Our Pal Fritzie Bortz: From A Fistful Of Collars

“This baby can fly!” Bernie said.

Or something like that, his voice drowned out by a siren. Then a motorcycle came whizzing up beside us, blue lights flashing, and we pulled over. But no problem: it was Fritzie Bortz, an old pal. He got off the bike, not without some trouble—Fritzie was a terrible motorcycle driver with lots of crashes on his record—and came up to Bernie’s side.

“Hey!” he said. “Bernie!”

“Hi, Fritzie.”

“And Chet—lookin’ good, Chet.”

So nice to see Fritzie. My tail started wagging.

“How’re things?” Fritzie said.

“No complaints,” said Bernie.

“New wheels?”


“Cool. Love those martini glasses—wouldn’t have bothered pulling you over otherwise. I was actually on my way home—haven’t had a day off since last Tuesday.”

“No one’s ever said you’re not a hard worker.”

“Thanks, Bernie. I do what I can.” Then he took out his ticket book, flipped a page, reached behind his ear for a pen.

“Fritzie? What are you doing?”

“Writing you up,” Fritzie said. “Might even make my quota on this—I had you at one-oh-three.”

Welcome Lily.

And belated happy birthday to C. Hobbit.


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This entry was posted on Friday, September 28th, 2012 at 10:47 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

92 Responses to “Our Pal Fritzie Bortz: From A Fistful Of Collars”

  1. Siber-H
    10:48 am on September 28th, 2012

    Good Morning Everyone

    Ha Maybe I am the first.

  2. B.Stover
    10:57 am on September 28th, 2012

    I hate it when the post is something I’ve already read.

    Good morning all.

  3. Masquers
    11:01 am on September 28th, 2012

    Siber: You are. Your post is the first.

    B: You must admit, even though something we have already read, that was a good one.

  4. Barb & Maggie
    11:05 am on September 28th, 2012

    103! They were flying. Hadn’t Bernie just had a bourbon before that drive? Oh, Bernie!

  5. OleyHowlers
    11:19 am on September 28th, 2012

    Good morning everybody! Mom and Pop are home today!!!! It is the start of the Double Date!

    This morning, we played the Suzy Bogguss song from yesterday’s post, for Mom and Pop. As soon as Suzy started singing, Meashka joined in. Then when the yodeling started, Dima and Kat began to harmone. What a fun time that was. Mom and Pop loved it.

    Now we feel as though we have seen the Northern Lights. As to hawk on the wing, we have plenty of hawks on this here farm. And about the creek in the Great Divide…well, we have a creek that divides this here farm from our neighbors, so there’s that.

  6. OleyHowlers
    11:20 am on September 28th, 2012

    gah! harmonize that is.

  7. BearSpiritDog
    11:28 am on September 28th, 2012

    O.Howlers: A 3 Day Mini Vacation…what a Treat! Is today your mom and pop’s anniversary celebration? Or is the whole weekend just one big WooooHoooo?

    Barb&Magpie: I don’t remember the bourbon part but you could be right. It was a celebration of another sort for Chet and Bernie taking the new/old Porsche out for a spin.

  8. OleyHowlers
    11:34 am on September 28th, 2012

    Bear, Mom and Pop’s anniversary is the same day as Mom’s birthday. How’s that for dumb? They are both tomorrow, but because it is 2 celebrations, they will be celebrating all weekend long!
    And we are included in the weekend celebrations!
    WOOO HOOOO !!!

  9. Barb & Maggie
    11:34 am on September 28th, 2012

    Bear, Didn’t Bernie and Nixon share a toast or two when Nixon delivered the “new” Porsche?

  10. Barb & Maggie
    11:36 am on September 28th, 2012

    Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary to Oley’s mom and dad.

  11. OleyHowlers
    11:41 am on September 28th, 2012

    Thanks, Barb and Maggie…we will pass it along.

    Mom really likes the saying on that picture on the left (from Chet’s FB page). She says if having a dog makes a person rich, then living with 4 huskies must make her a tycoon!

  12. Buddy
    11:42 am on September 28th, 2012

    jeez. Howlers, the picture is on the RIGHT.

  13. BearSpiritDog
    11:42 am on September 28th, 2012

    Barb&Magpie: You are right…it’s all coming back to me…..

