Fritzie Bortz

Fritzie Bortz – a recurring character in the Chet and Bernie series – may surprise you in the next C&B novel, Bark to the Future (August). Here he is in The Dog Who Knew Too Much, stepping onto the stage for the first time – and at a moment when Chet could use a little help. (Some names are tiny sound poems.)

A cop appeared at the window, face kind of obscured by his motorcycle helmet.

“License and registration,” he said.

Now was the moment for saying “couldn’t be over ninety,” but Butch did not. Instead he went with, “Seventy-one on this speedometer, officer – gonna write me up for bein’ six over?” Which I knew was a loser.

“License and registration,” the cop repeated. He took them, returned to his motorcycle, soon came back with a ticket. “Clocked you at eighty-five,” he said. “Have a nice day.”
A vein throbbed in the back of the Butch’s neckless neck. The sight made me bark, not loud, don’t know why. The cop crouched down a bit, peered into the car.

“Hey!” he said. “Is that Chet?”

I peered back. If it wasn’t Fritzie Bortz! A terrible motorcycle driver with lots of crashes on his record; we’d visited him in the hospital not that long ago, he and Bernie downing a bottle of bourbon, but not the real big size. It was great to see Fritzie. My tail started wagging.


Tags: , ,

This entry was posted on Friday, January 7th, 2022 at 8:20 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

11 Responses to “Fritzie Bortz”

  1. B. Stover
    10:52 am on January 7th, 2022

    A “sound poem”–interesting.

    Good day to all.

  2. dawson
    11:13 am on January 7th, 2022

    I love the “sound poem” name. I like “zee’s in names. One of my best veteran friends was “Zeke” Zychal. I look forward to hearing from Fritzie in Bark to the Future!

    Here, the news is that the deep freeze will be over on Monday. I do hope that doesn’t mean the brilliant sun will be obscured by snow clouds.

    Create a good day!

  3. Wose-The Small and Meek
    11:31 am on January 7th, 2022


    Love the phrase “sound poem”, and also “neckless neck.” Brilliant! :^)

    Sad to hear Sidney Poitier has died. He was so good in “In The Heat of the Night”, and “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.” Especially good in “To Sir, With Love.”

    After about 3″ of snow in this neck of the woods, it has turned into a pretty, blue sky day.

    Make today awesome!

  4. mlaiuppa
    3:28 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Fritzie Bortz wears itsy shorts.

    Jan 12 is the last day to order a Team Sled Dog shirt from Teddythedog. Found out today that sales benefit the New Hampshire Sled Dog Rescue. Nice organization.

    Saw on the security cams we had some bad fog last night. Today the high will be 63, clear with a few clouds. Possible rain on Monday.

    The plan for today is to go to Rosies Calico Cupboard with a pillow case to try to match thread and fabric so I can repair the hole Freyja tore in my new sheets. And I was laying in bed right beside her when she did it. It would have been an easier repair if some stupid person had not decided to wash just the flat sheet. Too lazy to wash the fitted and the pillow cases. I don’t know what they were thinking. Likely not thinking at all. And no, it wasn’t me.

  5. BooBear’s Mom
    10:42 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Happy Friday Evening! Hope everyone has a good weekend planned. Just another day in the week of the retired and I do love that feeling.

    Thank you, Mlaiuppa, for the reminder of the Teddythedog deadline. I will try to remember to order one tomorrow. I went on the website the other day and found one I like. Just need to go back and order.

    It’s been cold here for the last few days. A little warmer for a couple days coming up then cold again. I don’t mind because I like cold weather. Of course, I’m talking about Texas cold weather, not Canada cold.

  6. BooBear’s Mom
    10:44 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Mlaiuppa, why in the world would someone just wash the flat sheet and not the others?

  7. mlaiuppa
    10:53 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Because they are lazy, stupid and just want to infer they are actually working.

    The person I had in mind? My worthless freeloading 33 year old nephew that still lives with his mother.

    He puts something in the washer and turns it on. Then he goes out back and plays on his phone for 90 min. Then he puts it in the dryer and goes out and plays on his phone for 90 min.

    Three hours later and he’s done “work”. Look, he’s done the laundry. He’s worked so *hard*.

    My Dad has just given him a room in the house for life. AND made him the executor.

    I have been cursed with this worthless LEECH as my roommate for the rest of my life. And I have to move back into their house because Dolly, their dog, is tied to the house. If I don’t live there, I won’t get her. (Another promise broken.) And I will not leave her with a family member with a history of animal neglect and negligence.

  8. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    10:54 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Flat!…Wots a flat sheet?…sniff!…Is that flat like my head?…grunt!..I have no sheets in my warm soft bed so therefore…no need to answer the question…snuffle!

  9. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    11:01 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Mlaiuppa!…My friends heart goes out to youse…sniffle!…Although finally Mother (who lives with us) has finally had “enough” of the bullsh*t and says she no longer will invite some of my sisters sons and husbands over after this last Christmas “dinner”…THANK DAWG!…And I know my friend will hold her to IT!…grunt!

  10. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    11:07 pm on January 7th, 2022

    Executor!…That’s a big word with a lot of responsibility…snort!…What is the reasoning behind that decision I wonder…(you do not have to answer – none of my business – its just strange)…sniff!

  11. mlaiuppa
    4:16 am on January 8th, 2022

    Riõ: The “reasoning” is that he would be “impartial.” The truth is my Dad is cheap and doesn’t want his money going outside the family and my sister, who is manipulating all of this has wanted this millstone out of her house for YEARS. This is her opportunity to get rid of him. But he can’t support himself. As executor he would get a stipend that is a percent of the estate so it’s her way of funneling money to him. She can also control her spawn since he is incapable of responsible adult behavior, like holding down a full time job for any length of time and supporting himself.

    Of course, he is incapable of fulfilling the duties of an executor. He has to write himself a note to remember to wipe his derriere. He is what Spence would term, an unreliable narrator.

    My parents are both vulnerable and my sister is taking advantage of the situation to further her own interests.

    Why am I not involved, being the oldest and the most educated? Because my Father doesn’t trust my judgement or value my opinion. My sister has needed money from him periodically all her life and he loves that.

The Books

powered by wordpress | site by michael baker digital