Foolproof Financial Advice In These Trying Times (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)
Lieutenant Stine went away. I polished off my steak tips, stretched out on those cool tiles, chilled out. What a life! The final chase through the warehouse ran pleasantly through my mind. And then again. After a while, I grew aware that the Hawaiian shirt guy had moved next to Bernie and struck up a conversation, at first about Hawaiian shirts, then about something else.
“What I run,” he was saying, “is what you might call a hedge fund for the little guy.”
“Little guy?” said Bernie.
“Not little in terms of intelligence or ability,” the Hawaiian shirt man added quickly. “But for one reason or another, men of distinction who don’t happen to be Wall Street insiders. I’ve had some nice play in commodities lately. You’re familiar with the basics of tin futures?”
Bernie motioned for another drink, overturning the salt and pepper. “Can’t be that complicated,” he said.
“Exactly,” replied the Hawaiian shirt man. And to the bartender when Bernie’s drink came: “I’ll get that.” Then came a lot of back and forth about tin, puts, calls, Bolivia and other mysteries. My eyelids got heavy, way too heavy to keep open. I let them close, drifted off. Harmless talk was all it was. As long as the check book didn’t come out of Bernie’s pocket we were in good shape.
Sometime later I awoke, feeling tip-top. I got up, gave myself a good shake, looked around. The bar was empty except for me, the bartender, the man in the Hawaiian shirt, and Bernie. The only completely sober one was me. Then came the bartender, the man in the Hawaiian shirt, and Bernie, dead last. Also, the check book was coming out.
Welcome Murphy, Missy.
Tags: finances, Thereby Hangs A Tail, tin futures
This entry was posted on Saturday, August 20th, 2011 at 8:37 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
9:22 am on August 20th, 2011
Oh Bernie!
Good morning.
9:36 am on August 20th, 2011
Ve do not understand. Is Bernie investing in Havaiian shirts? If he looks for good investment, ve have a bridge in Siberia ve could sell him.
10:02 am on August 20th, 2011
Oh, no! Not the checkbook!
Good morning fellow Plunderers.
(whispering) We have a lot of catching up to do!
10:07 am on August 20th, 2011
Good luck with catching up BSD! Hope we make some sense.
Actually the tin futures did badly then well but I don’t remember how it ended.
We have two visitors today. Two Newfs! and their Mom.
BBL
10:19 am on August 20th, 2011
Packing!…Someone here is incredibly busy trying to pack up the Fan for Dawson…snort!…Oh, wait it is going to Staff not Dawson. Anyways she finally found all the stuff she needs to get this job done finally….grunt!…Its been quite a trying morning because she lost her special pen for signing and her special punch for punching and her special gold paper for gawd knows what…sniff!… After many trips up and down the stairs we are finally ready to start packing this baby for its safe and non-breakable trip….snort!
10:27 am on August 20th, 2011
My poor little Puglet. Just think, maybe you vill not need long, hot valk today.
10:45 am on August 20th, 2011
Quiet!….Natasha!….snort!…I’m trying to pawtograph something here…grunt!
10:49 am on August 20th, 2011
Yikes, Bernie! Isn’t spilling salt bad luck in some circles?
You’d better take a second look at that purposed investment.
Yawn. The sun is up and so am I. Ready to rock and roll!
10:51 am on August 20th, 2011
Pawtograghs are not necessary.
Package will taste just as good without
Signed
The Marauding Goats
10:54 am on August 20th, 2011
What the hey?! That NOT my face up there!
Wasn’t there an episode of avatar snatching a couple of days ago?
Looks like it’s still happening!
Grump.
11:09 am on August 20th, 2011
A synopsis of Mom’s trip to the airport Wednesday evening:
Started late (did not take the dog).
Forgot to unpack the trunk to make room for luggage.
Traffic moving at a snail’s pace on I-5 corridor.
Glanced down at the gas gauge to see it was nearing empty.
Arrived at airport to discover plane is 45 minutes late.
One person’s luggage shows up late, another one’s not at all.
