Goldman Sachs: Perp?

It’s a beautiful morning. The guys – Bernie, Spence, Admin – are sitting in the sun, talking about some dude name of Goldman Sachs. I’m watching the water flow from the mouth of Leda’s stone swan on the patio – a lovely sight in the sunshine.

“Could we have bought some of these credit default swaps?” Bernie says.

Admin shakes his head. “This isn’t like Hawaiian pants, Bernie.”

“Be nice,” says Spence. “Just give us your little lecture.”

Admin sends a quick unfriendly look his way. “All right,” he says. “Suppose you created some bonds, based on the future value of anything – chew strips, let’s say.”

Suddenly Admin has my full attention.

“Some of these chew strips are top quality – like the kind from Rover and Co. Others – not so good. They’re piled up in a tower, best ones at the top.”

A tower of chew strips: one of the most interesting things I’ve heard in a long time.

“But who wants the crummy ones?” Admin was saying. “So you pile those in another tower, with the best of the worst at the top. Then you go to the chew strip rating agency and say – see these at the top of the new tower? They’re at the top, right? So the chew strip rating agency gives them the same grade as the ones from Rover and Co., even though they’re crap and will never sell. So then you sell the bonds – just a promise to pay when the chew strips sell – to big investors all over the world. Meanwhile, there’s also an insurance you can sell in case the bonds go bust, but you’ve got to be a Wall Street player to buy it. This insurance is called a credit default swap. You don’t even have to buy the towers to get it. You can just buy the insurance, betting that the towers will crash. And guess what – Goldman, knowing because they created them that a lot of these bonds were crap – bought lots of credit default swaps, betting against the bonds they were happily peddling out the other door.”

“So who’s going to jail?” Bernie says.

Not that Goldman dude, I hope. Anyone building towers of chew strips can’t be all bad. Also – how would you get a job at the chew strip rating agency?


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This entry was posted on Saturday, April 17th, 2010 at 10:28 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

75 Responses to “Goldman Sachs: Perp?”

  1. B. Stover
    6:06 am on April 17th, 2010

    Sorry Chet, but I wish that all of them would end up in jail. (I'm wishing this at the same time that I'm laughing at today's post.) Admin, Spence and Bernie should each buy you a stack of chew strips so that you can be your own chew strip rating agent.

  2. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    6:44 am on April 17th, 2010

    I agree with Stover. And as tasty as chew strips are, too many of them would mean a quick trip to the vet. Better to send all those money crooks to jail and talk Bernie into buying you a bag of Chicken Jerky strips.

  3. Lexi
    6:52 am on April 17th, 2010

    Admin is confusing me, big time. Is he saying there is a tower of chew strips? If so, where is it? I'm so going there.

  4. Gus & BooBear
    8:12 am on April 17th, 2010

    Whoa! Economics 101….way over our heads but agree that those crooks should have to pay up. Unless, of course, it could help Bernie get rid of the Hawaiaan pants?

  5. Môllypôp
    8:13 am on April 17th, 2010

    But we can't let chew strips go to waste, even if they aren't the best. Let's go Lexi.

  6. Siberian Husky
    8:15 am on April 17th, 2010

    Thanks Chet! Now I understand the news about Goldman Sachs. Chew strips got my attention. I admit that I don't pay much attention when the media talks or writes about Goldman Sachs. It is becoming an old, disgusting story. Throw all the crooked bums in jail and feed them only rotten chew strips.

    I'm going with Lexi to look for the tower of chew strips. We'll find it and share with Chet and all of you. Rio may not feel up to a chew strip until tomorrow, hee hee

  7. Siberian Husky
    8:17 am on April 17th, 2010

    cool Molly is going with us.

  8. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:17 am on April 17th, 2010

    Snakes!… We just caught a little bit of this on the way to the party yesterday… crooks!… Admin’s explanation is a lot clearer than what we heard on the radio… greedy bastards!… A whole bunch of people better go to jail – and not to one of the resort types….snort!… The one where their —es will get stretched the size of a baseball …GROWL!

