Fritzie Bortz (More)

I believe last week we promised more of Fritzie Bortz, a recurring character in the Chet and Bernie series (who may surprise you in the next novel, Bark to the Future, coming in August). Here’s Fritzie meeting old Mr. Parsons in the hospital in the e-short story The Iggy Chronicles, Volume 1:

“Our friend Daniel Parsons,” Bernie said. “Fritzie Bortz, highway patrol, motorcycle division.”

Mr. Parsons and Fritzie shook hands. “Hurt in the line of duty?” Mr. Parsons said, nodding in the direction of Fritzie’s walking boot.

Fritzie nodded. “Gotta keep the nation’s highways safe,” he said. “Lifeblood of the economy.”

“What happened?” Bernie said.

“Skidded on a greasy fast-food wrapper,” Fritzie said. “Lost control momentarily.” Easy to believe: Fritzie was a terrible biker, had caused many accidents.

“In the parking lot at Burger Heaven?” Bernie said.

“Just exiting,” said Fritzie. “How did you know?”

“Lucky guess,” said Bernie.

“Still managed to bust the asshole.”

“What asshole?”

“Who dropped the wrapper,” Fritzie said. “Got him on a 74-31C.”

“What’s that?”

“Littering. But a real suspicious character, Bernie, dressed all in black – plus he had his collar on backwards, probably some new gangbanger thing, like with the ball caps.”

“Good job,” Bernie said.


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This entry was posted on Monday, January 10th, 2022 at 7:38 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

7 Responses to “Fritzie Bortz (More)”

  1. B. Stover
    10:26 am on January 10th, 2022

    Good day to all.

  2. Wose-The Small and Meek
    2:20 pm on January 10th, 2022


    I love the name Fritzie Bortz!

    Good afternoon to all!

  3. mlaiuppa
    2:48 pm on January 10th, 2022

    LOL. Collar on backwards. I must have missed that the first time.



  4. Staff
    8:46 pm on January 10th, 2022

    That is very funny. Collar on backwards, dressed all in black. “Chortle” as Rio would say.

  5. Herd of Hounds
    9:22 pm on January 10th, 2022

    It is amazing what we remember and what we forget.
    Love the clues that Chet gives us.
    When Pookie was alive and we took her on a Thanksgiving trip with us, she got slim Jim’s and none of the other girls did.
    We like names with repetitive sounds!

  6. dawson
    9:54 pm on January 10th, 2022

    I like Fritzie. I’ve always thought that more assholes/ perps should be brought up on a 74-31C.

    Not sure I remembered how to use the “strike” correctly.

  7. dawson
    9:56 pm on January 10th, 2022

    Haha. I can see I did not!

    Nighty noodles!

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