Beginnings (4): The Dog Who Knew Too Much

Was I proud of Bernie or what?

True, he’d been pretty nervous going into this gig. I can always tell when Bernie’s nervous – which hardly ever happens, and never when we’re in action – because his smell sharpens a bit, although it’s still the best human smell there is, apples, bourbon, salt and pepper; but now, up on the stage, he was doing great.

“Which, um,” he was saying, “reminds me of a joke. “Sort of. Maybe not a joke,” he went on, turning a page, “more like a – “ and at that moment the whole wad of papers somehow jumped out of his hands, all the pages gliding down in different directions. He bent and started gathering them up. That gave me a chance, sitting a few rows back, to recoy or recon – or something like that – the joint, always important in our line of work, as Bernie often said.

We were in a conference room at a hotel near the airport, and everyone in the audience – maybe not quite as big as it had been at the beginning, when Bernie had tapped the microphone, a painful sound for me, pounding like drums right next to my ears, although no one else seemed to mind, cleared his throat and said, “Can, uh, you hear me all right?” a terrific start, in my opinion – was a private eye, on account of this was the Great Western Private Eye Convention. We’re partners in the Little Detective Agency, me and Bernie, Bernie’s last name being Little. I’m Chet, pure and simple, and we’d been in business for almost as long as I could remember, although we’d never been to a convention before. “Not our thing,” Bernie said, so that was that, until Georgie Malhouf, president of the Great Western Private Eye Association, offered Bernie five hundred bucks to give a speech.

“A speech?” Bernie had said.

“Twenty minutes, tops,” Georgie Malhouf told him. “Plus questions.”

“I’ve never given a speech in my life.”

“So what?” said Georgie Malhouf. “There was also a time in your life when you hadn’t had sex. Did that stop you?”

Welcome Missy the island girl, Ty and Mak.


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This entry was posted on Thursday, May 24th, 2012 at 6:49 am and is filed under Chet The Dog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

63 Responses to “Beginnings (4): The Dog Who Knew Too Much”

  1. OleyHowlers
    7:37 am on May 24th, 2012

    Good morning, Chet and Everyone!
    The first time we read this opening, we could feel for Bernie and it made us squirm. This time around, it just makes howl with laughter! Thats a fun time first thing in the morning,.

  2. OleyHowlers
    7:39 am on May 24th, 2012

    Oh, and by the way, we love the image of The Giant lifting C.Hobbit up to touch the Arch. Happy Retirement, C.Hobbit(even if you do have to go back in tomorrow).

  3. B.Stover
    8:25 am on May 24th, 2012

    Perhaps Bernie needs some lessons in public speaking. George Malhouf definitely needs lessons in logic.

    Good morning all.

  4. B.Stover
    8:33 am on May 24th, 2012

    Macy: I’m sorry about the sad news.

    CHobbit: Just wait. I think you’ll really enjoy retirement.

    SH: Natasha is back!

  5. Rose
    8:56 am on May 24th, 2012

    Greetings All!

    TDWKTM opening is a nice way to start the day. I was squirming right along with Chet, and sweating with Bernie.

    Howlers, my prayers for peace and calmness go out to you and your mom’s S-I-L.

    Macy, my strongest prayers and good thoughts go out to you and yours.

    I also love the image of the Giant lifting C. Hobbitt up to touch the burled Arch. Enjoy every day of your retirement, C. Hobbitt!

    The Yankees win!!!!!!!!!

  6. Barb & Maggie
    9:04 am on May 24th, 2012

    Good morning all. We are checking in and out. Have a busy day with friends today. BBL

    Oh, and about the coffee discussion yesterday, we like French roast, strong, dark, and without cream or sugar. Just coffee, pure and simple.

  7. Wolfie Wigglebutt
    9:18 am on May 24th, 2012

    I think Rebecca could give Bernie some pointers in public speaking. Poor Bernie.

    Wolfie prayers going out to cousin and SIL.

  8. Melanie
    9:23 am on May 24th, 2012

    My mother’s words of wisdom about public speaking . . . Fake it.

    Love that. Gotten me through some interesting times.

    I see that I will have to go and read the comments from last night. This morning I was up bright and early to do the walk / run. Different area now. The maintenance people are working on the summer camp. So we went up into the hills to remote 4 X 4 roads. Go early enough and no one is out. There will be an abundance of raspberries up there later!