We take a “quicker way” home. It takes 30 minutes longer.
11:09 am on August 20th, 2011
Good morning all. And we echo Bee…Oh, Bernie! Do not bring out the checkbook, do not even mention tin futures!
Well, our Ky. company left. I had a great time playing with my sister, Katie Scarlett. She was a little scared at first, guess she is not around other doggies very much. She actually showed me her teeth once when she first got here. Barb convinced her mama to turn her loose in the yard, and then we were fine.
Had a huge rain storm with accompaning hail this morning, but now it is turning into a beautiful day.
Someone called Barb at the office yesterday and said the Paul Robeson tomato she gave his wife is the best tomato he has eaten in years. Barb twirrled, she loves it when people like her tomatoes. You know how she is!
Oh, on the avatars, the other night when we posted, we got the generic avatar instead of our regular. Happened 2 or 3 times. What is going on?
11:17 am on August 20th, 2011
Hey Barb,
Sometimes when I get the generic avatar I have plugged my email addy in wrong.
My tomatoes are still green but they are getting a little yellowish tinge. Here’s hoping….
1:19 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wookie, Soft cover is fine with me.
Also, Wookie, If you go to facebookie, there is now a page there called, Albuquerque, Remember When. There are rememberances there of Albuquerque in the late fifties and sixties.
1:28 pm on August 20th, 2011
I have flowers on my tomatoes!
Our company has left. Just one Newf (Sullivan). He is one of Gracie Twelve!
He is now one year old, 150 pounds, as tall as Frank and absolutely no meat on his bones! Or a typical one year old Newf, all legs and head!
Very cute, in an extra large sort of way. Patsy and Ellie approved (Grandmother and Great Grandmother).
The others had to admire from a far. Playing in the house with a new Newf (even a son, nephew or cousin) can get very wild!
Well, I’m off to do some pool.
1:30 pm on August 20th, 2011
Shipped!….The Fan is now in the capable hands of the US Postal Service….gulp!..snort!…My friend is completely relieved, but I will be a nervous wreck until that package arrives safely at its destination…grunt!…Staff be sure and let me know the second it arrives. And be damned careful when you unwrap it…gurgle!…Don’t let those Kats near it. Especially AbbieTheKat. If she sits on it it will break into a million pieces….wheeze!…We did not insure it for Fat Kat Damage….sniff!
1:33 pm on August 20th, 2011
SiberH!…Since when do you go out to facebookie?….snort!…Are you becoming a techno-nerdie Siber?…sneeze!
1:35 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wookie, are we too late to order a soft cover cookbook? We’ve been undecided but after reading what everyone is doing, we like the softcover for special keepsake and will go to Kinkos / Fedex for the working copy and for stocking stuffers. Hope we aren’t too late with this!!
1:44 pm on August 20th, 2011
Also, Wookie, please let us know cost (be sure to include S&H) when you have a final figure and we will get a check sent right away.
1:53 pm on August 20th, 2011
Nope, Rio, I am not suppose to go to facebookie. I read about the Albuquerque Facebookie page in my newspaper.
I am allowed to visit the facebookie pages of Snowhook and the Yukon Quest. That’s it.
2:04 pm on August 20th, 2011
17 more days until Dog Who comes out.
2:13 pm on August 20th, 2011
Mowed dog yard for the last time before winter. Mixed feelings about this…I am not looking forward to winter but then again I also hate mowing.
2:13 pm on August 20th, 2011
Waiting is such sweet sorrow.
Or something like that. It is going to be a very long 17 days indeed.
3:29 pm on August 20th, 2011
SiberH — thanks; I’m not allowed to go to Facebookie either, but my dad may find a way to check it out.
Gus/BooBear — you are in luck; my mom probably won’t place the order until early next week, so no problem adding you to the list.
Once we know the actual price, I will post that here and we will post our mailing address on Dishlickers. Obviously, we will need everybody’s mailing address too to know where to send them when they come in. Certain of the Plunderers know our mailing address already (Rio, Melanie, Mary Aller, probably Staff and Stover too), so for anyone who has trouble accessing Dishlickers, you can probably get it from one of the them via SDD.
