On Golden Pond

“The kind of deal,” Portia said, “where I walk away.”

“Sounds good,” Bernie said. “In theory.”

“What the hell does that mean?” said Portia.

I was kind of with her on that. Plus at that moment my mind was wandering back to the time I got nipped by a duck. We’d been working on a divorce case – we hate divorce work, me and Bernie, but our finances were a mess back then, and still are. Those Hawaiian pants … Anyway, we were out at a ranch where they had a nice little pond. I love swimming! And it was a hot day, so I jumped in for a quick dip. After a while I realized I didn’t have the pond to myself. There was this duck drifting around. A duck is a kind of bird and I don’t like birds much, but ducks like swimming and so do I, so I swam over just to … I don’t know, give the duck a friendly little bump or something. But I never got the chance because all of a sudden the duck squawked, started flapping its wings and paddling hard with its weird feet, and then zoomed right at me, opened its mouth wide – no teeth, what’s with that? – and nipped me right on the nose. More like a bite, really, even with no teeth. I’ve got teeth, big and sharp, but the next thing I knew I was swimming backward, real fast, the only backward swimming I’ve ever done.

But where were we?

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This entry was posted on Friday, August 28th, 2009 at 7:49 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

6 Responses to “On Golden Pond”

  1. B. Stover
    3:17 am on August 28th, 2009

    Thank you Chet! I'll be laughing out loud about this all day.

  2. Diane
    3:45 am on August 28th, 2009

    Me too B. Stover…. Just the thought of Chet swimming over to the duck to give it a friendly bump or something made me laugh out loud.. and I'm at work!

  3. Ivy
    9:37 am on August 28th, 2009

    Ditto with B. Stover and Diane. I'm at work also and when you are in your cube, supposedly busy as a bee, and someone walks by just as you are grinning at your laptop…well…BUSTED!

    Chet and Bernie rule! Admin rules, too.

    …ivy

  4. Ivy
    2:08 pm on August 28th, 2009

    Me, again.

    Hey Chet, what about those Hawaiian pants? What's up with those?

    …ivy

  5. C. Harris
    2:23 pm on August 28th, 2009

    I have an 18-year old cat that has had to over the years train 3 clueless dogs not to rush at her playfully barking and bumping her in an attempt to make her a playmate. The dogs would be in obvious (to them) play posture treating the cat as an honorary puppy. It would usually take a month of scratched noses before they were trained to slow down and be calm around the cat.

    So I can understand Chet's attempt to engage the duck and the surprise and befuddlement at the outcome.

  6. Rebecca Rice
    5:59 pm on August 28th, 2009

    Zoie has been trying to play with all three of our cats lately. They stare in befuddlement tinged with disgust as she prances and bows and tries with every ounce of energy and enthusiasm to get them to be friends. After she sniffs their rear ends, she even turns around, butt first, and backs quickly toward them to offer them the same pleasure. But do they appreciate her manners in allowing them a reciprocal sniff? No!

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