  9. Riö – The Evil Pug
    9:44 am on May 24th, 2012

    Idol!…PHILLIP PHILLIPS WON!….WOOOOO!…I told you guys about a hundred years ago that he would be the winner the first time I heard him sing…snort!…and he did by golly!…chuffle!…What a great singer! What a great guy!…sniff!…My friend started crying when he started crying in the middle of his song…sniff!…I can’t believe they would make him sing right after finding out he won…heh!…Makes for good tv I guess.

  10. Rose
    9:48 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rio, I cannot wait to see what beautiful things your friend has contributed to the Spring Boutique. My wallet will be wide open on Saturday. I think I mistook what you called the Rose Project, for the Dream Project….that had roses too! Did your friend’s mom like the gift?

  11. Princess Sam
    9:49 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rio, Mom cried too. It was such an emotional moment.

  12. Riö – The Evil Pug
    9:59 am on May 24th, 2012

    Sammie!..Wasn’t that something?!…snort!…We were both sitting there thinking the girl, who is absolutely amazing, might have garnered more votes, but Phillip Phillips is so damned likable and down to earth plus his voice is unique and wonderful….wheeze!…When he went down in the audience to be with his family we both lost it …sniffle!…And before that Aerosmith! They sounded great! I couldn’t believe it!

  13. Riö – The Evil Pug
    10:00 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rose!…uh-hem! The Dream Project does not have Roses on it…heh!heh!…Although, it is very Red, like some roses…sniff!

  14. Riö – The Evil Pug
    10:02 am on May 24th, 2012

    Projects!…I think youse guys have seen all the projects that she has donated so far…sniff!…Well, there may be one or two that I did not post a photo for…grunt!

  15. Melanie
    10:20 am on May 24th, 2012

    C.HobbitHarris, Zoë was a teacher for many years, I was a teacher for about five, we KNOW that you have touched hearts and made a difference.

    The Royals’ Mum went and got the pottery from the kiln dude. There was more pottery than she remembered. She worked last night on those, has to do the physical setup of the booth for 3 hours today while also finishing the pottery. Tomorrow is the setting of the inventory. WHEW!

    I will be seeing her Saturday after I take Zoe to the train. I will be taken photos of her work for her before the show opens. This was actually going to take place early this week but . . .

    I’m trading my work for hers! She finally just picked out my dress for the wedding, bought it and made me try it on. snicker

    I’m much better at photography than picking out clothes.

  16. Riö – The Evil Pug
    10:28 am on May 24th, 2012

    Wow!…Things are really heating up for this big weekend!…snort!…Lots of good stuff going on all at once. Golinkas big show, the Spring Boutique Grand Opening..sniff!…Boggles my flat head. Rebecca please check your SDD and respond Quick! Quick as a Bunny!…sniff!

  17. B.Stover
    10:30 am on May 24th, 2012

    Here’s a paragraph from today’s NYTimes on Phillip Phillips:

    “Before the contest, Mr. Phillips worked in his father’s pawnshop in Leesburg, Ga., and studied industrial systems technology at Albany Technical College in Georgia. He fits the same general profile as the last four winners: white guitar-playing males. But he has an unusual style, and he became known for taking improvisational liberties with melodies and for reinterpreting rhythms, skills he honed playing in bars and cafes in Georgia. Musically, he was the most innovative contestant in a strong field of singers this season.”

  18. Siber-H
    10:41 am on May 24th, 2012

    Natasha, NO

  19. Rose
    10:42 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rio, I stand corrected! Do you think there are any projects your friend made with me in mind at the Spring Boutique????

  20. Mollypop's Mom
    10:42 am on May 24th, 2012

    I also cried. The girl has a great voice but is only 16 years old. She still needs to develop her style.

    Phillip Phillips won me over early in the competition. He has serious kidney problems so I hope he can hold up for the summer tour.

  21. Siber-H
    10:51 am on May 24th, 2012

    I have a question? Will we be able to view the items that are for sale this weekend before they officially go on sale?

    Rio, The Rockies are no longer in last place.

  22. BearSpiritDog
    11:03 am on May 24th, 2012

    Hi All!

    Love hearing a little of each story every morning.
    Bernie isn’t alone in his fear of public speaking. Isn’t it listed as one of the top Fears, if not the very top one?

    Y’all may think it is late, but the clock says only 8am here.
    Haven’t even had my breakfast for dog’sake, so off I go……..

  23. Snowhook Bella
    11:13 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rio: Hop.

  24. Riö – The Evil Pug
    11:29 am on May 24th, 2012


  25. Riö – The Evil Pug
    11:30 am on May 24th, 2012

    SiberH!…You’ve already seen my friends…grunt!…But you cannot see the others unless the Donors want to post a photo here as advertising…heh!heh!

  26. Siber-H
    11:35 am on May 24th, 2012

    ok, Thanks Rio. This is going to be fun.

