Chetspeak on Sunday

A voice came over the speaker, powerful and somewhat harsh. “Hi, kiddo.” Only one person in the world calls Bernie kiddo.


“You sound surprised.”

“Didn’t expect to hear from you, that’s all. Aren’t you and Hax on a cruise to Jamaica?”

“Antigua. And you can call the mainland from a cruise ship. This is the twenty-first century. But as for Hax, don’t mention him ever again.”

“Uh, why not?”

The back door opened and out came Bernie. He shot me a look you hardly ever see from him, a look that says Save me. I went over and sat on his feet.

“I caught him red-handed,” Ma said.

“Doing what?”

“Packing his Viagra on a business trip. A business trip that didn’t include me, if I have to spell it out.”

“Oh,” said Bernie. And then, “Ah.” Followed by, “I thought he was retired.”

“He still consults,” Ma said, “but is that the point?”

“Maybe there’s some explanation that doesn’t involve … you know.”

“Hell’s bells! What kind of detective are you? There’s no goddamn explanation that doesn’t involve you know. Probably not ever about anything, but I digress. Just come get me.”

– from SANTA 365 (coming in 2 days).



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This entry was posted on Sunday, November 22nd, 2015 at 8:02 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

58 Responses to “Chetspeak on Sunday”

  1. Kat
    8:13 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Good morning! Happy Egg Day!
    Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! I am dancing in anticipation, i cannot wait to read the rest of the story. Heh! She’s a real piece of work!

  2. B.Stover
    9:25 am on November 22nd, 2015

    I don’t think Chet has ever sat on Bernie’s feet before. Yes, a real piece of work.

    Good morning all.

  3. dawson
    9:47 am on November 22nd, 2015

    “Just come get me.”
    Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

    Chet learned that sitting-on-feet thing from Bowzer.

  4. Mpop and Loulou's Mom
    10:21 am on November 22nd, 2015

    When I’m out walking Loulou and someone she likes wants to pet her, she sits on the person’s feet while being adored.

  5. Tupper and Gilly
    10:30 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Callie is an excellent (and weighty) foot-sitter.

  6. dawson
    10:39 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Loulou: Free shoe-shine with any and all adorations!

    We were above freezing all day and night yesterday. Heading back to the colder weather tonight, thank dog.

    Booties, dogs, checkpoints and auctions! Go Snowhook!

  7. Staff
    10:43 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Please check last night’s 9:41 post about the booty fund. Thanks

  8. Staff
    10:47 am on November 22nd, 2015

    This is for Wose,

    Henry after chewing up some wool batting. Who’s a good kitty?

  9. BearSpiritDog
    10:47 am on November 22nd, 2015

    “Just Come and Get Me” GULP.

  10. dawson
    10:51 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: Henry is still cute. I love the wall hanging in the background.

    I’m off for a little weight lifting. Heh!

  11. Masquers
    10:53 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: Hey, Staff…we’re twins…or we would be if I would have posted that.
    Heh, heh.
    Tuesday! I can’t wait for Tuesday! Poor Bernie…his holiday is RUINED.

  12. Herd of Hounds
    11:35 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Good morning, everyone! Love the Chetspeak teaser of Santa 365. In Fact, mom was laughing so hard the tears were running down her leg. (Macy, be sure to let your mom know she’s not the only one.)
    Mom didn’t give us eggs this a.m. Something about the heater stopping at 4 a.m.
    Sheesh, just because it was 34*F outside. We weren’t worried, but the peeps are all in a dither. They are trying to get a portable radiant heater fixed up in the Doghouse.
    Staff, thanx for the Otherwise, Race Dogs and Bootie info. We’ll nip at mom’s heels to get her moving.
    We think a silly Sunday would be fun today, so give it a try.

  13. B.Stover
    11:48 am on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: What is wool batting used for?

  14. Luna
    12:02 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: Thank you for your post last night about booties and dogs! I have been swamped what with supervising Auction Central and the pizza ordering debates between Rio and my mama as we prep for the auction and boutique.

    Howard, my mama’s stray and her heart, sat in her feet and leaned into her as soon as she got him out from hiding under the truck. She thought he would bolt, but instead the battered and scabbed dog—injuries from before he found her—sat on her feet, leaned into her legs, looked up and gave her a look that said, “I’m safe now, right?” Then she hid him for about 24 hours from the Giant. That is how their love story began, Howard and my mama’s.

  15. B.Stover
    12:53 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    What a wonderful story about Howard.

  16. Staff
    1:27 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    B Stover. I use wool batting in my quilts unless they are something that needs to be really flat. Like a table topper or a runner for instance. All my bed sized quilts use wool. It is much lighter than cotton and it breathes. Polyester is light but doesn’t breath. I also use wool batting in my pincushions and my christmas tree ornaments. I just started making some of these for a local quilt club charity. it is almost 4 inches tall.

  17. Staff
    1:28 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Luna, No problem. I find the habit of asking for money for booties has not really ended. It just expanded a bit.

