Employment Opportunities, Nation Within The Nation

“Here’s something,” Bernie says. He’s reading the paper. “Turns out some dogs are really good at sniffing out bedbugs, find them ninety-six percent of the time. They work for exterminating companies in big cities.” He gives me a look. What? Like I’d want a job like that? My job – chasing down perps – is the best and I wouldn’t change a thing. In fact, all I want to do is get back to work on Colonel Bob’s son’s case. I give some thought to maybe pulling that newspaper out of Bernie’s hands, can’t find anything wrong with the idea.

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This entry was posted on Friday, March 12th, 2010 at 10:39 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

39 Responses to “Employment Opportunities, Nation Within The Nation”

  1. Melanie
    6:11 am on March 12th, 2010

    CHET!

    My struggling actor son's old apartment had an infestation of bedbugs. Turns out that one of the NYC subway lines was infected and people were taking them home. His apartment was cleared, but later that month he was walking somewhere and saw a van that was for the BEDBUG SNIFFING DOG. Wish I could remember the name of the dog. Will have to ask him, after he wakes up. We have very different hours.

    Anyhoo, I think tearing the paper out of Bernie's hands is a great idea. I know you are not much on drooling. That is what are dogs do when we are trying to read the newspaper. It is a wet experience.

  2. J. V.
    6:26 am on March 12th, 2010

    Hey Chet I could not see you sniffing out bedbugs but I could see sniffing out bombs.

  3. B. Stover
    6:42 am on March 12th, 2010

    Yes, Chet. Take that paper out of Bernie's hands and get him restarted on Col. Bob's son's case.

  4. Siberian Husky
    7:33 am on March 12th, 2010

    They are also using dogs to sniff out termites. Just remember, us dogs are so smart that we could be trained to say that the termites are there, when they aren't. More money for the exterminating companies. I'm beginning to sound like Bernie.

  5. Rio - The Evil Pug
    7:49 am on March 12th, 2010

    Wha!?… what the hell do bedbugs smell like?… snort!… This is a joke, right?… grunt!…no guy with any self respect would be out there sniffing out bedbugs!…wheeze!…

  6. Siberian Husky
    7:53 am on March 12th, 2010

    Melanie: I am concerned about Whitey also. This has happened before and it has always turned out okay. Tell all ten Newfs to keep their paws crossed for Whitey and I will do the same. All you dogs and cats here keep your paws crossed for Whitey. There has gotta be some power in that.

    I don't have a favorite musher. We are cheering for a lot of them. We just want all 4 Siberian teams to finish the race. To have 4 Siberian teams in the iditarod all at once, must be a first.

    lol I am getting eyestrain from following the Iditarod, and Rio is sleeping in.

  7. B. Stover
    7:53 am on March 12th, 2010

    Hey, Rio, did you frolic last night?

  8. Siberian Husky
    7:54 am on March 12th, 2010

    There is Rio! I'm off to the Idiatord now–be back later

  9. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:04 am on March 12th, 2010

    Grunt!… Maybe if Whitey was Black he would be easier to find… snort!

    Snicker!..I wrote up a quick review of my big night out….grunt!… if you want to read it I will post it out here…. Wheeze!… but I don’t want to distract from the bedbugs or termite stories!… cough!

  10. Rio - The Evil Pug
    9:06 am on March 12th, 2010

    Hmmm… I just found this out on the world-wide-whatever… snort!… there is a dog named Tracker who has completed more than 1000 hours of training in detecting bed bugs… wheeze!…he works for the K-9 Bed Bug Detective Agency!…grump!… what a waste of a good nose!…grunt!

    [img ]http://www.chetthedog.com/wp-content/uploads/1268420805-bedbugdog.jpg[/img]

  11. Melanie
    9:24 am on March 12th, 2010

    Rio- how was your evening?

  12. Wookie of Chevy Chas
    9:38 am on March 12th, 2010

    Rio — don't keep us in suspense. Inquiring minds want to know!!! Yours faithfully, Wookie.

  13. Rio - The Evil Pug
    9:49 am on March 12th, 2010

    Okay!… snort!… here’s what I wrote first thing this morning…. Grunt!… while it was still fresh in my mind….gruff!

    Lordy!…. I think I have Je-fa-fa hangover this morning! …grunt!… What a night!… cough!…We went and had some outrageous BBQ before the show… snort!… and the beer was a-flowin!… gulpgulpgulp!… Good food, funny friends!… Life just couldn’t get much better!… wheeze!… but then we went to the show and life got a helluva lot better!…. snort!