Wookie
3:39 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wookie….add me to the cookbook list. Thanks.
3:55 pm on August 20th, 2011
We are filimg the additional footage for the dogumentary right now—and action!
4:22 pm on August 20th, 2011
That is exciting! Good Luck Rebecca!
4:23 pm on August 20th, 2011
How exciting! We can’t wait to see the new footage!
4:43 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wookie: We posted a request for a copy of the cookbook on the dark-side last night. Wanted to make sure you saw it. Will send request with address via dishlickers right now also. Thanks!
Good luck SnowBella and YSAS!
5:09 pm on August 20th, 2011
Hello all. Siber, if you are visiting FB, you should let our mom know to look for you.
Mom & Pop are having a very busy Saturday so we can’t stay on the computer long. They had a meeting this morning, and then went for a bike ride. Then they had to do their weekly stall cleaning. Now Pop is trying to get some sleep because he has to go into work at midnight. And their friends called to invite them out for dinner this evening. So you can see that leaves us huskies to hold up the fort. Thats why we don’t have much time.
5:14 pm on August 20th, 2011
OleyH, when we click on your name to go to your website, all we get is the weather for Oley, PA. Is there another page about your farm?
5:15 pm on August 20th, 2011
Hey, we just noticed that Snowhook Bella has a personal avatar now!! Is this new or have we just been blind?
5:29 pm on August 20th, 2011
BSD — yes, this is confirm that you are on the list, as is C. Harris now as well.
Wookie
5:30 pm on August 20th, 2011
G&BB, our website is just our weather station here at Howling Arabians. Pop keeps telling Mom to put pictures there, but she just keeps it for weather. She is a real weather geek. So anywhere she is (like at work), she knows the exact temperature here, and in the barn, and in the house, etc.
5:33 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wookie, our mailing address is on dishlickers.
6:28 pm on August 20th, 2011
Avatar!….Rebecca has an avatar but it is hard to see…snort!… Is that her with another guy or gal?…sniff!
Lemon!…We are downstairs after a busy day watching Under the Yum Yum Tree with Jack Lemon, Dean Jones, Paul Lynde and a bunch of other really good old-time actors that we adore…heh!snort!
6:37 pm on August 20th, 2011
HI everyone –
Wookie, would you please add our Mama to your list too? And of course, we will send you payment as soon as you let us know the cost.
Rio – congrats on getting the Fan out…did you goat-proof it?
Melanie – wish we could have seen Sullivan. Did you get any pics?
and Rebecca – GO SNOWHOOK!!!! Emote, emote, emote!
6:39 pm on August 20th, 2011
Not doing too well AND I decided to upgrade to OS X Lion. Probably not a good idea. Appleworks does not work, or at least I haven’t figured out how to work it, AND my photoshop doesn’t work!
ARRGGGGG . . .
I love my photoshop. What am I going to do without my photoshop.
I think I better quit trying to do things.
6:45 pm on August 20th, 2011
Here’s a riddle for you all. What gets into your garden and climbs halfway up your 7 foot tall tomato plants and eats half of each and every ripe tomato?
We don’t know either, but we are about ready to go out there with a pop gun! Yesterday, we had a big, gorgeous Cherokee Purple tomato just almost ready to pick. We went out today, grabbed it and got a handful of yuck! The other side of the tomato was eaten and dripping juice and seeds.
Melanie got the ONLY ripe tomatoes that came from our garden and survived the debacle of the Mysterious Tomato Muncher. Every tomato that has ripened since has been stolen by 1) the MTM or 2) Mama’s father’s Great Pyrenees or 3) Mama’s father. (ok, so he is intitled to eat some, but they never even make it into the house to be shared. He picks handfuls of the cherry tomatoes and eats them as he wanders around the yard.)
7:02 pm on August 20th, 2011
Gardening!….Me and her mother are wonderful gardeners!…snort!…We have basketfuls of ripe tomatoes and tons of green beans and cucumbers and zucchini before her mother pulled the plants out because there was too much zucchini ….snorkel!….Yup!…Her mother and I could open our own farmers market right here on the driveway….sneeze!