    I heard the Thieves have a wonderful item for the Boutique. Have you seen the picture yet? It sparkles!

  18. Staff
    1:29 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Dawson, Would you like to go together to sponsor Josephine?

  19. B.Stover
    1:50 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Thank you Staff. That makes sense. And I like the ornament.

  20. Herd of Hounds
    2:05 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Mom let us down for the auction ????
    HOH still has something in the boutique…maybe.
    Now we will think about the ………Auction and what we can annoy, er surprise, mom with.

  21. dawson
    2:19 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: I sponsored our dog Josephine with a check to Snowhook in May. How about Louisa May?

  22. dawson
    2:27 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff: I sponsored our dog Josephine with a check to Snowhook in May. How about Louisa May?

    All is quiet on the checkpoint front. I will do a checkpoint update in the next few days – or should I wait until after the auction?

  23. Wose-the small and meek
    2:30 pm on November 22nd, 2015


    Staff: What a handsome kitty Henry is! Love the Christmas tree, and (like Dawson)the wall hanging in the background behind Henry.

    Love the Storyteller as a Christmas tree from last night’s posts. Perhaps he will be the December page of the 2017 calendar. Heh, heh, heh!

  24. dawson
    2:40 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Wose: Heh, heh, heh!

  25. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    4:20 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Auction!…The awesome new control panel for Auction Central is double-the-trouble! in a good way!…snort!…I have been doing some preliminary testing and everything is spinning and whirring in concession at just the right speed…chuffle!….Maybe I will be able to do a bit more diving and eating during this years auction…wheeze!

  26. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    4:24 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Mother!….Yeeep! Bernie’s mother seems like a real piece of work….chorkel!

  27. Barb, Maggie and Lucy
    4:29 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    I am back home and in one piece, thankfully. Ride up on Friday a.m. was just under 3 hours, return yesterday was 5 hours. Snow storm was bad, and traffic crawled along due to many accidents and cars in ditches.

    Trip was wonderful and I feel very pampered. Dinner Friday night was in an authentic log hunting lodge that the Kohler family brought in from Montana in the 30’s. Stone fireplace and gigantic beams everywhere. They took us to the place by shuttle, and then pointed to a trail in the woods and said the lodge is that way, just stay on the trail. Good thing it wasn’t snowing yet and we were wearing flats and not high heels, as it was about a 5 minute walk!

    When I got home last night a wreath had fallen off the wall and toppled the small Christmas tree in the den. I am not sure what happened but Lucy kept standing about 6″ away from the tree and barking, like she was obsessed. I wish she could tell me the story!

    Read the teaser from SANTA 365. Can’t wait for Tuesday. I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday, so I may have to wait till after work to read it. Bernie’s mama is quite a character!

  28. Herd of Hounds
    4:36 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Yeah, Barb is home safely. Don’t worry,Lucy, your lady will protect you.
    Sounds like a good time 🙂

  29. Herd of Hounds
    5:54 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Staff has heard the Thieves have a wonderful item for the auction? It sparkles?
    Please oh please say it isn’t the storyteller! Them again, he is one dapper gentleman.

  30. Wose-the small and meek
    6:59 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Barb: Glad you had such a good time! Maybe Chet and Bernie need to solve the toppled tree mystery… :^)

  31. dawson
    7:47 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    I’ll be raising the bid on that sparkling item!

    Barb, Maggie & Lucy: It is good to feel pampered.

  32. Kat
    8:06 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    My Zeus is an idiot, pure and simple. He just messed with a skunk AGAIN


  33. Wose-the small and meek
    8:07 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Kat: Yikes!

  34. Tupper and Gilly
    8:11 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Welcome Home Barb! So glad the trip was all you hoped for, and that snuffly nose and head cold didn’t get in the way.

    We here are stuffed, we tell ya! Stuffed to the gills. (Do Corgis have gills?) Anyway, we celebrated Roast A Turkey Day today, since the Storyteller won’t be here on Thursday. We helped Mama get the butternut squash, carrots and parsnips ready to roast – and we started our sampling party with raw veggie crudité. Even Callie was begging for raw butternut squash, and Callie as a rule is too dignified to ever beg.

    The guys finished their meal with big wedges of Apple/Pear Pie with two scoops of Salted Caramel ice cream. Mama stuck with black coffee. But we have had turkey and taters, and stuffing and gravy and roasted veggies and then pie crust. Life is good.

    Mama says to tell you that she probably won’t be around tomorrow as there is so much last minute stuff to do. But she will check in on Tuesday after the docs giver her the A-OK post surgery.

    Dawson – we think Mama just might outbid you on that particular sparkly item. She’s kinda attached.

  35. Staff
    8:21 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Dawson, Check your SDD. It is a go on Louisa May.

  36. Kat
    8:27 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    I am on my way, T&G. I need to smooch your pop for awhile, if youse don’t mind sharing.