    Guitar Guy!…. came out first which was surprising, because on the Comedy Channel, Guitar Guy has a smallish straight-guy role to some of the puppets…. Grunt!… but he did a whole routine and played some awesome Riffs!….snort!…He was way funnier than I have ever seen him!… wheeze!…He got roaring applause and laughter and he was digging it!…snort!…We all love Guitar Guy… mmmmm!

    Soon!… Jeff Freakin’ Dunham was right there!…SNORT!… We had awesome seats!… wow!… He did a short hilarious routine….gruff!… and then pulled out the first puppet!….Walter!… the crotchety old grumpy guy….grunt!… What a hoot!….A lot of new comedy in his routine and grumpier than ever!… we love him too!… mmmmm!

    Then!….came Achmed, the Dead Terrorist (because he blew himself up!) …Grunt!… OH MY GAWD!…. the crowd went crazy!… wheeze!…Everyone loves Achmed!…. “Infidels!…I Keel you!… I Keel you till you are Dead!”… snort!… then Guitar Guy came out to do his ‘Straight-Guy’ bit with Achmed… and Jeff Freakin’ Dunham went off on an improvisational thing that had the whole crowd doubled over and Guitar Guy laughing so hard! (and he’s supposed to be the straight guy!)…. Wheeze!…. Jeff was even cracking himself up so bad that Achmed couldn’t talk…snort!…and then Achmed got pissed off about that….groan!… which made it even funnier!… cough!… Jeff and Achmed were picking on Guitar Guy so bad!…it ended up with, “Your new name is Stinky Pick”… don’t ask what that’s all about!…. oh my Lord!… What fun!

    Achmed!…somewhere in there he told a story about the time he used to have a dog…. Snort!… but his father accidentally blew all 4 legs off Achmed’s dog…snort!… Achmed was very upset about this… wheeze!… So Jeff asked him, “What did you call your dog?”…

    “Seriously?”

    “Yeah, what did you call him?”

    “Seeeeriously?!!’

    “Achmed!, what did you call your dog?”

    “What does it matter? He couldn’t come if I called him anything!”

    “Did he do any tricks?”

    Achmed thought about this, “He could roll-over. But if he was on a steep incline he could not stop!.And all the Kats would make fun of him.”

    Snort!…I’m sure you would have had to be there to really get the accent in the “voices” and the “looks” for the full effect!… snicker!

    After that!… Jeff pulled out Peanut!….snort!… Peanut has always been one of my old time favorites… grunt!… but I think Je-fa-fa shortened his routine because of the Achmed Improv going for so long!… snort!… anyway, all in all !… Grunt!…I had a Blast!… whooo!

  14. Siberian Husky
    10:29 am on March 12th, 2010

    Great review Rio!! I sounds like a great deal of fun. I would have liked it.

    Guess what Rio-You got it right about "If Whitey were black, he'd be easier to find" The searchers are reporting that looking for a white dog in the snow is very difficult. They are searching by air and ground.

  15. Rio - The Evil Pug
    11:03 am on March 12th, 2010

    Strange!… How does a dog who is running in the Iditarod get lost in the first place??… grunt!… when the rest of the pack was sleeping, did he run off looking for a good time?… snort!… what the heck?… grump!.. what is his motivation for leaving the pack? … wheeze!

  16. Rio - The Evil Pug
    11:47 am on March 12th, 2010

    Bed Bugs!… I’ve been thinking about this too!… snort!… what a scam this K-9 Bed Bug Detective Agency has going!!… Grunt!… I should have thought of it myself!… Damn!

    Lets!…say some poor guy, like Melanie’s son, the struggling actor, calls this K-9 Detective Agency and says, “Hey, I think I have an infestation of bed bugs! Can you come find them for me?”…. Snort!… Of course the detective and his dog rush right over and lay out their terms for the deal… grunt!… Struggling actor coughs up a couple hundred bucks, borrowed from his mother… grunt!… and then the well trained K-9 sniffer guy goes directly to the Bed!… “Here’s yer Bed Bugs pal”… Ingenious!

  17. dawson
    12:50 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Wow Chet,

    You know your nose is one of your biggest assets. There has been studies of dogs sniffing out diseases too. I imagine you nation within a nation guys and gals could sniff out just about anything.

    Read a few more chapters of Dog On It today (I love my job) to Gord and Lonnie. Actually, Gord came to me at 10 to question when I was going to read. He's hooked for sure.

    Rio: I imagine that you were pretty close to having a frolic last night. Did you have a question for me?