  27. BearSpiritDog
    11:48 am on May 24th, 2012

    Rio: Did you say yesterday The Dream Project was given to your friend’s mother as a Birthday Gift? It is possible I have misunderstood…I hope so. It probably doesn’t matter anyway…My feline friend has informed me it is off limits and Rose has first dibs.
    Siber-H: It would be fun to see some previews of the Boutique!

  28. Riö – The Evil Pug
    11:52 am on May 24th, 2012

    Previews!…No….grunt!…And don’t try and buy stuff early either…sniff!…Give Rebecca a chance to Officially Open the doors Saturday…heh!

    Roses!…I made the mistake of saying my friend was working on a Rose Project – she started making it for the Boutique, but realized her mothers birthday was fast approaching…grunt!…So she ended up giving it away…wuffle!..Sadly, for the Grand Opening there will be no rose projects…sneeze!

  29. Riö – The Evil Pug
    11:53 am on May 24th, 2012

    Bear!…The Dream Project is going to be on the shelf come opening day…snorkel!

  30. B.Stover
    11:56 am on May 24th, 2012

    Here is my donation to the spring boutique. It’s a jewelry set by Brighton.

  31. Masquers
    12:05 pm on May 24th, 2012

    B: We love it!

  32. Riö – The Evil Pug
    12:20 pm on May 24th, 2012


  33. Rose
    12:52 pm on May 24th, 2012

    B: It’s beautiful!!

  34. Melanie
    1:01 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Riö, please check SDD.

    Weird weather. sunny . . . in a cloud . . . no heat sauna . . . hot . . . breezy . . . dead calm. Weird.

  35. Riö – The Evil Pug
    1:08 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Checked!…And Marked…sniff!

  36. Masquers
    2:38 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Melanie: Changes all in a few hours? Difficult to dress for weather like that! Spooky.

  37. Riö – The Evil Pug
    3:15 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Maskers!…I think that was the weather all at once…heh!…Melanie lives on a mountain small hill…snort!

  38. Melanie
    3:38 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Try minutes not hours, masquers. Now it’s cold, cloudy and dead calm.
    These MOUNTAINS are something else.

  39. Mollypop's Mom
    5:14 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Golinka – Melanie’s dress was beautiful. I wish I had you close by to pick out my clothes.

  40. BearSpiritDog
    6:23 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Check out these cool dog sculptures:

  41. Melanie
    6:33 pm on May 24th, 2012

    will be off for awhile. Sending video to PR person. Takes awhile.

  42. Barb & Maggie
    7:04 pm on May 24th, 2012

    We are back but don’t know for how long. Wind gusts to 50 mph. Power was off in town, branches and limbs down everywhere in town. Out here, were gusts are worse, only major damage so far is the garage roof. Started with one shingle, now there are many on the patio and in the yard. Wind will continue for sereral more house with possible damaging rain storms later. Yikes! Will be making a trip to Menards, one of the big home centers, on Saturday for more shingles.

  43. Mollypop's Mom
    7:22 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Barb and MagPie had wondered about when they started on the blog. I used the blog search box to find tin futures and here’s one that they’re on:

    This is a voice from the past and fun to read.

  44. OleyHowlers
    7:31 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Yikes! Barb and Maggie, stay safe!

  45. Melanie
    7:37 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Saw that line of storms coming towards you. Jeez Louise!
    Those dogs are cute!

    Interesting. I had to replace the DSL phone line to the modem (dog related) and found one that had gold thingys for the end and was supposed to send things faster. It was a bit more expensive but it looked hardy and hard to mess up. (Important for this household).

    Now when I sent the big file to YSAS it took over 45 minutes to send. Since I put in the new phone line, the Snowhook video which was 11 minutes instead of 2 minutes took 40 minutes. Guess that thing works.

    Our weird weather continues. It’s coming from the south but it’s not a warm breeze at this point. Sort of cool, but the humidity has really gone down. We still have showers in the area.

    Going to get 2 cubic (what’s a cubic/) yards of dirt and compost on Saturday.

  46. Rose
    7:42 pm on May 24th, 2012

    That was really interesting. Thanks Molly’s mom!

    Rio did not even have an avatar yet.

  47. Rose
    7:44 pm on May 24th, 2012

    B&M, stay safe!

  48. Snowhook Bella
    7:48 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Melanie: About yea big. 😉

  49. Rose
    7:53 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Molly’s mom has stirred up some thoughts….

    OH, how long has the lovely Kat been part of the family?

    Rio, how long has Beau been your roommate?