7:16 pm on August 20th, 2011
T & G, Have no clue about that mysterious muncher, but one of Barb’s friends said something is eating her tomatoes too. Is any foilage being eaten or just the tomatoes? Sometimes those giant horned worms will eat leaves and take bites out of the tomatoes, but usually green ones.
8:19 pm on August 20th, 2011
Worms!….Those horned tomato worms are disgusting!…grunt!…My friend said when her and her sister were young they would take clothes pins and grab them off the tomato plants then toss them into the street….gah!….It was the only way to get those clingy buggers off the plant without using their hands….snort! …When we see my friends sister she is going to ask her if she still uses a clothes pin…heh!
8:34 pm on August 20th, 2011
Staff took her pages to the Fed Ex/Kinko’s office today and they bound it up really pretty in 5 minutes. Plastic covers for front and back and spiral binder all for under 6.00 including tax. She sat in the car and admired it for a long time. Then she went to the Office Max to check the cost of ink. 🙂 She doesn’t need it yet, but soon maybe.’
8:39 pm on August 20th, 2011
AbbieTheKat!…Did you see how Sam, the author of the first review on LitStack replied to your post out there on the second review/?…HOOOO!…heh!snort!heh!…It’s funny in a very strange way…snort!
8:45 pm on August 20th, 2011
LitStack!…Yeep!…It is getting interesting out there…snort!…I sure wish I could post, I would like to talk to that Barry A-bone guy…heh!heh!…Maybe youse guys can get him to post over here…heh!…My friend says I cannot, and will-not post on the LitStack site…grump!stomp!grump!
8:47 pm on August 20th, 2011
Walk!…Well, we are going to go get ready for our long brutal walk in the hot damn heat of the day….grunt! wheeze!… I hate my life….sniff!
8:51 pm on August 20th, 2011
No I will have to go check it out.
Thanks for the heads up.
9:08 pm on August 20th, 2011
Good night all.
9:09 pm on August 20th, 2011
Barb and Maggie – we have never heard of giant horned tomato worms. oooow, icky poo-key…..
No, the tomato leaves are fine. Our 6 tomato plants look like a jungle taking over our yard. They are HUGE, and each is loaded with fruit. They all look fine, and we watch tomatoes get bigger and riper by the day – and then they disappear….poof….gone. Or they look like someone took a huge bite out of one side. Gramp tells us to just cut off the bitten part, but we are concerned about germs that could have gotten into the rest of the tomato. So, just call us sqeamish, but we aren’t eating any half eaten tomato unless we know who was eating it.
10:04 pm on August 20th, 2011
Harriet Klausner has “reviewed” 25,199 books on amazon. Sometimes she reviews as many as 49 a day.
10:18 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wolfie, That is both funny and frightening.
10:20 pm on August 20th, 2011
Those giant horned worms are icky for sure. They are about the size of an entire finger. A fat finger. They can strip the leaves from part of the plant in no time. Barb will not touch them either. She breaks off the little piece of stem they of clinging to, and throws the whole thing into the chicken pen. Yum.
10:21 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wolfie, How are the boys doing?
10:25 pm on August 20th, 2011
Tupper & Gilly – it is Rocky! Actually it really is squirrels – or so say some very savvy gardening ladies I know. Grrr! Wookie gets so angry when they so after his Mom’s garden.
10:26 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wolfie – this one is just for you
H-orrible
A-matures
R-arely
R-eview
I-ntelligently
E-dited
T-ranscripts
K-indly
L-augh
A-loud
U-ntil
S-omeone
N-ew
E-nters
R-eviews
10:32 pm on August 20th, 2011
Ha ha ha ha ha……!
You know, she may have the right idea. She is 54, gets to read all the time, and somebody obviously is sending her free books. No crazy ladies or busy places to deal with. Not a bad gig, not bad at all.