  18. Mollypop
    1:02 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Rio – I think you did have a frolic last night. I'm just sayin'.

  19. Siberian Husky
    1:15 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Rio: Whitey got lost somehow on the trail between checkpoints.

    They weren't sleeping then, but I am not sure just how he got away from his musher and team. Mom says she can only imagine how difficult it would be to make sure all 16 of your dogs are harnessed in like they should be. The mushers wife, who is posting on the Iditarod message boards, says running off is a very uncharastic behavior for this dog.

    I don't know about Alaskan Huskies, but I do know about Siberian Huskies. Oh man.I hate to admitt this in Siberspace, but we cannot be let off leash period. We will run off. We were born wanting to know what is over the next mountian range, and born to run. We also don't come when called, which makes husky parents look really stupid. Mom loves me anyway.

    Whitey, if you can hear me, get your ass back to a checkpoint.

  20. dawson
    1:41 pm on March 12th, 2010

    I am crossing my fingers and my toes for Whitey, although I went to my one and only prom with a guy named Whitey and it was a disaster…a story for another time…or not.

    Hopefully, the thought of food or water will bring Whitey back. How cold is it out there?

  21. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:03 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Dawson!… What are the name of your Kats?…. snort!… and now I have a second question… wheeze!…. Do you read the Cuss words to the old folk?? … heh!.

    Actually!… I have a third question!… grunt!… You went to Prom?? … [snicker].

  22. Rio - The Evil Pug
    2:11 pm on March 12th, 2010

    So!… Our ole boy Whitey escaped the hard labor of the trail and is probably in Nome enjoying a hot bath, sauna and drinking martinis….snort!… Not hard to figure that one out….cough! … he probably took his little booties off so no one could track him!… chuckle!… Way to Go Guy!…. snort!

    Although!… on the darker side and if he really is lost in space and time and all that whiteness…yelp!… that would be very bad for the poor fella… groan!…. That’s why I always insist that Wookie take flares on all his trips to Cape Cod….snort!… Just In Case!….mmmmmm!…. you can never be overly prepared for shit to hit the fan….grunt!

  23. Siberian Husky
    2:19 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Dawson: It is 1 degrees F where Whitey approximately is right now. If the sky is clear, which I think it is, it will get much colder tonight. Whitey can eat snow; the dogs do that. It has been the hope of food that has in the past drawn the dogs back to what passes up there as civilization. It might sound like it, but I am not insulting the Alaskan bush. It's my idea of paradise. Whitey is probably having a good time, while the rest of us worry about him.

  24. Lexi
    2:46 pm on March 12th, 2010

    What do bedbugs smell like? A bed or a bug? Oh, wait a second. I'm getting a strong smell from where daddy is sleeping. It's disgusting and stinky and-oh wait. It's him. Oops….. Chet, has that ever happened to you.

  25. Rio - The Evil Pug
    3:42 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Well!.. see!…. that’s my whole point about Bed Bugs!… grunt!.. Do they even Need to Smell like anything for the low-life’s of the world to take advantage of the people who do not do their laundry each and every week.… Wheeze!… Spence, Bernie and Chet come to mind!…. snort!… remember Wookie as the Cleaning Lady!… wheeze!… they were desperate for clean linen!… heh… No one is safe from Bed Bugs if you are filthy in your everyday living habitation… Gross!

  26. Lexi
    3:57 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Exactly, Rio! And what's our next plan to find out more about book 3? Do u have a plan yet? Maybe we could send out bedbugs to spy on them…..but they'd probably be annoying.

  27. Mollypop
    4:20 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Lexi's right – we need to get our next plan in place. Some one, you know who, is out carousing, and dare I say, frolicking, while there is so much more to do. Maybe a 12-step program first.

  28. Rio - The Evil Pug
    4:23 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Yes!… I have been contemplating a plan about the whole “To Fetch A Thief! ! (I just love that damn name!)….heh!.. I like saying it!… mmmm… Anyway, back to the all important Pub Date dilemma we are faced with… snort!… I don’t think the spread of Bed Bugs would be to our advantage… yuck!…And I also know for a fact that they cannot be trained and would not share their information, …gag!… even if they were smart enough and able to gather it….wheeze!

    However!… I have had Wookie on Fact Finding Missions… grunt!… over the course of time and that is still on-going!.. gruff!…In-between his security-meet-an-greet quilting jobs, he has been doing some other under-cover assignments for us…snort!… unbeknownst to you guys!….Sorry!, but Security is Critical!… wheeze!.. cough!…barf!…..out!.. I NEED OUT!… NOW..…too late…

    Tons!… of info has been gathered about Audrey so far!… grump!.. But he has new assignments and knows what he needs to be concentrating on in the future… ahem..cough!… Wookie will come thru for us…grunt!.. Never Fear!

