Archive for November, 2010

The Morning After (From Thereby Hangs A Tail)


November 26th, 2010 Posted 9:54 am

I barked, but not too loud; the poor guy. I knew what he needed, had seen the whole routine plenty of times – a lot more sleep, then Advil, coffee, cold wet towel on his forehead. Knock knock knock. There wasn’t time for any of that. I barked again, louder this time.

“Uh,” said Bernie, his voice weak. “Gah.”

I moved to the side of the bed, pulled at a corner of the sheet. From down inside the twisted covers, Bernie pulled back. Bernie was a big strong guy, but not at the moment. I ripped the sheets right off him.

Bernie, arm still over his face, groaned, “Chet, what the hell?”

Somehow I’d got all tangled in the covers. I couldn’t see – and that’s a thing I hate. I struggled, clawed, rolled around – nearby something came crashing down on the floor – and burst free at last. Bernie was sitting up now, one eye open. It had turned red overnight.

“Sleep,” he said, his voice a bit stronger now, maybe what you’d call a croak. “I need more – “

Knock knock knock.

Bernie’s other eye opened, this one even redder. “What?” he said. And then: “Who?”

I barked.

“Someone’s at the door?” He turned to the bedside clock, maybe a painful movement because he winced and said, “Ow.” Then he squinted at the clock, rubbed his eyes, squinted again. “But it’s only – “

Knock knock knock knock – and even more knocks. That sharp ratta-tat-tat was driving me crazy, and maybe Bernie, too. He put a hand to his head, rose, leaning sideways slightly as though the room was spinning in the other direction, and staggered into the bathroom. Then came peeing sounds – which reminded me I had to go too, in fact pretty soon – running water sounds, and the interesting clitter-clatter that happens when a bottle of pills gets spilled. Not long after that – and meanwhile more knocking, plus Iggy’s muffled yipping – Bernie emerged wearing his polka-dot bathrobe, face scrubbed and hair combed, except for a small stick-out horn-like thing on one side, not very noticeable. Then, holding the robe together with one hand – the belt, I remembered, had been part of a fun tug-of-war game we’d played on Charlie’s last visit, me, Charlie and Bernie ending up in a heap on the floor (but I had the belt, meaning I was the winner, right? Wasn’t that the point of tug-of war?) – then – where was I? – oh, yeah: Bernie moved toward the front door.

Knock knock knock. “Christ Almighty,” Bernie said. “I’m coming.” He turned the knob and pulled – maybe more forcefully than he’d intended – flinging the door open; Bernie lost his grip and the knob thumped hard against the wall. At the same time, he also lost his grip on the polka-dot robe, which fell open.


Happy Thanksgiving


November 25th, 2010 Posted 8:18 am

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Plunderers, all readers of this blog, and everyone who has been reading the stories about me and Bernie. Also to anyone who cares about the nation within the nation.

Right now we’re up and doing, Bernie, me, Suzie. We’ve all got our individual jobs. Mine is security. A squirrel invaded the yard but I handled that and now everything’s quiet. Soon Rick Torres is coming, bringing some kids from a homeless shelter, and we’ll be playing football. Touch football, which means no tackling. I had a hard time remembering that last year, but I know I’ll do much better today.

The only bad thing is we don’t have Charlie this year. He, Leda, and Malcolm are headed down to Cabo. Except, whoa, what’s this I see out the window? Leda driving up? With Charlie beside her? And no Malcolm?  So therefore? I don’t know. Bernie handles the so therefores. That’s part of the reason for the success of the Little Detective Agency.

Cheers, everybody!

Please note: Mike Baker will be running some tests on the blog over the holiday.


Feline Review Of Dog On It (From Anipal Times) (Revised)


November 24th, 2010 Posted 9:02 am

Book Review: Dog on It

20 NOVEMBER 2010

written by MAGGIE TORTIE KAT in the Books section of The Anipal Times

Let’s get this straight upfront. I am a cat who doesn’t care for dogs. I mean, get that nose out of my butt! Mom brought home “Dog on It” by Spencer Quinn from Barkworld 2010, and all I could do was glare. A DOG book. However, the cover looked intriguing and I can’t let a dog get the upper hand.

I read the first page, and didn’t put it down. The book is told from the point of view of Chet, the dog, who brings a new meaning to hard-boiled detective lingo. He’s seems to be well trained, but didn’t pass the police dog exam due to some squirrel. Chet is absolutely loveable, his narration witty, and exhibits dog qualities such as not realizing he is barking until called on it.  His human, Bernie, is a private investigator with a cash-flow problem, but a big heart and strong ethics.

Chet and Bernie make quite a team for sniffing out the final conclusions. It takes both to handle Russian gangsters, survive a kidnapping, make it through the southwestern dessert in a beat up Porsche and solve the mystery.

I rate this book 4 Paws Up. If that isn’t high enough praise, I don’t know what else I can do to encourage you to pick up this wonderful book. Maybe, I would even allow Chet a butt sniff!

“Dog on It” is a selection for the December #ReadPawty to be discussed the second Monday in February. I hope to see everyone there! If you can’t wait till then, you can always check out Spencer Quinn’s blog.

Please note: Mike Baker will be testing the new commenting system over the holiday.


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No Post Today


November 23rd, 2010 Posted 8:05 am

Bernie says there are lots of reasons. For one thing, he just realized there’s no peanut oil, and no peanut oil means no deep frying, and no deep frying means no turkey. He says that’s the kind of logic chain Wittgenstein would have no trouble following. Wittgenstein? I’m pretty sure I recall a perp of that name, probably now breaking rocks in the hot sun.

And another thing: the cable guy is coming, something about football on Thanksgiving. We’re having some company, including General Beauregard. Just before the eating starts there’s always a touch football game over at the school yard, but the General and I can’t help doing some tackling too. Humans pinwheeling end over end is always fun to see.

Also Bernie says that some readers on the blog are from places that don’t have Thanksgiving so maybe I should explain. No Thanksgiving? How do you explain that?

“Chet! Let’s go!”


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