Maggie
    2:42 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Rio, Don't worry – my lips are sealed, well except when I have to open them for my chew strip. Mollypop, I sure wish I could help you with those fuzz-butts. We would have so much fun. Go Team USA! Mags

  23. Wookie of Chevy Chas
    3:08 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Commander: Good synopsis and very discreet. Thanks. Now that I am safely back, I thought you might want to check out the disguise. With the mustache and bow-tie (a bit harder to see) I was definitely incognito. Worked like a charm. PFCW

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1266714172-Disguise.jpg[/img]

  24. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:29 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Wookie!… You are terribly charming old Chap, and Oh So 007-ish!… do you like your Martinis Shaken or Stirred??…Gruff!

  25. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:32 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Whoa!… I just caught sight of Jasper!… Now that is one scary looking little dude!…wheeze!

  26. Mollypop
    4:03 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Wookster – great disguise. I would never have known if you hadn't said that was you!

  27. AbbietheKitty
    4:04 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Did you notice Jasper's amazing green eyes? He has the power just like Alice. I wonder whose side he is on? He did like the likker joke.

    You dogs better watch out.

    Off to watch the Olympics.

    Alice out

  28. Gus & BooBear
    4:07 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Goodness the outfits the bobsledders have to wear!!! BIG guys wearing little bitty suits!

  29. Rio - The Evil Pug
    4:11 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Snicker!… I can't stop laughing!… and thats not like me at all!…mmmmm…Alice, you go for it girl!…Snicker!…

    Bob Sledding is first off! … how cool and fast is that!..snort!

  30. Rio - The Evil Pug
    4:13 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Puss N' Boots!… I want to see someone shoot off the course and Rip their pants!….wheeeeze!

  31. Mollypop
    5:28 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Okay Alice – what have you done with our A-Kat?

  32. AbbietheKitty
    5:51 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Gosh I can’t slip a thing by you Mollypop. Abbie is napping and I took the opportunity to do a little posting. Didn’t you like my “likker” joke?
    heh heh heh
    Alice

  33. Rio - The Evil Pug
    6:44 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Whewww!…Apolo! will skate for GOLD later! …Please I pray, Creator of All Creatures Great and Small… please let Apolo Ohno win this…for some reason, its very important..!

  34. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:08 pm on February 20th, 2010

    Molly!… So the US and Canada are playing against each other tomorrow??…oooer!.. that will be good!…. Snort!

  35. Melanie
    9:19 pm on February 20th, 2010

    A question Commander Rio . . . did you remember to put new batteries in the mind control device??

    Wookie, the disguise is wonderful.

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