What beats fetch? Nothing. Well, maybe grabbing a perp by the pantleg, which is how I know a case is over, but other than that, nothing. I can play fetch all day! Once, when Bernie and I were first getting together, he said to Lt. Stine, “Chet here’s pretty frisky today, I’ll have to tire him out with a bit of fetch.” But later – in fact we were using headlights by then – guess who got tired out? Tennis balls are my favorite things to fetch, and after that comes Frisbees. A problem with Frisbees is they get chewed up too easily. I’ve fetched all kinds of things in my time, including a .44 Magnum I found by accident while searching for a tennis ball under a bush. That led to a bad guy going to Central State, where he’s probably still wearing an orange jumpsuit and breaking rocks in the hot sun. Before I go – don’t you smell that bacon? – I want to mention lacrosse balls. Biting on them gives my teeth the best feeling in the world.
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