  37. Tupper and Gilly
    8:35 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Kat – as long as you don’t smell like Zeus….

  38. Barb, Maggie and Lucy
    8:35 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    T & G, we will be thinking about your mom and pop tomorrow and Tuesday. Please keep us up to date as the surgery progresses.

    I think what happened yesterday is that the neighbor came over with his snow blower and vibrated the house so much that he caused the wreath to fall off the wall. He is not exactly a gentle guy. The wreath is too high on the wall for the little tree to have hit it first, so the wreath had to be the first to fall. I am wondering if the whole thing hit Lucy. She was so upset over the whole thing, and nothing ever upsets Lucy!

  39. Herd of Hounds
    8:56 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Going nighty night. Hope new space heater, flannel sheets, and flannel jammies stave off hyperthermia!

  40. Luna
    9:00 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Golinka: Go to the shew without worry of the Storyteller. He is tucked under the Quilt and the Smoochers will be taking shifts to keep an eye on him.

  41. Thieves!
    9:02 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Zeus: Well done!

    BML: Yes, let’s go with that theory. Should you come to realize that a couple of loveable miscreants were involved, let us be the first to say that Luna wants us to apologize.

  42. Thieves!
    9:12 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Storyteller: We are outfitting a couple of wheelchairs with spinners, hydraulics and ground effect lights. Do you have any preference on the color of lights?

  43. Tupper and Gilly
    9:24 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    The Storyteller looks good in purple and royal blue.

    Just anything as long as it doesn’t clash with the green,dancing giraffes.

  44. Barb, Maggie and Lucy
    9:24 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Thieves, your version is so much more fun! We will go with that, and we accept your apology.

    Now we are saying good night.

  45. Mpop and Loulou's Mom
    9:29 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Thieves, the wheelchair definitely needs a flame job.

  46. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    9:39 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Safe!…All I can say is I am glad I am holed up at Auction Central during all this hospital commotion. Ground effect lights?…wheeze!

    Barb!…Were the little Quilled Cards destroyed in the wrath of the wreath?….snuffle!

  47. Thieves!
    9:43 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    MPM: Great minds! We have also added a bike bell, streamers to the handles and plan to attach a couple of more streamers to the Storyteller’s braids.

  48. dawson
    9:51 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Oh no Zeus!
    Not again!
    Pee Yoo.

  49. dawson
    9:54 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Oh no Zeus, not again!

    Thieves: Can you put one of those horns that sounds like “Ah-oo-gah” on the wheelchair? That would be fun.

  50. dawson
    9:56 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Oops. The brain is shutting down.

    Guess I’ll go read a little Louise Penny before bed.

  51. c.hobbit
    10:01 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Best to Amalia and the Storyteller.

    Kat: by now your owners should be experts on the best way to deskunk youse.

    Thieves: did you know that the forecast is saying that your area might get 14″ of snow tonight? Yeep.

    Weird day here in Hobbit Hotel. I am having the staircase steps redone–eliminating carpet which was too hard to vacuum and having wooden stair treads. Handyman says he will be back NEXT Saturday to finish the job.

  52. Staff
    10:01 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Ooo Great Idea Dawson. Although that might warn the nurses when they go out for a spin. Maybe just a little tinkly bell would be better although not as much fun

    HOH. Stay warm. Sheesh. I see the low there is supposed to be around 23 tonight. We are only supposed to get down to 26! Yeep!
    Have you done anything to insure your water pipes don’t freeze??? In Dad’s old house we had to open the kitchen sink cabinets doors whenever it got around 10 below.

  53. Thieves!
    10:08 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    We have been digging out for much of the week. We have had two storm warnings in the past several days and another in the works. We love it, but can’t figure out why the Giant takes it so personally every time it snows and he has to clear our tiny little driveway. Heh

    Staff: We removed the kick board at the base of our cabinets to help keep the pipes warm. We also open the cabinets and let the faucet lightly stream when it gets too cold.

  54. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    10:13 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Snow!…In Alaska! What a concept!…snorkel!…I hope Lefty and all The Gang can keep their noses above the white frozen waters…yeeep!

  55. Barb, Maggie and Lucy
    10:16 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Rio, All the cards are fine. No real damage done to anything, other than to Lucy’s emotional state.

    Now we really are going to beddy bye.

  56. Riõ - The Evil Pug
    10:33 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Thieves!…I’ve been up and down that there driveway a time or two and tiny little are not the adjectives I would use to describe it…heh!heh!

  57. Thieves!
    10:53 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Rio: Our concept of distance may be skewed. When you’ve done the race, everything seems tiny and/or little. Heh.

  58. Macy the Min Pin
    11:05 pm on November 22nd, 2015

    Sometimes my brain just reads things crazy. I was trying to figure out why anyone would go log hunting and why they would need a lodge, from Barb’s post about her trip. Duh!

    HOH and your peeps, I hope you stay toasty tonight in the doghouse. What is the latest on the house house?


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