    I wish I could remember when I first posted on this here blog…..

  50. Snowhook Bella
    8:02 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Rose: You came along after me. I remember because I was no longer the new kid. I think, at the urging of a certain gold-hearted, sneezing and wheezing, harmonica playing pug I posted in late March or early April of last year.

  51. Rose
    8:06 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Wow, really, Rebecca? I feel like you have been blogging for a while.

  52. Melanie
    8:35 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Just finished talking to a certain Royals’ Mum. She is a “tad” frantic. Her booth is put together and waiting for inventory. She is working on the rest of her pots and stuff and everything goes into the booth tomorrow.

    Think good positive thoughts! She needs to sell, sell, sell, sell, sell!

    I hope that I can put up some photos on Saturday, but I’ll be very tired after I get back. Zoë is going to have fun!

    New York City here she comes, right back from where she (sort of) started from.

    TTFN folks.

  53. Kirby T. Penworthy
    8:37 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Hey, y’all! I’m finally an only child again! Just when that Molly dog was really starting to overstay her welcome, Mom and Dad went and picked up another pug! So last night and today there were two of them. Snort! But now they’ve gone back where they came from, with my boy and his girlfriend. So now it’s all about me, me, me, as someone would say!

  54. Barb & Maggie
    8:53 pm on May 24th, 2012

    MPM, Thank you for that blast from the past! That was May 2010. I think we came on about March, 2010, but not sure. Hope T & G’s Mom doesn’t get this wind for the weekend. We may get rain later, which we really need.

  55. Princess Sam
    9:01 pm on May 24th, 2012

    MagPie, it was so funny reading about the tin futures again,

  56. Kirby T. Penworthy
    9:10 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Did I tell y’all Mom’s Pat Conroy story? I don’t think so, but if I’m repeating myself, chalk it up to a pug-rattled mind!

    Mom went to hear Pat Conroy speak during the book festival this past Saturday. After his time was over, Mom had to run downstairs to man the library’s booth, so she didn’t have time to get anything autographed. So she decided to go back on Sunday to get a couple of books autographed during Pat Conroy’s second signing.

    The booth at the festival didn’t have the books Mom wanted, so she stopped at a bookstore on her way back on Sunday. She couldn’t find the either of the books there either, so she asked at the information desk, thinking maybe there was a special display somewhere with all the authors at the festival. Nope, but the woman said there were four copies of one of the books in the biography section. So as Mom and the woman were walking there, the woman says, “So did you go see her at the festival?” Mom was a little confused, but said, “I went to see him at the festival.” And the woman — who works in a bookstore in Conroy’s home state of South Carolina! — said, “Oh, Pat Conroy is a man?”

  57. Riö –The Evil Pug
    9:15 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Barb!…It’s windy as hell here so you can expect some more coming your way very soon…sniff!…My breath is all over it too…heh!heh!

    Zoe!…I must have missed something…grunt!…Why is Zoe going to NYC?…snort!

  58. Riö –The Evil Pug
    9:19 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Pat!…Kirby that story reminds me of an old SNL bit they used to do around a person named “Pat”….heh!…No one could tell if they were a guy or a gal because of clothing and hair style. All the innuendo involved was really clever….chorkel!…It was pretty funny at the time….wheeze!

  59. Barb & Maggie
    9:46 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Rio, We remember those SNL skits with Pat. They were really funny.

    We will be on the lookout for some wind this weekend with a hint of Rio breath!

    Barb read the Pat Conroy book about the island children many years ago. I think it was titled Conrack. The kids couldn’t pronouce the oy sound, so they called him Conrack. That is unbelievable that the women working the information booth didn’t know the author is a man.

    Tin futures…we haven’t thought of those for quite a long time. On that note, I think we will say good night, and happy investing to all!

  60. Staff
    10:33 pm on May 24th, 2012

    We are going to bed also.

    Before we go just a note to Dawson.

    Hey sis, I found a loud brass bell with a handle for the parents. It is in a box and on the way to you tomorrow. Hopefully you will receive it on Monday.

    It is really loud!

    I got it the same time as I found my new old sewing machine.

  61. Staff
    11:06 pm on May 24th, 2012

    Saw this just before turning off the computer. Puppy Paws video.

  62. Snowhook Bella
    11:38 pm on May 24th, 2012

    It has been raining all day. The weather man forecasted sun with a slight chance of showers. Wrong! It seems like a good evening to curl up with your favorite pug and have a quiet night.

  63. Rainey McGuigan
    5:45 am on July 19th, 2012

    I think Bernie needs more confidence and support from you so he can speak in public without being so nervous.

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