10:36 pm on August 20th, 2011
Debbie LM- thanks for the info. Dam Fuzzbutts!!
MollyPop – wanna come hang out here for a while and chase those rotten critters away from Mama’s tomatoes??
Or does anyone have any anti-Rocky devices or ideas?
10:36 pm on August 20th, 2011
My boys seem to as happy as clams, smoking weed all day and who doing knows what.
I have been looking at rehabs just in case they ever hit bottom and are ready to work a program.
10:39 pm on August 20th, 2011
T&G One word….Meashka
10:46 pm on August 20th, 2011
Hour!… We walked and walked, up hill and down hills…wheeze!… Then when we finally got back she lit some mosquito candles and we sat outside on the patio to cool off…snort!… I love Summer-time Saturday nights …snorkel!!…Now we are watching Football!..wooo!…Unbelievable that football is beginning already….sniff!
Klausner!…She is a disgrace to the profession…sneeze!
10:51 pm on August 20th, 2011
Quinn!…Get this, we have a Brady Quinn on the Bronco team…snort!…As far as I know he is not related to Spencer…heh!
10:57 pm on August 20th, 2011
It took 13 innings, but the Rockies won!!
night all
10:58 pm on August 20th, 2011
Wolfie, We were not aware of their relapses. Did that happen when we were gone for a week? Are they no longer at home with you? We are sorry to hear that sad news.
11:13 pm on August 20th, 2011
Brady Quinn!!!!! He is our great Notre Dame Quarterback!!!! We love him….lucky lucky Broncs.
Tomatoes…our garden is very heartbreaking this year. Mom did all that plantng while Pop was on crutches. Cucumbers never really took off. Neither did the green beans. The peas were good but didn’t last long. The lettuce was good but the potato plants (first year for them) kind of took over that part of the garden. And the stars of the show….our much-loved and long-anticipated tomatoes seemed to get early blight …. altho some of the plants are o.k., but the fruit keeps splitting. From we have read, its due to this o-so-dry summer followed by lots and lots of rain.
Thank goodness all of our peppers did well. Especially our jalapenos and now our habaneros.
11:15 pm on August 20th, 2011
Barb’s daughtwer has had deer eat her tomatoes and zucchini. We don’t have either deer or squirrels in our garden area, just an occasional bunny or chicken.
We are going to sign off. Beddy bye time.
11:17 pm on August 20th, 2011
Oley, tell us what the tomato blight looks like. We will read it tomorrow morning when we come back on.
11:17 pm on August 20th, 2011
O yeah…forgot about our wonderful zucchini. They were awesome while they lasted.
11:18 pm on August 20th, 2011
Quinn!….Yes, we snagged Brady Quinn!…heh!heh!…Maybe our team will be half decent this year…snort!
Ollie!…I see that you have invited that Barry guy to come over here and post. Do you think he will?….wuffle! …Some funny stuff over there!…heh! …The Kats, Alice and AbbieTheKat are working the whole room…snorkel!
11:18 pm on August 20th, 2011
Barb, first the leaves start turning brown and wilting. Then the tomatoes get brown spots on the bottom. Its all so darn depressing. If anyone in your area gets blight, your tomatoes get it.
11:22 pm on August 20th, 2011
Rio, we are thinking there just may be quite a few more lurkers on this blog than we may have imagined. Evidently, Barry has been lurking…sure wish he would join in our fun. But you know, youse guys are intimidating at first blush.
11:27 pm on August 20th, 2011
Meashka here…T&G, I don’t like to brag but we could handle those squirrels for you in a snap.
Dima here…yes she really does love to brag.
11:27 pm on August 20th, 2011
Howlers – we had that blight last year. Rumor was that it came to the area in some plants that were at the Room Divider Store, so a lot of people boycotted that store for a while.
Our tomatoes last year did the same thing, but this year they have been healthy – until the fuzzbutt attacks!
Our cucumbers forgot to get long, so we had strange little green balls. We had two zucchini that grew from little finger length to watermelon size overnight. Our plants now have many new blossoms – wonder if we are going to get more zukes.
