Chetspeak on Sunday

We’re doing beginnings. Today: THE DOG WHO KNEW TOO MUCH:

Was I proud of Bernie or what?

True, he’d been pretty nervous going into this gig. I can always tell when Bernie’s nervous – which hardly ever happens, and never when we’re in action – because his smell sharpens a bit, although it’s still the best human smell there is, apples, bourbon, salt and pepper; but now, up on the stage, he was doing great.

“Which, um,” he was saying, “reminds me of a joke. “Sort of. Maybe not a joke,” he went on, turning a page, “more like a – “ and at that moment the whole wad of papers somehow jumped out of his hands, all the pages gliding down in different directions. He bent and started gathering them up. That gave me a chance, sitting a few rows back, to recoy or recon – or something like that – the joint, always important in our line of work, as Bernie often said.

We were in a conference room at a hotel near the airport, and everyone in the audience – maybe not quite as big as it had been at the beginning, when Bernie had tapped the microphone, a painful sound for me, pounding like drums right next to my ears, although no one else seemed to mind, cleared his throat and said, “Can, uh, you hear me all right?” a terrific start, in my opinion – was a private eye, on account of this was the Great Western Private Eye Convention. We’re partners in the Little Detective Agency, me and Bernie, Bernie’s last name being Little. I’m Chet, pure and simple, and we’d been in business for almost as long as I could remember, although we’d never been to a convention before. “Not our thing,” Bernie said, so that was that, until Georgie Malhouf, president of the Great Western Private Eye Association, offered Bernie five hundred bucks to give a speech.

“A speech?” Bernie had said.

“Twenty minutes, tops,” Georgie Malhouf told him. “Plus questions.”

“I’ve never given a speech in my life.”

“So what?” said Georgie Malhouf. “There was also a time in your life when you hadn’t had sex. Did that stop you?”

 

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This entry was posted on Sunday, October 15th, 2017 at 8:24 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

17 Responses to “Chetspeak on Sunday”

  1. Herd of Hounds
    8:56 am on October 15th, 2017

    Good morning everyone! YES, Chetspeak week. At least no one threw anything…as good as OFA 😳. Super Sunday to one and all.

  2. Howlers
    9:03 am on October 15th, 2017

    Happy Egg Day, Amigos! This beginning is one of the best ever. Heh!

  3. c.hobbitz
    9:23 am on October 15th, 2017

    Makes me laugh just as hard all these years later.

  4. B.Stover
    9:41 am on October 15th, 2017

    Poor Bernie.

    Good morning all.

  5. Herd of Hounds
    9:42 am on October 15th, 2017

    Howlers, happy egg day.
    CHobbitz, safe Apalachian trekking.

  6. BearSpiritDog
    10:44 am on October 15th, 2017

    A Painful Moment in the life of Bernie Little that some of us may or may not have shared at one time or another.

    A’Howlers: Hope Kat doesn’t have a Hangover after the Big Celebration yesterday.

  7. Herd of Hounds
    11:01 am on October 15th, 2017

    Howlers, looks like autumn 🍂 weather is coming your way. Hope your ‘rents remember how to light the heater, been a while.

  8. dawson
    2:33 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Chet: It gets funnier every time I read it! Thanks for this Chetspeak and the belly laugh this morning.

    I not supposed to be on the computer this morning as it interferes with my housecleaning goals, but I just had to sneak a peek.

  9. Wose-The Small and meek
    4:34 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Greetings!

    The last line makes me laugh out loud still!

  10. Rio The Evil Pug
    6:41 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Busy!…Day! My friend went to a Sculpture Festival and found herself talking to an amazing artist who came all the way from Loveland, CO…snort!…My friend recognized her work from when she went to the busy-place in that town…wheeze!…Apparently, this woman does amazing work with Bronze sculptures of children…snorkel!…A small hand-held sculpture from this person goes for $450.00. I’m glad someone didn’t drop that kind of cash today cuz my treaty fund is in really good shape right now and I don’t want it to be jeopardized on account of so-called ART….grunt!

  11. Kat
    7:40 pm on October 15th, 2017

    I am still worn out from all of my partying out and about in Aiken yesterday. Yet I still managed a nice walk thru the hood just now.
    Momma promised me that today was her last day to leave me to go to her pool. Life is good.

  12. BooBear
    8:06 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Good evening! Dawson, Mom is having problems getting house cleaning motivated! She has had to have several repairs done to the house, and uses the stress of that as an excuse not to get the house work done! She is having a house guest coming to stay for a couple of weeks at the end of October so next weekend is get it done time.

    Go Astros!!

    Congrats to Kat on your Gotcha Day celebration.

  13. Rio - The Evil Pug
    9:08 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Repairs!…Just ask my friend having people in the house doing stuff is very draining to say the least…grunt!…We here are still waiting for kitchen drawers and cabinet doors, not to mention a whole built in piece an one of the empty walls of this large kitchen….grump!…If my friend only knew how this would go she would have gone a whole different direction and gotten Chip and JoJo to do her remodel…growl!wheeze!

  14. Rio - The Evil Pug
    9:10 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Broncos!…Watching Sunday Night football with the Giants and the Broncos!…yeeep!…We feel Beau’s presence with us…sniffle!

  15. dawson
    10:58 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Rio: I’m a Giant’s fan but, just for tonight, I’ll root for the Broncos, in memory of dear Beau.

    The house de-clutter got nowhere today. I suddenly remembered the monthly potluck meeting was today so spent the day peeling potatoes, making scalloped potatoes, going to a meeting, and eating lots of good food. Now I am having a glass of Negroamaro wine from Puglia. I bought it only because it had a “Pug” in it. Tastes nice, anyway.

  16. dawson
    11:05 pm on October 15th, 2017

    Whoa!
    Broncos need a miracle!

  17. Thieves!
    1:32 am on October 16th, 2017

    About that Broncos game, it is possible that Beau was distracted by a negotiation about the number of Thou Shall Nots we are allowed to ignore the not during the game. However, and in our defense, we can not recall at this time.

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