    O.Howlers: Same day for both? It is one sure way never to forget one’s anniversary (as if). Let the Howling begin.

    Melanie: I know YSAS debuts on the 4th but cannot remember the name of the show.

    Hmm…all these memory problems today…what’s that all about?

  14. Barb & Maggie
    11:46 am on September 28th, 2012

    We can’t remember either. Is it Boardwalk Empire?

  15. SnowBella
    11:56 am on September 28th, 2012

    I think YSAS is breathing life into the role of dead body in ashow called Elementary (or something like that). I think it is a modern day take on Sherlock.

  16. Tupper and Gilly
    11:58 am on September 28th, 2012

    Nope – its “Elementary”
    We caught it last night. Kind of quirky – we think it needs some development, but next week will be better – we hear the dead body is quite something.

  17. Tupper and Gilly
    11:59 am on September 28th, 2012

    Bella – you scooped us!

  18. SnowBella
    12:17 pm on September 28th, 2012

    T&G: You can have the next one.

    Jasper from the middle of the mitten is up top and looking good.

  19. SnowBella
    12:42 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Wose: It looks like, despite her best efforts, Belle Starr dozed off while keeping a look out for the 18 wheeler. I hope you’re feeling better today.

  20. Melanie
    12:55 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Wow, 130 comments. Umm, that is too much for me to read even at every other word. I hope I won’t miss anything important.

    B.Stover, but you don’t read anything you haven’t read either!

    The Royals and SnowBella are correct.

    Howlers! Tell your folks Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary from the Pack.

    Talked to the Social Worker today. Good talk.

  21. BearSpiritDog
    1:08 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thanks to SnowBella and the Royals for the info on Elementary. Although on the must see list we didn’t watch it last night because it was on way past our bedtime, but will catch it on replay. Johnny Lee Miller is always good. We liked him in Eli Stone.

    Belle Starr looks exhausted! Is that a tongue hanging out?

    Hi Melanie & Zoe. Thinking about you. Thank you for checking in with us.

  22. SnowBella
    1:43 pm on September 28th, 2012

    I am rushing to Tenzing to the vet. I will explain more later. Please keep him in your prayers.


  23. B.Stover
    1:54 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Melanie: What?? (Re-reading is what I always had to do to prepare for class–work!)

  24. BearSpiritDog
    2:03 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Say no more. Prayers going out to Tenzing as we speak.

  25. Siber-H
    2:04 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing is in our prayers, and we are worried.

  26. Melanie
    2:38 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thinking of the Great Tenzing.

    B.Stover, You always say you won’t read any of the excerpts from books that are not out yet.

    It’s raining,
    It’s pouring,
    The whole Pack is snoring.
    Went to bed and turned on their backs
    And now their tummies are showing.

  27. B.Stover
    2:48 pm on September 28th, 2012

    But reading (or not reading) excerpts of something not yet out is different than re-reading something already read. (Wow! Repeat that ten times fast.)

  28. SnowBella
    3:12 pm on September 28th, 2012

    I’m waiting in the waitin room at the vet right now. Tenzing is have some test including an X-ray. I rushed him to the vet this morning because he started bleeding copious amounts from his under carriage. The bleeding stopped as quickly as it started. Waiting, waiting, waiting…

  29. Siber-H
    3:41 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rebecca, We are with you and Tenzing.

  30. SnowBella
    3:45 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thanks, SiberH. AJ left early this morning for a work trip and I planned to work from home. I’m glad I was there today. I’m still waiting. They said it would be 25 minutes. That was 45 minutes ago. The last time I was at the vet was with Rory. AJ has been since, but not me.

  31. BearSpiritDog
    3:46 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rebecca: Ditto to what Siber-H said.

  32. OleyHowlers
    5:02 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Bella, praying for Tenzing. Please let us know.

    Mom just spoke to a vet about coming here on Thursday evening.

  33. Melanie
    5:12 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing! Tenzing! Tenzing!
    Glad you were home, Bella.

    It was hard just to read that one time B.Stover, much less say it 10 times.!

  34. BearSpiritDog
    5:12 pm on September 28th, 2012

    O.Howlers: I don’t have a good feeling about this…..

  35. OleyHowlers
    5:30 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Neither do we Bear.
    Patsy up top.

  36. Rose
    5:37 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Oh, Rebecca, please now that strong, loving prayers come to you and Tenzing from here in Westchester.