    Snarl!… Can this day get any worse?…snort!… I ask, can it?…. grump!… Got rolled out of bed at 7:00am this morning….wheeze!… Two of my friends older relatives are both climbing the wibbly wobbly ladder at the same time… gasp!…. and its just about to crash down…sob!… Its taking a toll on everyone…snort!

  9. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:21 am on April 17th, 2010

    Sorry!… for my inappropriate outburst, especially since Lexi is here… snort!… I will calm down in a little bit – we just got home… snuffle… I just need something to eat…grunt!

  10. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:56 am on April 17th, 2010

    Ahhh!… nothing like a little left-over birthday cake to ease the Growling….snort!… On a lighter note, we were able to stop and pick up three more of Mr. Abrahams books… gruff! … Now we need to find time to enjoy them … sigh.

  11. B. Stover
    9:04 am on April 17th, 2010

    Which three books Rio?

  12. Rio - The Evil Pug
    9:49 am on April 17th, 2010

    Hi Stover!… Lets see, we found “The Fan”. It’s about baseball! … snort!… and it is a movie we have not seen!… grunt!.. “Crying Wolf”, this one starts out in our state….wheeze!… and last but not least, “Lights Out”, which ironically is set inside a prison….heh!

  13. Jasper the Poodle
    9:50 am on April 17th, 2010
  14. AbbietheKitty
    9:53 am on April 17th, 2010

    ~That Goldman Sachs sounds like a perp to me. Let's sic Chet onto him if we can't get justice any other way. grrrrr

    ~PS Rio, How about them Twins? Didja see the rating put out last week? Twins in the top five…heh heh heh.. Rockies? Nowhere!

    Alice Johnson

  15. Rio - The Evil Pug
    10:09 am on April 17th, 2010

    The Rocks!… have come from behind before Alice!… snort!… I’m not worried about them yet…. Grunt!… I do have to agree that the Twins and the Rays are on fire….daggum!

  16. Melanie
    10:25 am on April 17th, 2010

    Whew, just got back from visiting my dad. He's doing better, but they are keeping a good watch on him.

    Admin: that was a great description of the foul plot. One would think that you write novels. But would have any publisher actually thought this possible before it actually happened?

    The Pack wants to know about the dog chewies. They are "into" dog chewies. Though they also like marrow bones. But the GREATEST treat are the smoked bones that are around 12 inches long from the butcher.

    So The Pack wanted everyone to know that the van is ready. I can't leave right now, so someone else will have to drive. I bet you guys could really "Pack" the van.

    Of course, you first need intel on where those towers are . . .

  17. Tweets that mention Chet The Dog : Goldman Sachs: Perp? --
    11:32 am on April 17th, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by ChetTheDog. ChetTheDog said: Goldman Sachs: Perp?: It’s a beautiful morning. The guys – Bernie, Spence, Admin – are sitting in the sun, talking… […]

  18. Rio - The Evil Pug
    10:43 am on April 17th, 2010

    Admin!… did teach Spence everything he knows about writing, remember? … heh!

  19. B. Stover
    11:04 am on April 17th, 2010

    Just finished Behind the Curtain. I enjoyed it and will start Into the Dark next. The new Doctor Who starts tonight and Steve Moffat wrote the episode. (He was one of the writers of Coupling.)

  20. Rio - The Evil Pug
    11:42 am on April 17th, 2010

    Hmmm… I always wonder if authors like Spence and the charming Mr.A brahams even watch television…. Snort!… I wonder how they rate the writing overall … grunt!… I know I have a few shows that I watch because I do think the writing is amazing, like for instance the show called “Breaking Bad”….snuff!… No one I know watches that show! … wheeze!

  21. Lexi
    11:46 am on April 17th, 2010

    Hey, guys. Who's with me to find the tower of chew strips? We may have to hit the park beforehand, though…

  22. B. Stover
    11:47 am on April 17th, 2010

    I can get Breaking Bad on On Demand but I didn't start at the beginning and I don't know if I'd understand it jumping in now. What season is it in?

    I think authors have to be on top of things and tv watching would be necessary.

  23. B. Stover
    11:49 am on April 17th, 2010

    The tower of chew strips is a myth…..Sounds like the first sentence of something.