Our black peppers and eggplants are coming along, but our hot peppers – not so much.
Right now our Indian corn is growing beautifully-if the fuzzbutts get after that, Mama’s going hunting!
11:28 pm on August 20th, 2011
Intimidating?…snort!…How so?
11:30 pm on August 20th, 2011
Meashka – WELCOME!!! We will start pooling our treat money to buy you a ticket to get here. It will be a FuzzButt Buffet!
11:31 pm on August 20th, 2011
Count me in for that there buffet!
11:32 pm on August 20th, 2011
Squirrel!… I think Wookie has also tasted Squirrel before…heh!
11:34 pm on August 20th, 2011
T&G: what are black peppers? We have these peppers: purple beauties, chocolate beauties, Lady Belles, California Beauties (we think thats what they are called), and the jalapenos and habaneros.
Rio: Youse guys have tons of inside jokes and stories, so when we were new, we were very much intimidated and felt like outsiders. But now that we know you all, we love every one of you.
11:36 pm on August 20th, 2011
Howlers -aw, shucks
11:37 pm on August 20th, 2011
Howlers, the black peppers are just a type of very dark purple peppers. Not sure what their real name is. We got the seedlings at a local organic farm and they were just called black.
11:38 pm on August 20th, 2011
Please, oh please, I can’t take any more painting. After filming today, it was back to work in the rain. For my labors, I’m sitting myself down to a slice of cheesecake.
Rio: Another guy, no, no way no how…at least not of the two legged variety.
T&G: I love the image of your father out in the garden just taking a bite here and a bite there just to confuse you.
11:41 pm on August 20th, 2011
Bella: How did the filming go? What did you do? Recreation of Iditarod 2010?
We could help with that cheesecake…mmmmm
Is that Rio the Good in your avatar? Or who?
11:50 pm on August 20th, 2011
Guy!… Rebecca, I didn’t mean a two-legged guy…snort!…Angry J. would not like that one bit…heh!…I meant guy as in four-legged guy…grunt!
11:53 pm on August 20th, 2011
Bed!… Well, we are going to shut-down everything and go upstairs to our beds…snorkel! yawn!….I have a brand new baseball toy, but she won’t let me sleep with it until she gets some photos of it and me – together…heh!…That will be a cold day in hell…snuffle!
11:54 pm on August 20th, 2011
G’nite Rio. We would very much like to see pics of you with your new baseball toy.
We are going to bed too. Pop had to go to work tonite, so we need to keep our mom company. Good nite all.
12:05 am on August 21st, 2011
Here is a picture of me and my “other guy” taken one morning at 30 below zero.
Rio: Maybe just let your friend take one picture of you with your new baseball toy…just one.
12:16 am on August 21st, 2011
Awwwwww – Becca – what a sweet baby!!! Is that anyone we know from your stories?
12:20 am on August 21st, 2011
T&G: He hasn’t been the star of one of my written stories to date, but maybe someday. On a unrelated subject, I was going to tell you that I had a dream last night that had your mum’s White Buffalo sculpture in it. I assume it looks as beautiful in real life as it did in my dream.
12:34 am on August 21st, 2011
No Rocky the Squirrels here. Just that darn ole Ricky Raccoon.
Bella wish we could see your avatar better. Who is that guy? Can you send a photo to Friends of Chet? Please, please.
Staff: We did the same thing here with the cookbook. Printing out the pages on our home printer. The plan is to buy clear page protectors & put the pages in a thin 3 hole binder as this will be our cookbook for everyday use. Like you, we are concerned about running low on ink. We are cheap. Ink is not.
Time to call it a night.
12:38 am on August 21st, 2011
Thank you, Bella!!! That picture is beautiful!!!
12:42 am on August 21st, 2011
Rebecca – that is a lovely compliment – thank you.
We gotta say goodnight now – tomorrow is the last day of working with AQ before he goes on 2 week vacation….sob!
12:45 am on August 21st, 2011
Well, I tried to post, but it is being moderated.
Grrrr. I’m going to bed!
Bear