  37. Siber-H
    5:37 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Fellow Sibers, I know your folks will do what is best, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

  38. OleyHowlers
    5:41 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Siber, Mom says to tell you she has no idea what is best. She (Mom) is fairly despondent just now.

  39. c.hobbit
    5:58 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thinking of Rebecca, Tenzing and Oley Howlers and Terry and Wolfie. Hard to believe all the hard times we are going through.

  40. Staff
    6:02 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Prayers coming from here also. Tenzig we care.

  41. Siber-H
    6:05 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Fellow Sibers, Whatever the decision is, there is no one more qualified to make that decision than the one who loves the strongest and deepest, and that is a mom.
    Mom understands that your mom is despondent. It is so hard when you have had them for so long and they have been a part of your life all that time. Mom had her dingo for 17 1/2 years, but she is thankful for all that time together.

  42. OleyHowlers
    6:09 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thank you, Siber and your mom.

  43. SnowBella
    6:17 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Prayers were answered. Tenzing and I returned home from the vet a few minutes ago. It wasn’t the worst scenario as I feared when I saw all the blood; I thought his disease decided to wage a war for my bud and I was scared. It wasn’t the best scenario either; he had bone schards in his intestine from a bone he had yesterday. My bud has a couple of very painful times behind the bushes in his near future, but he should be okay. Thank you for the prayers. I am going to keep him under the quilt for a while, but I think I can come out from under it now and make room for someone else—Howlers’ mom, my spot is for the taking and I got the pillows just so.

  44. B.Stover
    6:20 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rebecca: Please give Tenzig scratches behind his ears for me.

  45. Rose
    6:25 pm on September 28th, 2012

    OHs, please know that I am praying for Sasha, your mom, and the rest of you guys.

  46. Tenzing
    6:29 pm on September 28th, 2012

    My Lady loves, of that I have no doubt. She was so worried about me this morning when she loaded me into the truck and drove to the vet. I didn’t feel my tip-top self—the self that comforts her and clowns when she’s upset—but I did rest my head on her lap. She has a great lap. I know she was panicked and a bit angry thiniking our time was getting cut short. I have a nasty disease, if she hasn’t mentioned it before. I know she was thinking of the last time she raced to the vet with Rory. Rory didn’t come home. I snuggled my head deeper against my Lady’s lap to let her know I understood. She stroked my ear as she drove and prayed.

    I like the vet just fine. I don’t like the thermometer. My Lady showed the vet pictures of all my blood and the vet was worried, too. She said there was a best case scenario, but she doubted it was a best case situation so she wanted to do some tests including an x-ray. I didn’t mind staying still for the xray. Long story corgi, the vet says I will be fine. My Lady gave me a feeling-good-in-no-time pill to help with the hurting and I’m not bleeding anymore.

    Thanks for the prayers. I know my mom needed you today and both of us said a prayer of thanks for the Plunderers. I think the feeling-good-in-no-time pill is kicking unless we have a pet giraffe no one told me about.

  47. Rose
    6:31 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing, I am so very relieved to hear that your prognosis is not as severe as it might have been. You make yourself nice and comfy under the quilt.

  48. Rose
    6:35 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Bear, I think you are right about Bellie Button’s picture….I think a see a sparkly, pink tongue in that mouth.

  49. Rose
    6:45 pm on September 28th, 2012

    The smoochiest of Smoochers is up top….the lovely redhead Kat!!!

  50. BearSpiritDog
    6:47 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing: Tail wags for prayers answered. That is very good news! What kind of a bone caused this scary situation…does the vet or your Lady know?

  51. Tenzing
    6:49 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Bear: I ate the evidence.

  52. Staff
    7:02 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzig, You don’t know about the pet Giraffe?

  53. B.Stover
    7:05 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Thanks for posting Tenzig.

    Now, how is Sasha doing?

  54. Tenzing
    7:09 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Staff: You mean to tell me you did?

  55. BearSpiritDog
    7:09 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing: Sounds like something Siber-H would do. lol.

  56. Siber-H
    7:14 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing, That was scary! We are very glad you will be okay and are on the road to recovery now. Prayers were answered.