  24. Rio - The Evil Pug
    12:18 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Breaking Bad!… is on its third season….snort!… That’s a lot to catch up on in this show… snort!… Do you have Netflix?… wheeze!… I wonder if one could get it that way?

    Stover!… By keeping on top of things, what do you mean?… grunt!… I would imagine author types read a lot and keep on top of things through the newspaper or just news on TV maybe….wheeze!… It’s hard to say not knowing an author and his habits first hand…cough!

  25. Siberian Husky
    12:43 pm on April 17th, 2010

    no, no, no, Stover. The tower of chew strips is not a myth. We are going and I'm driving. Melanie has the van ready. I think we will need to head north.

  26. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:03 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Hey!… I didn’t know Siber-H could drive!… wow!… Let me know how this all goes down, okay?…snort!… By this I mean someone else has to write it up… heh!

  27. B. Stover
    1:08 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wishful thinking, SH, but drive carefully.

    Rio: By keeping on top of things I mean knowing pop culture. I don't think that can be done only by reading or tv news. Of course, it depends what they're writing.

  28. Sam
    1:18 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Great – pick up Môllypôp and me as you're passing through.

  29. Siberian Husky
    1:40 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Will do, Sam. I have news for you, Rio. I'm stopping to pick you up also. You are on our way north. I'm the driver, but we need your brains and writing skills.

    We will even share some of the chew strips with Stover.

  30. Melanie
    1:45 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Siber-H, the van is at your disposal. Well, not really at disposal, we want it back.

    Just tell me where you want the Pack to meet you.

  31. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:52 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wha!?… Have you guys been smokin’ legalized weed or something?… snort!… I am not going…wheeze!… I do not “Go”….snort!… I’m afraid you will all find the Tower of Chew Strips to be a fabrication on the part of Admin…snort!… if you all would read more carefully…sigh.

  32. Rio - The Evil Pug
    1:54 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Hmmmphf!… Has Alice been sneaking around hypnotizing you guys!??… snort!… this is very strange behavior from my team….mmmm..

  33. Siberian Husky
    2:09 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Thanks Melanie. I promise we will return the van in good condition. I'm a good driver. We can just swing by and pick up the pack after I pick up Rio. Molly and Sam are also somewhere in the Northeast. I don't know where Lexi is, but we'll find her. We can take our time on this trip and enjoy the springtime scenery. The tower of chew strips isn't going anywhere.

  34. B. Stover
    2:27 pm on April 17th, 2010

    SH: Your route sounds very circuitous.

  35. Wookie of Chevy Chas
    2:28 pm on April 17th, 2010

    SiberH. Don't forget me; I'm in the Northeast too and am quite familiar with the van from the last adventure. Also, as you can see from my picture below, I am ready for everything. It's gotten quite hot here over the last couple of days (it was 85 yesterday) and with my double fur coat, a guy can easily get overheated. That's why my mom got me my very own swamp vest. It's great on a hot summer day (or a hot spring day like yesterday). My mom soaks it in water before putting it on (the fabric is something like what they make spacesuits out of, very absorbent but quite light) and it really keeps me cool even on the hottest day. In any event, Agent Wookie is ready for action now. Gonna grap that Goldman Sachs dude by the leg until he tells us where he's stashed the chew strips.

    [img ][/img]

  36. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:41 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Ohhh!… I am on the floor laughing!… snort!… and I never laugh… oh… whew!… HA!… Swamp Vest Space Suit!…HA!…doubling over now… wheeze!

  37. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:45 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Ho!… You guys keep going!… cough!… I want to hear all about this!… snort!… You are cheering me up to no end right now!… wheeze!… Goldman Sachs has no chance against you guys!… wooooo!

  38. Melanie
    2:50 pm on April 17th, 2010

    00Wookie, your swamp vest is great. Don't listen to Riö, I wonder if it comes in black. Maybe if we put it on Bess, Riö might like it.

    Siber-H, you might want to pick up Alice, she might be able to gaze into Riö's eyes . . . then he'll just climb into the van.