  29. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:11 pm on March 12th, 2010

    I didn’t mean Wookie would come thru for us tonight! (just to clarify)…snort!… Wookie is probably out and about …snort!…it is Friday night!…WAM! … And what a looker he is!… gruff!… he can get all the girl-dogs he wants, but he loves Audrey….hmmm.. I hope this doesn’t interfer with his performance on the job…growl …. In the future I mean..…Grunt!

  30. Rio - The Evil Pug
    5:14 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Molly!… what the Hell have you and your mom's tooth been up to lately??.. ha!..girl!…you've been half silent all day…wassup!?..grunt!…something on your mind??

  31. Jasper the Poodle
    5:15 pm on March 12th, 2010

    This is Jasper's mom here. I was so excited to hear about employment opportunities as I've been laid off for the past 15 months. Two-feeters say that "you need an education to get a good job." I say I have a bachelor, masters and certification in my field and there are NO JOBS in Michigan. All the education in the world means jack shit when there are no jobs. I know I sound like Bernie about the aquifer, and Jasper just chews his bone and groans a bit in sympathy. I still feel loved, and my unemployment checks hit the bank regularly, so my life is great! as Chet would say. I am excited that someone has a shot at a job, but I don't think that bedbug sniffer-outing is for me. I don't have the nose for it, and I never saw BB Explorations 101 in my college catalog.

  32. Jasper the Poodle
    5:19 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Rio, you got some chops baby asking about Wookie's performance. I must admit that part of me, my inquiring mind, wants to know ALL about this, yet another part is saying, ewww, ewww. Wonder if that "any time the mood strikes" stuff really works. Hhmmmmm.

  33. dawson
    5:48 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Rio: The cats that live in this house are: clear cat (the crazy one), blue cat (the 'normal' one), and Mama cat (their mother).

    Yes I read the swear words unless it is the "f" word and then, being old-fashioned, I say "bleeping", unless I'm really in the moment and the real thing slips out. If that happens, I say oops and we all laugh. These oldtimers are only a year or two older than me so they aren't that old!

    And, no, they wouldn't crap their pants at real scary suspense…they love it…but I might not be able to sleep.

  34. Rio - The Evil Pug
    6:36 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Don’t!… you worry about the communication between me and Wookie…You!… Jasper’s mommie!(actually, I'm confused)…grunt!… Nice to see One of You coming out of your shell… (maybe!)…. but I must mention the BB Sniffer jobs are for Scamming Dogs Only at this point… wheeze! … But, you know Jasper better than we do…grunt!… maybe that’s right up his alley.

    Dawson!… fnally!.. Weird names for family pets.. snort!..It all makes sense when I think about you in the total sense and sensiblilities… grunt!.. Thank’s for the info… wheeze!… you did not answer the Prom question… burp!… I wonder why?

  35. AbbietheKitty
    7:33 pm on March 12th, 2010

    hey hey hey!

    Zippy you are coming to visit! When you do we can tag team Rio! That will be fun. 😉

    I have had a nap and now have to go to bed. Mom gave me (and DH) her cold!

    Abbie and Alice's 'staff'

  36. AbbietheKitty
    7:35 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Speaking of working dogs, I read a few years ago about dogs that are trained so they can tell their owners when they are going to have an epileptic attack. Amazing sense of smell, eh?

  37. AbbietheKitty
    7:36 pm on March 12th, 2010

    That second 'they' up there was supposed to refer to the owners, not the dogs.

    Abbie, who needs some more sleep

  38. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:04 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Hmmm… I feel trouble A-Foot!… snort!… Both sisters, good and evil, and possibly in cat-hoots!…wheeze!… are coming together soon!… albeit!…Down-yawn-der here soon!!…They are both Known Chickens!…bbu-bbuu..baack baaack!… the only one who is actually to be feared is Alice Johnson!..

    (Jasper pay attention, please)

    Grunt!…Although, there is no mention of Alice coming… Squirm!….Its just a “Given”, though!… growl!… Alice does not exist without the Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

    Jasper!.. just so you know!… the Good (AbbietheKat), the Bad ( Alice Johnson!), and the Ugly (Me, Rio) are at Odds. Snort!…in this ongoing story of Good Vs Evil… ha!

  39. Rio - The Evil Pug
    8:28 pm on March 12th, 2010

    Do I dare say it?.. Goodnight all!

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