    Mom says to tell you that eating a bone was stupid, but she knows dogs will be dogs. She also says to tell you that you may have eaten the evidence, but the evidence will be coming out the other end.

  57. Siber-H
    7:20 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Bear, Believe me, I would if I could. For years and years, mom hasn’t let her dogs have bones because they are dangerous. Have I mentioned before that I may have the most no fun mom in the world.

  58. Tenzing
    7:23 pm on September 28th, 2012

    BSD: Where do you think I got te idea.

    Siber-H: I may have questionable judgement, but what I want to know is who spring for te giraffe’s dancing lessons or is this God given talent?

  59. Melanie
    7:27 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing, Ellie says she understands. She ended up having to an operation to get a spoon out of her tummy.

    Dear Sasha, sigh . .

    Time for bed again.

  60. SnowBella
    7:42 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing is resting comfortably with that half sleepy, half staring look.

    Rio? Tap, tap, tap. Is this thing on?

  61. Siber-H
    7:59 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing, I know nothing about a giraffe, but don’t believe everything they tell you.

  62. SnowBella
    8:09 pm on September 28th, 2012

    I hope Wolfie and Terrg are doing well.

  63. Tenzing
    8:20 pm on September 28th, 2012

    SiberH: My Lady feels so bad. She keeps muttering things like, “We got lucky,” “could have been worse,” “no bones about it.” She giggled after that last one.

    Now, I remember. Rio’s Friend was going to go for beer after work. I hope she has a good time.

  64. BearSpiritDog
    8:56 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Time to see what’s for supper!
    I may or may not be back on the blog.
    If not – enjoy your evenings all – Bear

  65. Riö - The Evil Pug
    9:01 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Beer!…..Did my friend remember to bring beer home? ….Yes!…I’m gonna beg for my fair share, you betcha!…grunt!wheeze!

  66. Riö - The Evil Pug
    9:01 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Recap!…Does anyone want to give me a recap on what happened today?…sniff!

  67. Tenzing
    9:08 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rio: I’ll give you a recap as I remember things. Belle Starr fell asleep watching for Wose’s ride to work in a big rig, Professor B likes or doesn’t like reading—I’m not sure which, the Howlers are blowing out candles on top of their wedding cake, it was verified that YSAS is the star of two television shows, somehow I ended up at the vet with my Lady fearing the worst, but I’m feeling good now thanks to my feeling-good-in-no-time pills my Lady gave me, we got a pet giraffe that knows how to dance, and the quilt is tucked around Sasha and her mama. Oh, and you got beer!

  68. OleyHowlers
    9:25 pm on September 28th, 2012

    They are back home. They went out to dinner, which was Part 1 of their double date, as if nothing more is on their mind. Imagine that! (Wait, what more is on their mind now?)

    Tenzing, whew! Thank Dog you are o.k., or will be once you get rid of the culprit one way or the other. Poor Rebecca…you had quite the scare! We are glad Plunderers prayers came thru yet again.

    Mom is contemplating a drive to our regular v-e-t tomorrow.

  69. bluecat
    9:26 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Warm thoughts with all under the quilt and those holding it close.

    To quote Macy – nighters.

  70. Riö - The Evil Pug
    9:41 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Tenzing!…Thanks for the recap…snort!…Glad everything came out okay today, or has it yet?…heh!…Rose is doing better, thats a good thing. Everyone else is hanging in there by their toenails…wheeze!

    Pudding! ….I never did get any pudding last night, whats up with that?…sniff!…We are watching “Revolution” the pilot. That bad-ass from Breaking Bad is in it just like Maskers said. Guess what he is?…Yup!…Another bad-ass….snort!

  71. Riö - The Evil Pug
    9:43 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Grump!…My friend just told me she has to go to the busy-screwed place tomorrow, again!…grump!spit!….Boy, this crap is getting old real quick…huffle!

  72. SnowBella
    10:00 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rio: I remembered your friend has to work tomorrow, but I didn’t want to remind you.

  73. OleyHowlers
    10:03 pm on September 28th, 2012

    We here are off to bed. It has been a roller coaster-sort of day. Thanks to all of youse for your wise words of comfort. We are feeling more and more secure in our decision-making, thanks to the quilt and the love of our Plunderer friends.

  74. Riö - The Evil Pug
    10:05 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Howlers!…We here love youse guys, so take care and get some sleep….snorkel!