  39. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:52 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Rockies! … are playing right now but I will check in with your progress!… snort!… this is all up to you guys!… wheeze!… Just go for it!… heh!… bring me back something, a token of the trip!… gruff!

  40. Siberian Husky
    2:57 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Yippie!!! Wookie is going with us! It won't even be out of our way to pick him up. Wookie and I can trade off on the driving.

    My mom has wondered about those cooling wraps. She might get me one since you are recommending it. I'm afraid it would get me wet. That could be the stuff of nightmares, but I have to say, that color would go good with my eyes. Wookie always looks debonair.

  41. Sam
    3:02 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wookie – Your family loves you very, very much!

  42. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:23 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wow!… The Braves pitcher, almost got stabbed to death by the splintered bat after Brad Hawpe hit the ball…snort!… Hawpe is one of my favorites!… heh!… Hawpe made it home!..yoooo!

    Where!…in the world are you guys now!?… snort!… updates!.. updates!…

  43. Gus and BooBear
    3:24 pm on April 17th, 2010

    We're glad Wookie's mom figured out how to upload pics! It's neat seeing him in his many disguises. You guys be careful…we don't think chew strips are worth all the trouble. Now catnip would be another story!

  44. Gus and BooBear
    3:26 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Or was it Wojo's mom who had trouble uploading pics?

  45. Siberian Husky
    3:30 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Stover: About my route being circuitous–my mom says I have ADD.

    Melanie: I won't need Alice. I'm a lot bigger than Rio. He's going. He is just in denial right now. What would a mission be without Rio. Oh Rio, Bess is going.

  46. Siberian Husky
    3:33 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Gus and BooBear: It was my mom, sigh.

  47. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:44 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Snort!… this I gotta see, smell and hear!… grunt!… No One Takes Me Out of My Chair when the Rockies are playing!… wheeze!… Especially after the day I have had AND the Rockies are winning!… gasp!

    Bess!… would rather watch TV with me!…drop her off!…heh!

  48. B. Stover
    3:47 pm on April 17th, 2010

    "And, like the baseless fabric of this vision/The cloud-capped towers…shall dissolve…[They] are such stuff/As dreams are made on……" I thought a bit of Shakespeare would help.

  49. wookie of chevy chas
    3:47 pm on April 17th, 2010

    SiberH — you really don't get wet with the vest. The water in the vest evaporates, which keeps you cool, but not wet. Just tell your mom not to get the vest too wet at the beginning and all will be fine. I got mine last year and I just love it. Wookie

  50. Melanie
    3:48 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Riö, Bess is a working dog. She only watches TV AFTER the mission!

  51. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:50 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Oh my!… Puss N' Boots have major memory problems too!…snort!… This is starting to look like an epidemic!…golly!… I hope its not a pandemic across the blog!… yikes!… Spencer must be contagious… crap!

  52. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:57 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Curious!… Are you guys all geared up!… snort!… Have you got enough supplies to make it there and back again?….grunt!… Ready for emergencies that may happen?… wheeze!… Has Molly finished her CPR training yet?… snuff!… All these things are important!… SiberH, its all on you dude!…snuff!… Be careful!… Rocks are on!.. good luck!…keep me posted!… wheeze!….BEER HERE!…

  53. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:58 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Bess is a Babe!…snort!

  54. Siberian Husky
    4:23 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Thanks Wookie. I'm willing to try it. It can get so hot here, but as they say "it is a dry heat". The vest should work pretty good in this climate.

    Stover: A guy that only reads Robert Service poems can't

    relate much to Shakespeare. Just kidding. I only want to hear you holler. I think you must be a very good teacher.

  55. Siberian Husky
    4:30 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Yes, Rio I'm your typical outdoorsey type of guy, but I can't go anywhere right now because I'm folowing the Rockies game.

  56. Rio - The Evil Pug
    4:50 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wow!… A FIRST “No Hitter” by our young pitcher, Ubaldo Jimenez!…. ahhhhhh!… I hope I spelled his name right!… AHHHHHHH!…. a first for our team!… WOOO!,,, cough! cough!…I’m skipping, I’m skipping!!… snort! snort!

  57. Siberian Husky
    5:00 pm on April 17th, 2010

    What a great game and what great pitching!!! Congratulations to Jimenez and the Rockies!!

  58. AbbietheKitty
    5:04 pm on April 17th, 2010


    I hope you are ready to get in the van. I think the tallest tower of chew strips is over our way. Get ready to Rock and Roll

    Alice Johnson

    [img ] eyes.jpg[/img]

  59. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    5:10 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Alice….take me to your leader. I have been zombified! The power of that gaze…..whoa…..

  60. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:11 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Snort!… I’m so freakin’ happy for that guy and his/my team I can’t believe it!… I was watching and not really believing it… wheeze!… and then suddenly it dawned on me…gulp! and oh my gosh!… I was watching a No Hitter!…gruff!… First time in Rockies History!… I just saw history being made!… gasp! … The amazing catch by Dexter Fowler … oh…. My heart!

    This has from start to end a day to remember… wow!

  61. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:14 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Alice!… I am Rockin' with the Rocks!… whooooo..eeeee! yipppee. Take that Wolfie butt guy with you!… heh!

  62. Siberian Husky
    5:26 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wolfie, we would have room for you, but we would just have to bring the chew strips back to the gang at Best Friends. That would be a good excuse anyway to visit such a beautiful part of the country. Hope your family has a good trip and please report back to us how it went. We watch Dogtown on tv and have read the new book about Dogtown.

  63. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:31 pm on April 17th, 2010

    But!… do you remember it?…. heh!

    Wolfie!… I hope you know I am just joshing you!… snort!… I wouldn’t wish the likes of Alice on any of our guys!… SNAP OUT OF IT!…wheeze!

  64. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:34 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wolfie!… you can't go to the dark side…snort!… if you do, all is lost….woof!..wake up pal!

  65. Siberian Husky
    5:37 pm on April 17th, 2010

    I agree, Rio. I'm very happy for Jimeniz and the Rockies. That was some tense ball game toward the end when all paws were crossed for the no-hitter. I didn't know I could hold my breath for that long.

    Goodnight everyone! I need my sleep since I have a lot of driving to do tomorrow.

  66. Siberian Husky
    5:43 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Wolfie will be fine. I'll say this once again. Alice is a cat, Wolfie is a dog. Just get in touch with your inner canine, Wolfie, and you will be ok.

  67. Sam
    5:45 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Mom says she watched Don Larson's no-hitter in the World Series way back when. She said it was very boring.

  68. Siberian Husky
    5:48 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Rio, yes, I remember the book Dogtown. lol For some strange reason, I can remember nonfiction better than fiction.

  69. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:48 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Warning!…you are teetering very closely to the edge of non-involvement Sam-I-Am…snicker!

  70. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:51 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Well!… SiberH I can’t even argue that one…snort!… Non-Fiction has to be forced upon me….gulp!

  71. Rio - The Evil Pug
    6:00 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Exhausted!… Going to my warm soft bed now… snuff!… A very good night to you all!…sniff …Thanks so much for cheering me up today, I really needed it…yawn!.. You guys and the Rockies! What more can a guy ask for!…GRUFF!

  72. Sam
    6:04 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Look Rio – Mom Is old. I'm only 2 years old. No no-hitters here. I'm more interested in that tower of chew strips!

  73. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    7:40 pm on April 17th, 2010



    where am i??

    who am i???

    all i remember is a big pair of cat's eyes staring into my soul.

    but i am a good leaper….i think i am safe now

    i will tell the gang at best friends to expect a couple of towers of chew strips…..

    oh oh alice johnson stole my ability to make small letters big…

    help me, guys

  74. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    10:09 pm on April 17th, 2010

    Hey guys, would you have room for 2,001 more agents? Mom, Dad and the boys are going to Best Friends tomorrow and if you wanted to, you could pick all of them up in Utah and then swing by in California. Chew treats are not my favorite, but I will never turn one down!

    Of course, it might get a little crowded…..

  75. Michelle
    11:26 am on April 19th, 2010

    Wolfie!… you can't go to the dark side…snort!… if you do, all is lost….woof!..wake up pal!

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