  75. Barb & Maggie
    10:06 pm on September 28th, 2012

    We have been gone all afternoon, so just checking in to say good night. Rio, sorry your friend has to go to that awful place tomorrow.

    Oleys, We are happy that the rents had a good evening.

    Off to bed now.

  76. Staff
    10:36 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Going to bed soon here also. Night all. Except Liz. G’day Liz.

    Stay safe under the quilt y’all.

  77. Riö - The Evil Pug
    10:41 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Revolution!….This show is pretty darned good!…snort!…Finally something new to watch when we have time to chill-out!…burp!

  78. Riö - The Evil Pug
    10:54 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Gah!…That show is so good we missed some of the Rockies game….grunt!…3rd Inning right now…wheeze!

  79. Natasha the Nefarious Borzoi
    11:06 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rio – other thing you missed is that Siber now realizes how empty his life is vithout his sveet Natasha. He has sent secret message asking about date for some kind of Big Event he is planning.
    And he vanted know if Kat vas grown up enough for not eating the flowers.

  80. Terry Ballard
    11:07 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Hi all. I’m in the Valley now. Turns out that my dad died while I was flying west over Indiana. I’m doing my best to make things better for mom and the other family members. Dad was 91 and declining for years, so we had lots of time to prepare for this day. Thanks to those of you who prayed for Dad, but he’s in a better place now.

  81. Riö - The Evil Pug
    11:15 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Awwww!…Terry. Thanks for letting us all know. You are right, your dad is in a better place. Glad you are with your family right now.

  82. Siber-H
    11:16 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Terry, You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We are sorry about the loss of your dad.

  83. Riö - The Evil Pug
    11:22 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Threes!…Someone said bad stuff comes in threes, but we are up to 5 now, right?….snort!…Maybe this is a double duty thing hitting the blog. Which means there is one more awful thing lurking out there waiting to happen. Unless I have counted on my toes wrong….sniff!…I did not count Tenzing, as he will be okay. I counted Melanie, CHobbit, Terry, Wolfie, and Howlers….wuffle!

  84. Siber-H
    11:23 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rio, This baseball game is not looking good.

    Natasha must be hitting the vodka pretty hard tonight.

    We are going to sleep. Night All

    Fellow Sibers, Thinking comforting thoughts for you and your family.

  85. Siber-H
    11:26 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Rio, I come up with the same count you do. I do not like this.

  86. Riö - The Evil Pug
    11:28 pm on September 28th, 2012

    OMDawg!…Look at the time…grump!…My friend said she wanted to get up really early tomorrow so that MAYBE she could come home around 2:00 and have a sort-of-Saturday…sniff!…These late games mess us all up sometimes. We will have to listen to the rest on the radio upstairs in our beds…snort!…Someone washed my blankets today and I am not happy about that!…grump!…Beau doesn’t seem to care, but I do dammit!….growl!….Goodnight all.

  87. SnowBella
    11:30 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Terry: I am sorry to hear if your father’s passing. Prepared or not, I can’t imagine that it is easy. I pray for your family’s peace and comfort.

    Rio: I’m not very good at math, but I think your calculation is correct.

  88. SnowBella
    11:41 pm on September 28th, 2012

    Good night, all. After a long day I am in town soon laundry impacted by Tenzing’s health today and plan to go to bed as soon as possible. Tenzing and I will sleep on AJs side of the bed like we always do when he is away.

  89. c.hobbit
    12:38 am on September 29th, 2012

    Terry, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. A long life now over.

  90. Macy the Min-Pin
    12:41 am on September 29th, 2012

    Warm hugs and dainty licks to Terry.

    Loving nose bumps to Sasha and her family.

    Niters y’all .

  91. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    1:09 am on September 29th, 2012

    Mary here, on a bus near the Rose Bowl. Mom is still on a breathing tube and is deeply sedated. My sister Sue is picking me up at 10:25 and we’ll go straight to the hospital. Mom is 83 and we’ve been through this before, but we’ll see….

    Terry, I am sorry to hear about your dad. It is never easy.

    I am so glad that Tenzing is okay. My heart goes out to the Howlrrs.

  92. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    1:13 am on September 29th, 2012

    Tensing forgot to mention the wedding!

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